Article
有时我打字的速度之快，真是连我自己都惊。
比如当女朋友跑来电脑前看着我的屏幕让我帮她在Google上搜索东西的时候……
——meu_14
和一大块头的家伙起了争执，他恶狠狠地说：“老子要用你的脸拖地！”
我说：“你会后悔的！”
“哦？后悔个毛啊？”
“呃，因为会拖不到角落里啊。”
——Emo Philips
人们都说家里的火警报警器至少一个月就应该试一次。
妈的害我在房子上都花了多少钱了……
——gazzytee
比在儿子的房间里找到贾斯汀·比伯的CD更可怕的是什么？
在旁边找到一盒纸巾……
——Sickrat200
小时候，我最喜欢在妈妈做完蛋糕后，把打蛋器舔得干干净净的。于是我也让自己的孩子们这么做。
唔，回头想想，当年我舔的时候，我爸妈似乎的确是把电源先拔了的呐……
——nailedon
常去的夜店开始只招注册在案的恋童癖来当员工——
假如他们硬了，你就得出示身份证。
——boombyebye
咱家的狗把咱孩子咬了，我想这麻烦东西还是不要了算了。
有谁想要孩子不？
——mg1
咱家的狗把咱孩子咬了，我想这麻烦东西还是不要了算了。
有谁想要孩子不？
——mg1
妻子高喊：“狗在楼梯上拉了屎，有人还在上面踩了一脚！”
“是我，是我。”我回答。
“你就没想过要弄干净吗？？”她还在吼。
“急个毛啊，”我答道，“我屁股都还没擦呢！”
——mg1
市警察局送了我一个好大的跳跳城堡哦。
我只不过是在办公室的窗户外面站了一会儿嘛。
——stallion sd
早上我对妻子说：“刚读完一篇科学报道，据说青草的叶子其实是有痛觉的呢。”
“你想得美了——割草机在仓库里，该干嘛干嘛去！”
——TheRizzler
我并不是爸妈亲生的，父母们并不对我特意隐瞒这一事实，我也因他们的坦诚而深感欣慰。
不过他们为什么每天都说几遍呢……
——MICK THE MAG
“你一定要舔刀吗？”
“啊啊对不起，习惯成自然，”我说，“不过很多人都有这样那样的习惯吧？”
“有是有，可这是在做手术啊，大夫。”
——Fuckdat
今天我正睡得好好的，突然就他妈被一推销员给吵醒了！
“先生——”
“听着，”我打断他，“我没兴趣，我正要睡觉呢！”
“所以这张床你到底是买不买了，先生？”
——tatty
我女朋友真是反复无常，早先呢我给她准备了个很棒的生日礼物，可然后呢她突然告诉我该开始存钱了礼物什么的她不想要，没想到现在她又说还是要礼物了，你们说头疼不头疼。
话说，淹死的狗咋弄活咧？
——7billion
一英格兰人、一爱尔兰人和一苏格兰人在医院同一间病房里，互相争论谁最粗心大意。
英格兰人说：“我最粗心了！今早我开到了人行道上一头撞到墙上，车是彻底报废了，人呢在这儿脖子上戴着固定架。”
“你是够粗心的，”苏格兰人说，“但还不能跟我比——今早我迎着红灯就冲了过去，一头撞在辆面包车侧面，车也彻底报废了，人呢在这儿肩膀骨折。”
“你是够粗心的，”爱尔兰人说，“但还不能跟我比——今早我转弯时速度太快，当时就失控了，一头撞在灯柱上，人呢在这儿断了两条腿。”
“你是够粗心的，”英格兰人说，“等等，车呢？”
“什么车？”爱尔兰人回答说，“我那是走路。”
——bumblesquash
下班回家，一打开门就撞见我妻子和我情人一起坐在沙发上，我心想坏了，就装傻说：“咦，什么事？”
“你说是什么事呢？”妻子问。
我回答：“我不知道呀，就看见你和一陌生姑娘坐在沙发上。”
“陌生姑娘？”小三大怒，“我哪里陌生了，我们○○××都半年了！”
我望向妻子说：“真的吗？”
——mg1
=======================================
☆ 最近刚开始谈的妹子在我卧室里翻东西时找到一张写着她名字的纸头，上面是我的字迹：
眼睛 10/10
胸部 10/10
嘴唇 10/10
屁股 10/10
腿 9/10
她于是笑嘻嘻地对我说：“原来你觉得我的腿10分里面只能打9分呀？”
“怎么会呢！它们超完美的啊！”我回答，“我只是还缺一双人腿就能完成手头这个项目了而已。”
然后我抽出了刀。
——walkindude
我完成了一次完美犯罪：我把一个哑剧演员关进了一个密封不透气的透明玻璃盒里。
谁都没起半点儿疑心……
——stallion sd
脉搏和高潮有什么相同之处？
她有没有，我并不在乎。
——madjimmyr 发布于 恋尸癖 栏目
Previous article:
1.17没品笑话选 (11 years ago)
Next article:
1.19 (11 years ago)
About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
