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一日偷听父母在谈话。。。父:如果以后有个人娶了我们的女儿。。。。。。 母:那他太可怜了!我们应该同情他! 父:不,这种人上辈子造的孽太多了,不值得可怜!


大家都说灵异事件,我也说一个,每月发完工资没几天,钱就没了,太吓人了!

有多少女的为了不乘公交车而变成了公交车,有多少男的为了上公交车而天天乘公交车…左下的都离公交车远点

最近好多人都去上山问大师,我也去了我说大师你这么知识渊博怎么回去当和尚呢。大师说:我年轻时家道贫困只剩我和一只猫,于是我和猫商量天下之大何处荣我安身。猫沉默良久说:庙,于是我就来了

有时候你想约个炮,却不小心谈了场恋爱。有时候你想好好谈个恋爱,却发现只是约了个炮、我喜欢牵了手就能成婚的故事,却活在了一个上了床也没有结果的时代……

“两块两块,全场卖两块,两块钱你都买不起,你个穷逼。”这是我们这里一个商场喊的。我感觉老板太任性了

“喂,119吗”“是啊,怎么啦”“着火啦“多长时间啦””半个小时”“怎么才打电话”“刚才没着到我家”

今天听见一个男同事对女同事说,小荣我出300万包养你行吗?女同事说:好呀!男同事又说了一句,那我给你五块钱先玩十分钟的行么?欲哭无泪。

今天老板把我叫进办公室:你怎么这么猥琐,竟然偷看女厕所?我赶紧矢口否认:我没有!他把电脑屏幕转过来,面对老板在女厕里的监控录像,我无话可说。

lz去办公室和一个文员要文件……背景完毕……打印的时候lz拿出一根烟抽了起来,那女的说,你抽烟前不应该问问身边的女士吗,我说:哦,你抽不??为啥她会是那样眼神!有错吗?

男:老婆,你当初为什么会看上我这个做事磨磨唧唧的慢性子男人的??女:我特么寻思着,你干那事时,可能也是不会很快就结束啊!谁料到,你特么比别人都快...。

昨天坐地铁,看一妹子在玩消消乐,看的入神,妹子突然卡壳了,然后我鬼使神差的帮她点了。。。

昨晚我表弟用我QQ号玩游戏,后来他说我QQ名字不霸气,我说那你给我起一个霸气的。然后我就去睡觉了,今天早上起来登QQ,喝!QQ上显示:早上好,齐天大吊!

说个以前的事,有个瓜农,开农用拖拉机去城里卖瓜,刚好碰到交警检查,没有证,要把拖拉机带走,高潮来了,一个交警坐上去,鼓捣一会,竟然不会开,几个交警都上去,试了不会开,,,,于是交警把车还给了他,抱了几个西瓜走了,,走了,,了,,,了

最羡慕这4种人:坐在最后一排仍不用戴眼镜的人,字写得再快也是很漂亮的人,衣服穿的再少手还是很暖的人,上课不专注但依然很学霸的人!顺便来张自拍!

说一个我战友的真事儿,去piao,那天中午喝多了,约好了在人家里,完事儿了才想起来钱包里钱不够,就问人姑娘网银转账行不行。。那姑娘也实在,让他冲了500话费。。

一要好的朋友,两口气吵架,吵的不可开交,一气之下把结婚证给撕了!!第二天没气过,跑去民政局办离婚…结果民政局让把结婚证拿出来…然后就喜剧了…两人回家粘结婚证去了…

老公最近有点嚣张,昨晚偷偷在他钱包里放了两个套套,今早出门的时候故意问他要点零钱,他打开钱包,我故意把头申过去看到了,非要他解释,结果支吾半天说不清楚,老娘给他那一顿扁啊!!!哼,小样,还治不了你了!让你嚣张!

好人还是多的,昨天用支付宝充话费,输错了一个数,充给了别人,给他发短信,他用手机给我充100Q币,感谢尾号是2919的北京朋友,不知道他是不是这里的人,为他求一百个赞

从北京往温州的k101次火车6号车厢上一个基督教徒和一佛教徒的辩论赛持续一个多小时了,还在进行中,我也是醉了。

小时候家里那个穷啊,让去打个酱油啊 醋啊 路上都得搞个两口

我认识一哥们是中XX局的技术人员,曾到非洲的工地上工作,有次到坦桑尼亚,吃早餐的时候接待他的一当地人用蹩脚的汉语问他吃不吃煎蛋,哥们跟爽快的说道:来两个。后来一盆煎蛋端上来的时候哥们抓狂了,麻痹的,是鸵鸟蛋你不早说?!真的是一洗脸盆煎蛋.....

和老婆闹嘴,老婆说到:一直说我胖,哪里有好胖嘛,我也才90斤。本着糗百精神,随口一句,别人90斤胸部占10斤,你90斤胸部才占2斤,怎么能不胖。说了这句后,感觉婚姻生活不长久了。。。。

一朋友怀孕了。但怕他老公性急会憋坏就与老公商量说在网上买娃娃给他用。但唯一条件是不许比她漂亮!于是她老公沉默一会便说道:老婆,我爱你,这十个月我能忍得住!!想想她老公还真爱她呀!

朋友在北京开个小超市,
一天晚上和东北一哥们视频聊天,突然想上厕所,叫视频里哥们看下店,来个老大爷买酱油,正准备结账,发现没人,突然视频那哥们说句:大爷,店里没人,钱放桌上你走吧。老大爷放下酱油人就跑了……

以下是我和逗逼同事之间的对话……割割割割割……我:你发多少钱?同事:差点不到一万。我:可以啊,差多少?同事:8000……谁都别拦着我,给他俩大嘴巴子!

家有一宝,操心到老。闺女上一年级,昨天送她到学校门口,我就着急上班去了,九点多班主任打电话来小孩没有上学,我心里就慌了,和老婆沿路找,一无所获。等中午回来准备报警了,打开门看到熊孩子一边吃薯片一边看熊来了,问她怎么不去上学,她说迷路了,找不到教室,就回家了。闺女啊,不想上学就直说啊,学校离家可是有九站路的,让你爹妈担惊受怕!!

我已经不是那个拿着五斤香蕉回家担心半路被抢的小孩了,因为我他妈的连五斤香蕉都买不起了。

和老公一起看电视,他从后边抱着我,我还奇怪为什么一直摸我肚子。。后来他手往上一点,惊呼这是什么?我说胸啊??他说那我刚才摸的是什么。。老子要减肥!破500三天不吃饭了!

半年实习期刚刚过,苦了半年,发了半年1600,今天是转正后第一个月发工资,5500,幸福来得太突然了,我竟然不知所措^_^

刚刚在B4公交车上(搞不懂你们为什么要割)一女在公交起步的时候摔倒了,然后旁边一女的就大喊:怎么办呢怎么办呢,有人晕倒了,可能是羊癫疯呢!然后只见摔倒的那个女的用一种迅雷不及掩耳之势站了起来,用着一种幽怨的眼神看着那女的!我也是醉了

观音菩萨担心唐僧遇见妖怪,就送了一个GPS给唐僧,可以提前知道妖怪的位置,这样提前绕道就行了。
GPS响了:前方800米是白骨精洞穴,请绕道。前方1500米是狮驼岭,请绕道……
前方2000米处是女儿国,请……
唐僧把GPS关掉了,说:阿弥陀佛,贫僧想勇敢面对一次困境!女儿国不绕道了!

发现没有,自从糗百开始发灵异,露胸露腿的还有约炮的明显少了很多,看来出来卖的都怕晚上撞鬼啊!

说一真事,外公过世出殡请了一风水先生看风水,路过一十几年前的坟墓的时候风水先生说了句:这坟墓风水哪个看的,极不好,这户人家要出大事。随行的堂叔二话不说,上去就给了那风水先生一耳光,原来这坟墓的风水就是那风水先生看的....看的.......

人生最幸福的事莫过于在我80岁以后进家门还可以喊一声“爸,妈,我回来了"

打开QQ,群里一个妹子吆喝:“幼儿园教师,有人干不?”“多少钱一个月”“基本工资+课时费”。尼玛劳资还以为……

是啊,没钱什么都是废话,哪怕把心掏给她,她也感觉那是普通的一块肉,也许这是笑话

整天这就是农民工,那就是农民工!我就想问问你们城里人是不是都是开公司搞集团得?我们是农民工,可是我们也不爱被你当猴一样拍照然后晒上网,我们不需要同情,只要尊重,我们和你们一样!

学生1:老师老师,为什么要去春游啊?
学生2:你傻啊,当然是为了写日记了!
我:......
当然是为了写日记了

早上睡得迷迷糊糊,老公侧身过来抱着我:老婆,我想儿子了……
哎,出门在外打工孩子在家谁能不想啊……
他见我沉默,接着说:要不我们再生一个吧…………
妈蛋,这个二货想要QQXX都说得那么煽情!!!

终于明白什么叫学霸了。我舅舅四十多岁普通老百姓,刚才居然教我用加权平均法找对象。看来他的数学真的是数学老师教的


妹纸A:美美,昨儿个我看你从超市出来,手里提了一大袋东西,是什么丫? 美美:昨儿个超市TT打折,我就买了几十盒。 妹纸A:送我几盒用用呗! 美美:全是大号的,你老公用不了。 妹纸A:我又不是给老公用。我记得你老公也不是用大号的丫? 俩人同时:唉···等等···(转)



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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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