Esim - 1.5没品笑话选
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妻子已经失踪两个星期,身边人们的疑问也越来越多。
  问得最多的还是“你怎么这么高兴?”
——amakerman


儿子以为我菊花里头有个小太阳。
  ……嘛,正好塞了根手电在那里的时候被他撞见了,总得有个解释吧。
——burybob


我的金发女友以为她只要经常咽下我的精液身高就能变得和模特们一样。
  其实我只是每次她这么做了之后过几天把浴室的喷头高度降下来一点而已……
——bumblesquash



在笔记本上看一部有关LSD的视觉效果很晕人的电影,我妈走进了房间。
  “你吸毒了?!”她问。
  “没啊,只是部很怪的电影而已。”
  不过说来也奇怪,我妈都死了三年了,而且我家也没笔记本呀……
——jokemuncher



☆ 我常对妻子说:“我就是喜欢你现在的样子,没有必要去改变自己啊!”
  可她从来不听。
  总是变得越来越胖……
——graham82



老婆在Facebook上上传了堆照片圈了我,我去把圈人给取消掉了,结果她大发雷霆。我动之以理:“可是,因为那些照片真的很丢人的嘛。”
  “丢人?!”她更怒了,“那是我们的结婚照啊混蛋!”
——Debbie McGhee


我刚告诉我弟他是咱爹妈领养的。
  没想到他回了句“至少他们选择了我”……
——tdfboy
-------------------------
(我觉得这句真的真的很经典!by小天)

之前去看医生,医生满脸喜气地说:“好消息!您的那一对手臂义肢终于来了!”
  我也微笑着回答:“那真是太好了。”
  “嗯嗯,接下来只要您能在手术前在这儿签个字……”
——tdfboy


一哥们儿打电话来:“刚和老婆大吵了一架,你家有没有多余的床铺?我找到新房子还要个十几天吧。”
  “床是真没有,”我回答,“不过假如可以的话,沙发倒是有。”
  “太好了!不愧是我的好兄弟!嗯那我等下就让她过来。”
——mg1


正在公园跑着,一个姑娘窜出来用差不多的速度跑在我边上:“嘿,介不介意我和你一起跑?”
  于是我问:“怎么?你也刚强奸了个中学女生吗?”
——drof


我给我那有强迫症的朋友买了一幅比萨斜塔的纪念照片。
  他到现在还在头痛该怎么挂在墙上……
——stallion sd



下班回家,女友突然就对我拳打脚踢。
  “你怎么能这样!!”她尖叫着哭闹,“你怎么就做得出来这种事!!竟然艹了我妹妹!混蛋!人渣!!”
  “真的很对不起,”我坦白道,“可是,我去上班的时候,就看到她躺在那儿……还光着身子……我也是个男人,就是把持不住啊……你说这种情况,我还能干什么呢?”
  “倒是好好尸检啊……”女友哭道。
——RossGreen88


一个男子拿着一把枪冲进了酒吧。他举枪怒吼:“谁他妈艹了我老婆!”
  人群中传来一个声音:“嘿老哥,你这子弹不够多啊!”
——simao



现在这样的天气,假如你把狗狗留在轿车里,在没有水源又没有通风的情况下,很可能15分钟狗就死了。
  如果把暖气打开、再多等上半个小时,肉质会格外鲜嫩多汁哦。
——puncho(小修改)

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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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