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一天，跟同学打架，被老妈从学校接回来骂了一顿还不让我吃饭。老爸问:儿子，你打赢了没有！？ 我害怕的说:打赢了。。 老爸:好样的，当年你老子打不过他老子，现在找回面子了。别听你妈的，我带你出去吃饭。
记得汉语六级考试有这么一道题；
根据情景对话解释相应词语；
一县长与一个市长的对话，市长“老王，你这是什么意思？”
县长不好意思的说“没什么意思”
市长“你这十万块钱是什么意思？”
县长“一点小意思，意思意思”
市长“我们都是老同学，我怎么好意思么”
县长“您能明白我的意思就行”
（一）对话中总共有几个“意思”
（二）县长和市长的意思，分别是什么意思
（三）倒数第二个“意思”是什么意思
最后外国小伙做不出来，疯了
语文教授：同学们，你们造吗？有“三点水”的汉字都有水。如“泪”，如“河～湖～江”
我：老师，沙漠！
教授：滚！
我：我滚的地方也没水啊！
教授：再说让你从人间消失！
我：我消失前还是确定“消失”不会有水！
教授：。。。。。。
一中国留学生和一美国学生发生口角，大打出手，美国学生一拳打倒中国留学生，中国留学生大骂：“我日你妈。”美国学生听不懂问旁人：“他说什么？”旁人翻译道：“他和你妈睡过觉”美国学生立马扶起中国留学生说：“对不起，我不知道你是我妈男朋友。”
上学时候，我想调侃同学一下；于是在下课时就拿了张吃过的糖纸，包了半截粉笔给了
同桌，没想到上课的时候，他居然问我：“你还有吗？”我说：“你想问我要啥？”这二货歪着头说：“你下课时不是给我了一块糖吗？”我说：：“那块糖你吃了吗？”他不好好意的说：“我借花献佛，给我了女朋友了。”
某作家的签名销售会上，一位胖女士问道：“您说女人就是一本书，那您说说我是什么样的书呢？”
作家打量了她一下，笑着说：“女士，您是合订本。”
昨天晚上去剪头发，理发的小姑娘系围脖时我说好紧，她就用俩根手指头插进围脖说：‘’哪有紧啊，能插进两个手指呢！‘’我抬头看了看她，她脸一红跑出去换人了，直到我头发剪好了都没看见她进来……
傍晚坐公交车回家，坐在最后一排右边靠窗位置，由于玩的比较累，就睡着了，
过一会醒了之后，看到左前方坐个老大爷正在用智能机看图片，
心想这老大爷还挺时尚的，好奇心倍增，就伸头看看他正在看什么，
结果看到屏幕左上方写着“人间地图”四个字，吓死我了，大爷你刚来到人间不认识路吗
一天在寝室聊天，室友让我加她微博，我问她你的微博叫什么？她说:就叫*小妞。我和另一个室友找了好半天的*小妞都没找到。后来我说我扫你二维码吧。结果我看见她的微博名后我也真是醉了。她的微博是“就叫*小妞”想想也真是醉了。我和室友也快崩溃勒。
和新交往女友逛夜市,看到一夜光表挺好玩。
女友：“老板,这表什么价?”
老板：“打完折380。”
女友：“这附近有银行么？”
我拉她衣角轻声说：“我这有钱。”
女友不响,笑呵呵看着老板。
老板：“前面就有两家。”
女友：“你怎么不去抢!”
说完拉着我就走……我、我是真服了。
今天大清早发生的事，我也是醉啦！我家用的洗洁精是散装的，用那VS洗发水空瓶子装着，朋友跑到我家说，头发好久没洗了油的很，今天到我家洗了个头感觉头发也不油啦人也精神，风一吹头发还飘的很高，我想我用了那么久我怎么没发现呢，我跑去洗手间一看一瓶拉芳，一瓶VS,咦！！VS里面的洗洁精跑哪里去啦…
老师：一分钟煮1个饺子，9个饺子多久煮好？
大胖：9分钟
老师：你真傻，你这么能吃，你会一个个煮那？
大胖：一个西瓜吃5分钟，要多久才能吃完10个？
老师：50分钟啊，你以为我和你一样笨啊！
大胖：你50分钟吃10个试试？你是猪啊
老师：滚！出去！
晚上下班去吃饭、几个同事一起、吃饭期间聊天聊到追女生的话题、女同事问：你们男人追求女人的时候过程都一样嘛？身边一哥们说、大同小异、基本都是做了所有丧权辱国的事情之后、终于可以开始干丧尽天良的事了！我TM在旁边竟然无言以对、只能深深膜拜！
快递：先生，您的戒指，请签收。小明：退了吧。快递：先生，这个如果没有质量问题我们是不给退的。小明：老子上个月结婚订的戒指，你现在才送到，老子现在都离婚了，你说能不能退？你说。...
公司下班吃饭，一群同事猜谜语。男同事：有五个女人在洗澡，门外有十个男人在偷看，猜一成语。答：目不转睛。不对，答：七上八下。不对。这是一女孩喊：五光十色。对了。问咋解释，女孩脸红了。
一哥们结婚，他前女友说要送上新婚大礼，于是哥们很高兴地把地址告诉他前女友，就在结婚当天，顺丰快递送货上门了，打开一看，靠，99只避孕套！亮瞎群众眼
一妹子告诉我，她听爸爸 去哪的主题曲一直听错，听成 宝贝，宝贝 你是我的大叔，你爸是隔壁老吴。
我呆了
一次，我去医院体检，是一位护士美眉给我抽血，我说:“能不能轻点，我晕针。” 只见她当时顿了一下，扒开了她自己的上衣，我顿时鼻血狂喷，他整理整理了衣服说:“这些够了，下一位。” 我当时犹豫未尽的了一句:“能不能再抽一管！”
今天早上我妈给我打电话：儿子，我帮你拿了块地。 我就知道我是隐形富二代，我现在这样是家里为了磨练我。瞬间我就想好了未来的发展方向和投资目标。尽量用平静的语气问我妈：那块儿地。我妈说：顺丰快递。。。 妈，先挂了吧，我有点乱。。。
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
