Article
- Šta to radiš?
- Pa ja sam lula.
- Ma otkud ti ta ideja, po čemu si ti lula?
Izvadi ludak kurac i kaže:
- Povuci dim, pa ćeš dase uveriš.
Dobro: Vasa zena je trudna.
Lose: Rodila trojke.
Zlo: Sterlizirani ste prije 5 godina.
Dobro: Zena ne govori sa vama.
Lose: Zeli razvod.
Zlo: Ona je odvjetnik.
Dobro: Vas sin konacno odrasta.
Lose: Spetljao se sa kurvom iz susjednog ulaza.
Zlo: Bas kao i vi.
Dobro: Vas sin puno uci u svojoj sobi.
Lose: U sobi ste nasli nekoliko skrivenih pornica.
Zlo: Akteri u nekima od njih ste vi i vasa zena.
Dobro: Objasnjavate cerki ono o pcelama i biljkama.
Lose: Stalno vas prekida.
Zlo: I ispravlja.
Dobro: Vas sin je izgradio stabilnu vezu.
Lose: To je veza sa muskarcem.
Zlo: I to vasim najboljim prijateljem.
Dobro: Vasa cerka je nasla dobro placen posao.
Lose: Radi kao kurva.
Zlo: Zaradjuje znatno vise od vas...
Pita kondukter osobu u autobusu:
- „Jel’ imate kartu?“
- „What?“
- „Kartu, molim.“
- „Excuse me?“
- „Kartu!“
- „I don’t understand.“
- „Your ticket, please.“
- „Šta?“
Išla Fata na spoj s intelektualcem i obećala Muji da će mu sve ispričati kad dođe kući.Kad se vratila,pita Mujo
- Kako je bilo?
Ona kaže:Najprije smo išli na večeru.
- I Onda? - pita Mujo
- Onda mi je poklonio ružu.
- I onda?
- Otišli smo u njegov BMW.
-I onda?
- Onda mi je pokazao penis.
- Što je to Bolan Fato penis.
- Ma to ti je ko u nas k***c, samo maleno
Došao Bosanac u Francusku, seo u restoran i naručuje jelo:
- Ja bih la vina i la kobasic…
Kada je dobio naručeno zadovoljno se osmehnuo, a konobar mu odgovara:
- Pojeo bi la k*rac da ja nisam Bosanac.
I tako ti ja, bolan Haso, sjednem u avion i pravac Frankfurt, kad za pola sata pojavi se neka raja, zauzmu avion i kažu da su otmičari. A mene baš zaboli, ono, nije moj avion, briga me,
'ladan ko Klint Istvud.
Bijah miran sve dok nisu krenuli da siluju jednu žensku. Tu je meni puk'o film. Digo se ja i dreknem, onako k'o šerif: Pustite je!!!
I pustili je na miru, ali postavili meni ultimatum: Il' skačeš il' te svi guzimo!"
Haso se sav uživio u priču.
"... I, jesi li skak'o???"
"Jesam, malo, u početku... dok mi se guzica nije razradila"
Kupio čovek novog BMW-a pa rešio da ga malo provoza. Izađe on tako u grad i stane na semaforu, kad ono BUM. Okrene se on i vidi fiću. Pogleda svoj auto i vidi slomljena stop svetla, spojler, branik iskrivljen. Krene on ljutito prema vozaču fiće. Uhvati ga za kragnu, kad on zavapi:
• Nemoj bre, prijatelju. Pogledaj šta voziš, a ja nemam para. Smiluj se!
Ovaj se smiluje i pusti ga. Staje malo kasnije na drugom semaforu i opet BUM. Okrene se i ne može da veruje, opet isti fića! Krene on sada sa željom da ubije onog drugog, ali ovaj opet zakuka:
• Nemoj brate, molim te, imam ženu i troje dece.
Ovaj se opet smiluje i pusti ga. Krene i opet, na trećem semaforu, BUM. Okrene se vozač BMW-a, a onaj otpozadi iz fiće mu maše:
• Idi, idi, ja sam!
Ulazi Mujo u kafanu sa puskom, ljut ko ris i kaze:
- "Ko je imao seks sa mojim Fatom?!"
Sa nekog stola čuje glas:
- "Nemaš ti toliko metaka jarane!"
Gusar sedi u krčmi i pije rum, kad ga krčmar pita:- Kako ste dobili tu drvenu nogu? Jednog dana sam plivao pored broda, naišao je morski pas i odgrizao mi nogu. A kako ste dobili tu kuku na ruci? U napadu na jedan brod mi je odrezana. A kako ste dobili taj povez preko oka? Gledao sam galeba kako leti i on mi se posr'o u oko. Krčmar sav zbunjen: Pa, zar se od toga može izgubiti oko? Ne, ali to mi je bio prvi dan s kukom.
Zakon gravitacije u BiH:
"ŠTA GOD DA BACIŠ U VIS, NEMERE GORE OSTAT DA MU JEBEŠ MATER".
Dolazi gubavac u restoran i jedino slobodno mesto je pored nekog tipa koji sedi sam za stolom.
Tip: "Sedi pored mene, nisam ja gadljiv."
Gubavac: "Ali ja sam skroz gadan, sigurno ćeš povratiti zbog mene."
Tip: "Ne brini ništa."
I tako sedne gubavac pored njega. Posle nekog vremena tip se ispovraća po stolu.
Gubavac: "Eto, jesam ti rekao da će ti biti muka zbog mene!"
Tip: "Nije mi muka zbog tebe nego od tog tipa iza tebe što ti umače u leđa."
Kako policajac resava ukrstene reci:
1. Svecano odelo (4 slova)...................crno
2. Telefonski poziv (3 slova)..................zvr
3. Grad u Italiji (3 slova).......................trs
4. Vrsta zivotinje sa kucicom (3 slova).......pas
5. Nije gladan (3 slova)........................jeo
6. Vidi sliku (4 slova)...........................vido
7. Zenin brat (5 slova).........................Gojko
8. Vrsta metala (4 slova)......................pleh
9. Neophodan zacin (2 slova).................ce
10. Deo pribora za jelo (3 slova).............zub
11. Zensko dete (3 slova).....................ona
12. Najmanji trocifreni broj (3 slova).........000
13. Mera za tezinu (4 slova)..................uteg
14. Najzdravije pice (4 slova).................piva
15. Hladno oruzije (3 slova)...................top
16. Neizleciva bolest (4 slova)................smrt
17. Kokosiji proizvod (4 slova)................supa
18. Zajednica muskarca i zene (4 slova).. ..stan
19. Dragi kamen (4 slova).....................mili
20. Mera za dragocenosti (5 slova)..........novac
21. Sestrin muz (3 slova)......................Aca
22. Bibliska licnost (3 slova)...................pop
23. Morski greben (2 slova)...................mg
24. Inicijali pesnika Jesenjina .................pj
25. Zlato.........................................zl
26. Kiseonik......................................k
27. Pripadnik milicije (10 slova)................vucibatina
28. Hladno oruzje (7 slova)....................pendrek
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
