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"Ne želim više da živim od socijalne pomoći i prošenja, hteo bih da radim!!!"
Službenica ga pogleda i kaže: "Baš imate sreće, imamo ponudu jednog bogatog gospodina, koji traži šofera i bodyguarda za svoju kći nimfomanku.
Morate voziti ogroman crni mercedes i 1 - 2 puta na dan kresnuti devojku. Kako mlada dama puno putuje, morate je pratiti na tim putovanjima.
Na raspolaganju su vam odela, kravate i odeća za slobodno vreme.
Osnovna plata iznosi 10.000 EUR mesečno, a pošto ćete često raditi prekovremeno, biće i povišica."
Ciga: "Vi mene zayebavate!?"
Službenica: "A ko je prvi počeo???"
ONA: Zašto me pratiš?
ON: Sad kad si se okrenula i ja se pitam!
Vrhunac pijanstva? Kad na sopstvenoj svadbi gledas kako iznose tortu i pitas kome je rodjendan...
Mujo po prvi put putuje avionom. Sav je u frci i muka mu je. Stjuardesa primjećuje da Mujo ima nagon za povraćanjem i kaže: Nemojte molim vas, sad ću vam donijeti vrećicu! Mujo se jedva suzdržava da se ne izbljuje. Stjuardesa donosi vrećicu i odlazi ispraćena pogledom zahvalnosti. Dolazi poslije kratkog vremena i zatiče cijeli avion izbljuvan i sve putnike u jadnom stanju. Pa zaboga što ste to uradili, jesam vam dala vrećicu? Ma jesi, al' sam je ja brzo napunio i kad se avion zaljuljao htjelo se prosut' pa sam malo otpio a onda su ovi oko mene počeli.
Sveštenik je završio dugačku nedeljnu misu rečima: - Sledeće nedelje, glavna tema moje besede biće greh laganja. Da biste lakše shvatili moju narednu besedu, želim da svi do naredne nedelje pročitate iz Novog zaveta 17. glavu jevanđelja po Marku." Sledeće nedelje, na početku crkvene ceremonije: - "Jeste li svi pročitali 17. glavu jevanđelja po Marku?" - "Jesmo!", povikaše svi u glas. - "Odlično! Jevanđelje po Marku ima samo 16 glava. A sada, očitajmo molitvu za lažove."
Били слепац, инвалид и ћелавац.
Слепац каже: ''Ено мора!''.
Инвалид каже: ''Потрчимо!''.
Ћелавац каже: ''Нека нам се косе вијоре!'
Beže Mujo i Haso iz zatvora i moraju da skaču u kanalizaciju. Pošto je bio mrak i ništa se nije videlo, kaže Mujo Hasi: - Haso, 'ajde ti prvi skoči u ova govna, pa mi onda reci dokle su, da znam šta da očekujem. Ovaj skoči i dere se odozdo: - Muuujooo... Do članakaaa suuu! Skoči Mujo i zabije se u ona govna sve do grla. - Mater ti tvoju, što si me zajeb'o! Upao sam do grla, bolan! - E, jebi ga, jarane, kad ne znaš da skačeš na glavu.
Uselio se Mujo u novi stan sve lepo, divno, krasno kad drugu vece oko 10 naveče čuje neko lupanje. Sluša on malo bolje i skonta da dolazi iz stana ispod njega.
Sidje dole pozvoni i otvori mu dečko vrata a Mujo će:
"što je bolan, što lupaš tako kasno?"
Dečko: "Joj sorry al' imam sutra s drugarima koncert pa moram vežbati na svojim bubnjevima tako da budem dobar dok sviramo. Daj molim te pusti me samo ovu veče.
Mujo: "OK, ajde samo ti nastavi."
I tako druge veceri opet ista priča, opet lupanje i opet Mujo sliazi dole.
"Sto lupas ponovo?
"čuj sorry al' odgodili su nam koncert za sutra pa onda danas imam generalnu probu."
"Ajd dobro samo ti sviraj"
I tako ponavlja se osta priča jos par večeri kad jednu večer nema Muje dole, niko ne zvoni i malom bilo čudno kako to da ga nema i ode mali gore zvoniti Muji.
Pozvoni mali i čuje se glas iznutra "Otvoreno je !!!".
Udje mali unutra i vidi Muju kako drka i pita ga: Sta radis ??
A Mujo će na to: " Imam generalnu probu, sutra ću ti jebat mater !!!
- Halo, je l' to "Vodovod"?
- Pogrešili ste gospodine, ovo je elektrodistribucija.
- Nema veze, i vama je*em mater!
Krali Bosanci kamenje u crnogorskom selu i nosili u Bosnu. Kad su vidili Crnogorci potrčaše Vladiki da se žale, a Vladika reče: "Ma nek nose, ko ih je*e.." Za nedelju dana dogodi se ista stvar, a Vladika opet odgovori isto. Treću nedelju opet dotrčaše Vladiki, a on opet: "Ko ih je*e, nek nose,bar kamenja imamo" A jedan od seljaka istupi: "Dobro vladiko, pojavi li se zemlja ti ćeš je orati!
Dosao Hitler u logor i kaze jevrejima:"danas sam nesto lepo raspolozen i dacu vam da igrate vaterpolo...Vi cete nositi plave kapice,a krokodili crvene..."
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
