Esim - 1.4没品笑话选
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在格拉斯哥进了一家酒吧想喝酒,突然就看到一简直狂暴的大块头冲我走过来,丫脑门上有一个凯尔特人队的队徽纹身,我还没来得及吭声就被他逼近了面前、用粗气对我吼:“嗯?你小子是哪队的球迷?!”
  我赶紧镇定地回答:“当然是凯尔特人了!”
  大块头的脸上怒意更增,简直红成了猪肝色,他狂吼道:“老子是流浪者队球迷!就是一群你们的人在我脑袋上弄了这个东西!”
  然后的事,我就不记得了……
——eviltorry

老婆是一名腹语师,于是她可以一边给我吹箫一边抱怨为啥非得给我吹箫……
——alexxxx


路考教官说:“脚往下。”
  我不是很确定地问:“可是这里限速40啊……?”
  “我是说你搁在窗外那只脚!”
——burybob

“假如你爱一个人,就给她自由:假如她回到你身边,那她就是你的;假如她就此离开,那么她本来就不属于你。”
  “啧,小姑娘耍什么小聪明,以后不给你哲学书看了。”说着他重新检查了少女的手铐有没有铐好。
——Cecilthewonderdog(有修改,原文指英国女童马德琳麦凯恩)




老婆问我有没有什么性幻想……
  “倒是有一个:我们俩假装彼此是从没见过面的陌生人……”
  “然后呢然后呢?你从酒吧把我带回家?”她兴奋地问。
  “没……就第一句那样。”
——VYCENESS3


今天遇见个好久没见的中学同学,他就开始装逼,说自己现在每个月多少多少钱、买了辆多帅的跑车、最后还掏出一张他老婆的照片给我看:“怎么样,她是个美人吧?”
  我说:“哈,你要是觉得她这样算漂亮,那你可真该看看我老婆!”
  “哦?她更漂亮?”
  “不,她是眼科大夫。”
——Biscuit777


男人见到女人,最先注意到的地方,就是女人的双眼。
  然后呢,等到她没在看的时候,他就去盯着咪咪了……
——Conan O'Brien


知道有句话叫“养宠物养久了主人也变会变得越来越像宠物的样子”吧?
  所以我老婆是不是瞒着我偷偷养了头河马啊……
——korva


我问医生:“大夫,有空的话,要不要一起喝一杯?我觉得你很漂亮呢。”
  “抱歉,我不是不愿意,但是没可能的。”她回答。
  “啊,我明白,毕竟,医患关系、职业操守么,是吧?”
  “不,并非如此,”她说,“我刚拿到你的体检结果……”
——stash

一对日本夫妻在吵架。
  丈夫说:“斯奇哒基!”
  妻子说:“阔挖尼尼!”
  丈夫说:“托卡啊安吉,楼底牢乌密牙阔喔!”
  妻子这时都已经跪了下来苦苦哀求:“米米纳阔乌滴,达来厅阔乌鸡!”
  丈夫怒喝:“奇拿听阔乌鸡!!”
  而你呢,就这么傻坐在电脑前一路读到现在好像你真的懂日语似的。。。
——lickeldevil

走在白金汉宫前的林荫路上,一个朋友转头对我说:“看到路边挂着这么多国旗,真是让我的爱国之情油然而生。”
  我提醒他:“陈,你是中国人,这些国旗可都是英国的啊。”
  “哈哈哈说什么呢,”他笑道,“自己去看标签上写的是啥。”
——ray piste


有次我遇到阿波罗11号宇航员巴兹·奥尔德林 ,便问他作为第二个踏上月球的人他有何感触。
  “啊,这么说吧,”他回答,“其实真没什么先后之分:着陆之前我们都还一直没决定该让谁先出去,到着陆时,阿姆斯特朗就跟我说咱们还是丢硬币决定吧。”
  “于是是他猜中了呢。”
  “没……”巴兹咕哝道,“硬币还没掉下来丫就从梯子上跳下去了,妈了个逼的……”
——drof


撸管真的会让JJ变小。不信?
  亚洲网速快,非洲没网上。
——binladensson


明天我就能打开小时候埋下的时光胶囊了。
  真是等不及看我的狗狗现在长多大了……
——pedroflaps

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USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

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Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


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