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1.周末骑车去打工做家教，回来的路上车链子出了问题，骑上几圈就掉，骑上几圈就掉。途中巧遇一个美女，一路上，我骑到她前边一点，然后下车上链子被她超过，修好后超过她，接着链子再次崩溃，继续下车修。
大概有一半路程时，我下车修车，美女骑到我身边停下问“你是想要我的电话么？”我当时脑袋一抽“没有！”接着两个人发呆了几秒钟后，就看着那个女的脸红了。我赶紧改口说“但我想把我电话给你”
2.下午打副本，团里的一个奶妈突然没有反应了，不给我这个T补血，结果各种团灭。……………格格哥哥割………
YY上团队十多个大老爷们怒吼之，一直不讲话的奶妈过了一会彪悍地回了一句：“老娘大姨妈来了塞张卫生巾不行啊！你们下面流血了打个副本给我看看！”顿时世界安静了。
3.
单位同事都喜欢网购。今天一男同事买的货到了，他特兴奋，说九十多块钱买了一件七匹狼，超划算。 女同事们听到了都聚拢过来。包装拆开一看，是“千匹狼”。 一位阿姨幽幽地说：“真划算，多给了你九百多匹狼呢。”
4.前几天，一个同事给我介绍对象，是他儿子的同学。见面的时候，小姑娘主动点头跟我握手，挺漂亮的，我忍不住看得久了点，惹来人家一脸尴尬，忙称赞说，没见过这么漂亮姑娘，不小心看愣神了。这时我同事捅了捅我，呵呵干笑着介绍，这是我儿子……
5.一句话'单位里总有那样的贱女人'把生殖的通道当成升职的通道！
6.刚才看麻辣隔壁有段对话说。小姐要是被于死了。算自杀还是他杀？答。。这怎么能是他杀呢。这是殉职啊。。。殉职啊。。。
7.结婚的时候，我老娘非要给我挂个八卦镜在心口前………我一时怒发冲冠，对俺老娘说，知道的人知道喔去结婚，不知道得认还以为我去除妖！！！
8.爸爸，爸爸，为什么雷锋叔叔当兵两年照了一千多张照片？
傻孩子 那是因为国家需要
9.刚才我刚被老爸骂------给过了吧…原因居然是他在xxxxxx贴吧被封了六次ID 他刚才知道我是吧主
10.心情不好的时候，我喜欢找个人少的教室去上课，再明目张胆的提前离开
这样把老师激怒就会点名，屡试不爽
1.昨天在必胜客我问服务员.能给我添碗米饭麽..
我女朋友当着人家面说 ： 先生 . 你能到别桌吃麽？我不想跟你拼桌！.
2.有些人就喜欢占便宜，听到无痛人流打折他都想怀个孩子的那种
3.阅览室看门姐姐的女儿，很可爱萝莉一枚，我们常泡图书馆的跟她混的很熟…………哥哥…………昨天我们买糖给小丫头吃，小丫头看着我，很认真的说“叔叔，虽然你长得丑，但你对我真的很好”
情何以堪啊……
4.班导开班会，大致传达学校最近严抓校纪校风。班导说：＂我们班的男生不要喝酒，更不要去P倡。P倡不可怕，可怕的是去P倡的时候遇见咱班女同学！＂
5.数控老师要放个机构运动视频，好几个播放器都放不出来，最后老师鼠标在快播图标上犹豫了一下，选择放弃了。。。
我似乎明白了什么
6.我们维修工，一次同事去监狱修东西。跟犯人们一起。中午一起吃饭闲聊，讨论出狱的话题。那个说我还有三年，这个说我还有两年。我同事幽幽说了句，我tmd下午就出去。几百双眼睛刷刷。。。。
7.一句话，……羞涩难割…有没这样的，小时候在米缸里练铁沙掌，我插，我插，我插插插…结果把老妈埋的私房钱给插出来了……
8.与女友异地恋，每天晚上都要给她打个把小时电话，此为背景。--------------据说是这么哥的么？---------------------昨天给女朋友的妈妈打了一个电话，然后去洗澡，完了都快十点了，再给女朋友打电话的时候，忘了给她妈打过了，直接重拨。电话接通的时候，很YD的喊了一声“亲爱的……”
惯例这不是g潮。准丈母娘的手机音量很大有木有！睡在旁边的准老丈听到了有木有！只听准老丈颤抖的声音问道：“谁大半夜的打电话来叫你亲爱的？”
9.听说雷锋当兵两年照了一千多张照片，当时交卷36张/卷,1000/36张=27卷，每卷30元？共需要27*30=810元，洗胶卷每张0.8元，1000*0.8=800元，800+810元=1610元两年工资24个月，1610/24=67元，那个时代67元一个月是省长的待遇呀，还不算四处资助老大妈，坐火车找票贩子的钱！@￥#%……，原来雷锋同志是富二代呀10.
10.娃：妈妈，如果我很乖是不是可以奖励？
娘：当然。
娃：那我以后每天都乖乖的，你说什么我都听，你可不可以每天给我两块钱的乖乖费。
娘（匪夷所思啊）：这个~~~主意倒是不错的，我考考虑吧。
娃：耶耶~~~要是你答应了，我就每个星期有10块钱了。
娘：怎么是10块呢？你算术怎么学的，一个星期是7天吧，你再算算！
娃：我没说要乖7天呀，我总得休息两天吧……
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
