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1.有没有人到厕所开大号刚蹲下发现手机没带然后强忍住屎意回去拿手机的？有的举爪！！
2.老板和女同事从北京出差回来了，还特意从北京买来当地特产果脯给大家吃，
我不会告诉你果脯包装上面贴着深圳南山蛇口沃尔玛的标签，
我不会说老板曾经让我帮他交一套离那个沃尔玛很近的房子的物业费，
我也不会告诉你，那个女同事回来加薪又升值，
我更不会告诉你，老板本来准备带我去出差，只是本人亲戚来了~！~！~！
3.
我和老婆在家有个规矩：谁先饿谁就去做饭....很短不割.....今天我老婆居然饿哭了...好吧，我认输
4.楼上练钢琴的孩子，练小提琴的孩子，练笛子的孩子，以后获奖感言时，别忘了你的邻居！
5.当女朋友给自己戴绿帽子的时候就想，原来自己一直都在上别人的女朋友，心里就舒服多了……
6.天暖暖，衣短短。短裤，低胸，丝袜，齐13小短裙…幼稚的女生们，你们认为我们还在喜欢女人吗
7.本人高三，高考在即，深知体力之重要，决心戒撸以韬光养晦养精蓄锐。
然后，自己想出了一个办法，下了一首心经（佛教音乐，你懂的），准备每晚睡前听听，以达到祛除杂念，平心静气的作用。
但是！但是就在刚在！室友说来新片了。我tmd听着心经看着片，既内疚又兴奋的纠结的撸了一管。。。法克！
真是对不住啊佛祖！！！
8.家~里有个养猪厂。-割-话说猪都狠胆小认生的说。放假回家去猪场转转,正逄猪开饭，热闹非凡．恰好LZ咳嗽了一声,你猜到了,我去，百十头猪瞬间鸦雀无声额，齐刷刷地瞪着我呀…老紫又不是领导，又不是视察工作。
9.分割线-----------“乔峰！你若不是契丹人，胸口怎么会纹有狼头刺青？”，乔峰听罢仰天大笑，拨开衣领露出胸膛，“我这刺青明明是哈士奇，乃我丐帮打狗棒传人之标识！SB！
10我喜欢的女生告诉我，让我别太认真喜欢她，占占便宜就行了。。行了。。。
1.
和老婆爱爱都是晚上，今天早上老婆突然来了兴致，大战了两次。结果到单位发现今天是我们所和她们所篮球比赛，我是主力队员……老婆，你这是内奸吗？
2.
重庆的213天气是很怪的，今天10度，明天可以25度，白天25度，晚上可以10度
···哥来了，姐呢···
晚上和男友散步才发现降温了，
男友穿了毛衣，只扣了中间几个扣子
姐冷得缩了缩脖子，余光看到男友在捣持扣子，不禁一股暖流流过心间~~~
然后，我又不好意思虎视眈眈的看人家脱，所以就扭过头去了
等姐再转头回来的时候
这货把毛衣扣子全扣上了。。扣上，，了，，，
3.
老婆的两个同事去东京出差，顺便游玩迪斯尼。
结果迷路了，日语不会，所以只能靠蹩脚的英语求助，路人纷纷表示听不懂或不清楚。
后遇一对热情的年轻情侣，对方英语也很一般，于是四个人沟通了半个多小时仍说不清楚。
后来，老婆同事之一跟另一同事用中文说：要不咱们再问问别人吧？
你没猜错，对方也是中国人，用地道的东北口音说到：费死劲了，原来你们也是中国人。
4.
一句话不割..同桌中午去买东西.讲价没讲过卖货的出门蹲地上就哭了..
5.在家里发现一瓶过期的爽肤水，在网上搜了一下“爽肤水过期了，怎么废物利用？”蹦出一条“最佳答案”：给老公用……
6.小学二年级开学时候，老师让每个学生说出自己长大的理想，我傻啦吧叽的说：我的理想是以后当一名出色的农民，GC是，我的理想实现了。
7.……昨晚……昨晚……玩的太爽了，跳蛋的线弄断了，害老娘站地下，跳了半个小时才出来！有木有……！果断匿了！
8.一句话不割。。。男人永远体会不到奶涨的时候喷奶的感觉
9.儿看糗百给哥们说：“你猜黄瓜和香蕉那个好”
那哥们儿还没说话那，前边的一女生插嘴道：“黄瓜吧，有颗粒感”
。。。。。。。。颗粒感 。。颗粒感。。我俩疯了
10.简短不割，苍老师发mv了，看的时候为什么还是会下意识的拖动进度条
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
