Esim - 1.24没品笑话选
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如果女友突然告诉你,她去测艾滋病毒测出来呈阳性,你该怎么办?
  假装很震惊。
——Frankie Boyle

我的小女孩儿成天都在抱怨自己的生活有多么艰难,我温柔地对她说:“傻孩子,你可是很幸运的呢!你有个温暖的家和爱着你的爸爸妈妈呀。”
  “嗯……我知道,”她的眼眶有点湿了,“我、我还能见到他们吗?”
——jack the gripper 发布于 绑架 栏目




2012年已经昨晚在酒吧里一个姑娘问我:“你相信世界上有巧合吗?”
  我震惊地回答:“开什么玩笑?我正想问你完全一样的问题啊!”
  手·到·擒·来。
——TheRizzler




过去三分之一,而我已经把新年时许下的承诺实现得只剩一条啦:
  1、戒酒——完成
  2、戒烟——完成
  3、戒懒,找到份工作——完成
  4、搬出爸妈家自己有房住——完成
  5、找个性感妹子当女友——完成
  6、戒成天撒谎——还没
——TheThe


☆ 妈妈常说:“永远不要做那些,你在将来会觉得后悔的事情。”
  我觉得这句话真是太有道理了,于是就把它纹身在了脑门上。
——FreddyEddie


一番不如人意的○○××之后,女友呆呆地坐在床沿,仿佛有泪水在眼中打转,我关切地倚过身去抱着她,问:“怎么了亲爱的?难过什么呢?”
  “呜……亲爱的……”她抽抽搭搭地说,“我也知道这是痴心妄想……可是我……我总是想……呜……你说,要是我是个中学生……或者至少是二十出头……那该多好……”
  “呵呵,小傻瓜,”我笑着抱紧她,“再过几年,你不就是了吗?”
——Cecilthewonderdog发布于 恋童癖 栏目




一番不如人意的○○××之后,女友呆呆地坐在床沿,仿佛有泪水在眼中打转,我关切地倚过身去抱着她,问:“怎么了亲爱的?难过什么呢?”
  “呜……亲爱的……”她抽抽搭搭地说,“我也知道这是痴心妄想……可是我……我总是想……呜……你说,要是我是个中学生……或者至少是二十出头……那该多好……”
  “呵呵,小傻瓜,”我笑着抱紧她,“再过几年,你不就是了吗?”
——Cecilthewonderdog发布于 恋童癖 栏目




我把8岁的儿子安置在餐桌前坐好,在他面前放了一盘糖果,然后我走出房间在外头呆了5分钟,就为了测试下他会不会把东西都吃了。
  当我走进房间时,他都已经开始哭了,不过面前的糖倒是一粒都没少,看来,他通过了测试。
  他真的是颈部以下瘫痪了啊!
——Biscuit777


伦敦马拉松里有个女的跑死了,她的家人接受采访说:“她总是能给身边的人们带来勇气和信念,是个励志的榜样……”
  她还真是让我立下了个志向:
  绝逼不去跑马拉松。
——Dr. Flexi Jerkoff


JK罗琳:“伏地魔的创作灵感来源于希特勒。”
  伏地魔的形象是高个子,年轻时英俊而肤色偏暗,后来成了一个瘦如骷髅、顶上没毛、肤色苍白、没有鼻子的怪物,还整天追着个小男孩跑。
  这哪儿是希特勒啊罗阿姨……这是MJ啊!
——Mack Jackson Man Of Action


切尔西的战术安排相当值得称赞:虽然场上是少一个人,但巴萨球员都没法集中精神了呀!一个个都在担心踢球的时候是不是自己的老婆就被特里艹了……
——RussWWFC


今天心情很低落,因为我养的仓鼠死了。
  好吧,其实还没死,不过呢喂仓鼠的东西已经没有了,所以也就是一两天的事了吧……
——caes


医生开药时我真心不明白我便秘他开给我LSD干什么,直到我看到一头龙,当场吓出屎来……
——cecinestpasuneaccount


AV看太多的后果……
  热水器坏了,我都不敢叫管道工上门来修……
——SuckUsOff

=.=.=.==.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.==.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.===.=.=.=.==.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=


今天是真心尴尬了,一不小心情人和老婆俩人就面对面了……
  我竟然忘了当初把她埋在这个地方了啊。
——WTD




每次对着镜子自撸的时候,我都会戴上假发涂上唇膏……
  不然盯着个男人撸那是要多奇怪啊!
——Jason Rouse(小修改)




前几天上了波霸乔丹,基本上我有两句话要说:
  1、她下面完全没你们说得那么松啊
  2、会被从杜莎夫人蜡像馆里赶出来啊
——kamsy123


今早我妈手提着几条内裤走进了我卧室,她把内裤里面翻出来对我说:“你看看!全都是屎印和精斑!”
  “哎,知道了,妈,”我说,“可你能不能不要拿自己的内裤在我眼前晃来晃去啊?”
——UglyMug
----------------------------------------
信息量。。。




昨天,小孙子来我们家玩,当妻子去厨房倒茶时,小孙子偷偷地问我:“爷爷,为什么奶奶的身上总是有股尿尿的味道呢?”
  “啊哈,孩子,你已经6岁大了,我想是时候该给你一个诚实的答案了,”我搭着孙儿的肩膀说,“小查理,你有没有听说过‘黄金雨’这个词?”
——ray piste
//不就是放尿play嘛……




☆ 因为我每晚都打鼾,有时老婆会受不了爬起来去和儿子睡一起。
  不过多少还是有点奇怪啊,他住得那么远,而且都已经28岁了……
——famous amos

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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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