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小时候，老妈说含着一口水洗澡就算洗冷水澡也不会感冒，我信了，默默的含了好多年，即使感冒了，我也只是怀疑一定是我含的方式不对。。今天吃饭的时候我说起这事，老妈终于坦白，说是小时候我洗澡的时候爱唱歌，而且唱的太难听，邻居都来投诉，她才想出的主意。。。
我们班高中语文老师很矮小，根号二都比他高！还特爱炫耀！某天他又惯例在班花面前炫耀说:我这衣服面料好的很，你猜好多钱？600多还打了折的！语毕有个不大不小的男声传来:靠，童装都那么贵啊！从此，此男生的作文就在0至20分之间徘徊……
十年生死两茫茫，喜羊羊，灰太狼。舒克贝塔，蓝猫话凄凉。纵使相逢应不识，圣斗士，美猴王。老夫聊发少年狂,治肾亏,不含糖。锦帽貂裘，洗衣用奇强。为报倾城随太守，三百年，九芝堂。夜来幽梦忽还乡,学外语,新东方。相顾无言，洗洗更健康。问挖掘机哪家强？到山东，找蓝翔。
楼主：‘五楼是我儿’
一楼：‘五楼是我孙子’
二楼：‘五楼是我曾孙子’
三楼：‘五楼是我曾侄子’
四楼：‘五楼是我曾曾孙子’
五楼：‘汪汪汪……’
【有一种损叫做同归于尽】
刚看见个新闻说一男的做手术被误切了颗睾丸，赔了200w，我现在一想到我每天出门带着400w的东西摇哪乱逛我就腿软…
今天店里来了位大妈，要多土有多土，而且胖，身上还散发出一股浓烈的臭味。
我全程捂着鼻子帮她做完头，她很满意，给了我2000块小费。
你说她人这么漂亮也就算了，居然还这么大方，简直就是我心中的女神。。。
公交站台，看一背包男子打电话。
“喂”
“王先生吗，站牌上的广告是你贴的吗？”
“是啊，是啊，欢迎你来电咨询。”
“曹尼玛！挡着站牌，害的你爹座错车”……
夜里来了一群打架受伤的。
不一会警察过来问一个伤的最厉害的:你是哪伙的？
那个小伙立马哭着喊到:我刚从网吧出来，看到一群人在追一群人，我也吓得跟他们一起跑，然后摔了一下，就被他们往死里打，然后我往回走，之前被追的又冲回来，我又被打了一顿。
小学语文题关联词填空：
他____牺牲生命，____出卖组织。
60后填“宁可 也不”，
70后填“害怕 所以”，
80后填“与其 不如”，
90后填“即使 也要”，
00后填“白白 忘了”。这就叫代沟
今天路上一对儿情侣吵架，很凶很闹，最后男的不说话了，女的骂的更厉害了，大概是觉得男的吵不过她。女的最后问：你还有什么话好说？男的回：以后若再见，记得给我打折。说完转身走了，留下那女的和众人凌乱在风中。 大哥！不，大师！请受徒儿一拜！
每次拿出手机解锁，划几下，翻来翻去，然后锁屏，放进兜里。尼马，忘看几点了。。是不是你？？？？
我们家楼下有一小女孩，最近好像迷上了“鲁冰花”了，每天早晨下楼就听见“天上的星星不说话，地上的娃娃想妈妈”今天早上我出门的时候又在唱，刚唱到天山的星星，我以迅雷不及掩耳响叮当之势回了一句：参北斗啊！小姑娘顿时噎回去了，估计现在还在找调呢…（上次我坐公交车，后面三个小女孩在很欢乐的背木兰诗，背到爷娘闻女来的时候，我特别想接上：举身赴清池，阿姊闻妹来，自挂东南枝，小弟闻姊来，琵琶声停欲语迟，横眉冷对千夫指，安能辨我是雄雌，哈哈哈）
前几天小姨子军训完发了条说说:终于从初三的老女人变成高一的小学妹了！好开心的！！！ 小姨子，你的算数真好
一天包包问公孙先生：“公孙先生，用一首歌来形容我，好吗？”
公孙先生想了想说：“好汉歌！” 包包开心地说“您说我为民请愿吗？”
公孙先生唱到：“嘿嘿……嘿嘿嘿！”公孙策卒。
记得小时候有一次在门口吃饭，邻居的叔叔跟我说“你碗底破了个洞”，我翻过来一看没有啊，结果饭菜都洒了。前阵子回老家看到他孙子（四五岁那样）在门口吃饭，想起那事就跟他说“你碗底破了个洞”，结果那小屁孩来了句“SB，破洞了还能盛饭吗？”………………妈的我小时候怎么就那么SB………………
今天去幼儿园接弟弟 发现他一直盯着一个女孩吃糖葫芦。口水都要流下来了 我怜悯之心大起 说：“喜欢吗？ 哥哥给你去买一个。” 弟弟犹豫了一会儿说：“哥哥， 贩卖儿童是不对的！”
现在的小屁孩。。。。。。
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
