Esim - 2.5 虽然严格来说现在是2.6,不过你们那么聪明,当没看到好了
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我有一个朋友,姓敖名武,你说你叫什么不好,非叫这么个名字,你知道每次在街上大喊你名字的时候我们多尴尬吗?路人看我们就跟看傻叉似的。


男:美女,我的孩子说你真漂亮,想让你做他的妈妈!
女:你孩子呢?
男:假如你愿意,十个月后我会安排你们见面。
女:请问五个月你能接受不?
男:.........

手机响了,一看老同学打来的,立马接听。
电话那头:“喂,老同学,我们有个工程项目,我负责招标,分4个标段同时施工,由于赶工期,可直接进场施工,目前还有一个标段,你考虑下做不做?”
我顿时激动万分:“什么工程,好不好收款?”
电话那头:“好收款,不垫资,现场结算。”
我欣喜若狂:“什么工程?我马上过来和你谈。”
电话那头:“起长城,三缺一!”

老师:今天我也让你们当一回老师,让你们体会一下做老师的辛苦。

  小明:上面的那位同学,既然你那么喜欢站着,就TM站到走廊上去。

  老师:滚出去……


“iPhone6还真难抢,我今天拿着刀在街上逛了半天都没碰到一个人用。”

最讨厌电话推销保险的了,今天中午休息的时候就打过来一个电话:先生您好,您贵姓啊!
“孙”
“孙先生,您一般用什么交通工具啊!”
“筋斗云”
那货沉默了。。。

儿子上大学才两个月就电话我,说看上个女同学。我苦口婆心的劝:你还年轻,要以学业为重,现在的爱情没有基础……最后儿子终于妥协了,说:好吧,我听你的,不谈了。其实有个室友也长的眉清目秀的。……儿子……不急……刚才脑子有点乱……要不你再跟我说说那个女孩什么情况?

夜,女儿心急给妈打电话:“妈!他还没回来,一定有别的女人了!”娘轻声安慰: “傻孩子,乖,别净往坏处想,兴许是出车祸了!

一个县长因被免职后气成了植物人,被送到医院。医生说:“给他念个官复原职的通知也许就好了。”其妻想,既然要念,干脆念个市长,让他高兴高兴。哪知念过之后这位县长挺身而起,大笑气绝。医生叹息说:“不遵医嘱,擅自加大剂量啊!”

今天我挤公交车,回头一看发现我包开了!!我一看手机啊…钱包啊都在,就作业本丢了…… 老师:你…给我…出去!!

爷爷指着西红柿的卡片,教正在认真看卡片的宝贝说:来,跟爷爷念,洋柿子!
爷爷又指着小鸟的卡片,对刚才有所迟疑洋柿子卡片的宝贝说:来,跟爷爷继续念,家雀儿!
爷爷继续指着蝴蝶的卡片,对正在看前两个卡片迟疑的宝贝说:来,跟爷爷继续念,扑棱蛾子!

老师:同学们,我画的这图怎么样?
小明:看图不留种,菊花万人捅。
老师:你别插嘴!
小明:我知道,上下我分的清!
老师:滚出去……

今天去找哥们玩,从窗外看见他坐在床上,双腿盘缠着,双手护于脚掌。宝相庄严,异常专注,时不时还低下头做深呼吸。心想这是在练瑜伽吧!?开门进去一看,尼玛,在抠脚……

老师:同学们,上语文课这么久了老师今天用个唐伯虎的经典对子来考考大家“画上荷花和尚画”,比对乃是回文联,正反念都一样。
学霸:埋孤泥土尼姑埋
老师:好对!
小明:天朝吊丝屌朝天
老师:滚出去!

我和老婆紧紧相拥着在沙发上看电视。老妈走过说:“真肉麻”。只有我们两个知道,不是肉麻,只是两个冻的发抖也不肯去拿毯子的懒癌末期患者而已。

当我们听到:”波涛汹涌”时再也想不到大海,证明我们的节操早已远去

1、锄禾日当午,汗滴禾下土,谁知盘中餐,有毒;2、白日依山尽,黄河入海流。欲穷千里目,有雾;3、日照香炉生紫烟,遥看瀑布挂前川。飞流直下三千尺,A股;4、雕栏玉砌应犹在,只是朱颜改,问君能有几多愁?要拆;5、一去二三里,烟村四五家。亭台六七座,豆腐渣。

一把大锁挂在门上,金钥匙自告奋勇插了进去,却无法将锁打开。不起眼的铁钥匙来了,他钻进锁孔,只轻轻一转,锁便轻松打开。 铁钥匙骄傲的说:“金钥匙,知道为什么平凡的我能打开这锁吗?因为我是她的原配,我最懂得她的心。” 金钥匙一脸不屑:”我特么有病去了解你媳妇的心?我就插着玩玩…”

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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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