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1.官二代：撞老子A8活腻了？
富二代：破A8没小爷宾利车灯贵。
官：看清老子车牌号，长安街敢逆行。
富：吓唬谁，小爷花钱雇人作了你。
官：老子现在调几卡车军队来干你。
富打电话：爸，我在xx桥上撞一官二代，他要调几卡车军队干我。
富爸：儿子放心吧，卡车过不去，桥是爸修的，爸有数
2.我家丫丫一岁半，最经典的是睡觉从来不用别人哄，右手拿奶瓶，左手拍自己，一会奶喝完了就自己把自己哄睡着了。。。
3.本人挖掘机司机一条，老板为了多挣点学费竟然让我带了3个徒弟。都没什么，最小那个18岁嘴特甜，也没什么，可他叫大师兄二师兄的时候，尼玛我为毛老感觉会被妖怪抓走？
4.老婆开玩笑说我有情人有小三什么的，问正在看动画片的6岁女儿“爸爸要是给你找个后妈怎么办。”女儿拿遥控器减弱了动画片声音，轻蔑的转过头来恨恨的说“别逗我了，他不会的，我们家钱都在你那，他那么穷，没女人跟他的。”
5.本人小时候胆小2B----格一下-----一次捡了两块钱，不敢直接拿走，果断埋在附近土里，回家换了个有口袋的衣服然后再回来扒出来拿走....囧....
6.地铁出站口，一大妈怎么也出不去，说机器坏了，我好心过去掏出我的卡试试，也没反应，我说确实坏了……哥斯拉……大妈急了，硬从有障碍的出站口挤出来了，恍惚间我看见她摆动的手中拿的是身份证，再看我手里拿的饭卡
7.昨天女儿上幼儿园第一天，做了很久的心理建设，头天晚上还哭着说：“我不上学，我怕老师打我！”~~~~谁敢打我女儿我割了你们~~~~结果昨天早上在幼儿园一大片哭声中我女儿是唯一春风满面的，东看看西摸摸看什么都新鲜，还拉着一个哭得最凄厉的小帅哥的手反复追问：“你怎么了，你为什么哭啊”。我和媳妇骄傲放心的离去了。惯例这不是gc，今天早上女儿一边起床一边说：“我得去上学照顾那些孩子们了……”照顾……孩子们……们……
8.和同事去吃变态辣的烤翅，以前都没吃过，第一次挑战，同事吃了一口，慢慢地把筷子放下缓缓地趴在桌上，我们很着急的问感觉怎么样，同事艰难地挤出一句话：一会儿再说，脑子辣没了~~~
9.大二时候遇到不顺心事，自己哭哭的特伤心（在教学楼一个偏僻的楼道口）后来发现一男的在我身边晃啊晃的，后来跑过来跟我说，别哭了，再哭眼妆花了就不好看了，我刚想说谢谢，他又来一句，同学纸能给我吗我想上厕所！
10.一女同学多年不见，从牙签妹变成一大胖纸，今天在街上遇见我和另外一哥们，我们都很吃惊！沉默了几秒钟，那哥们说到:都说时间是把杀猪刀，怎么到你身上就变成猪饲料了！？
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
