Article
- Šta bi želio da budeš kad porasteš?
- Čistač bazena.
- Čistač bazena? kako ti to pade na
pamet? Ima li nešto drugo da te
zanima? Neko zanimljivije zanimanje? - Hmmm, baštovan, vodoinstaler,
raznosač pica, Deda Mraz...
- Ženooo!! Mali našao porniće!
Vraćaju se cura i dečko iz diska,dečko
stane ispred njene zgrade, osloni se na
zid i stavi ruku na neku spravu.
-Ajd mi ga puši?
-Neću, vidjet će nas netko.
-Ma neće, ajd mi ga puši
-Ne mogu jbt, vidjet će nas.
-A daj, puši mi gaa
-Ne!
-A daj puši
Uto se pojavi mala seka:
"Reko ti je tata da mu ga pušiš, ili da mu ga ja pušim, ili da mama siđe dolje da
mu ga puši, samo neka makne ruku
interfona,ne možemo spavati!"
Uhvatila policija narkomana
i stavili ga u ćeliju s
gubavcem. Nakon par
dana otpadne gubavcu
noga i baci je kroz prozor.
Par dana kasnije otpadne
mu i druga, pa i nju baci
kroz prozor. Druga nedelja
otpadne mu i ruka, pa
gubavac baci i nju kroz
prozor. Gleda to narkoman
pa kaže: "Ludilo brale još
malo pa si napolju"
Decko:Volim te!
Devojka: I ja tebe!
Nakon operacije se budi, a uz nju samo
otac.
Devojka: Gde je on?
Otac: Zar ne znas ko ti je dao srce?
Devojka: Staaaaaaaaaa!?!? :'(((
Otac: Salim se, to sam pokupio sa fejsa,
otiso je u WC da kenja!
Sudija pita Muju:
- "Jesi li ti prije deset dana ukrao bačvu rakije?"
- "Jesam!"
- "Policija je kod tebe našla praznu bačvu. Gdje je rakija?"
- "Popio!"
- "Pa nisi valjda za deset dana popio cijelu bačvu rakije?"
- "I nisam, vala, popio sam pola."
- "A šta je sa drugom polovinom?"
- "Prod'o!"
- "A gdje su pare?"
- "Popio!"
Neka riba sedi na klupi u parku i jede sladoled. Prilazi joj tip:
- Ćao, mogu li te nešto pitati?
Ona:
- Naravno!
- Ali, ne znam baš… Znam da ćeš pogrešno shvatiti!
- Nee, pitaj!
- Smem li jednom liznuti?
Ona mu pruži svoj sladoled, a on će na to:
- Eto vidiš, pogrešno si shvatila…
Разговарају два пријатеља:
- Жена ми је синоћ рекла да могу да је вежем и да радим шта хоћу.
- И, шта си урадио?
- Везао је и отишао у кафану.
Na sudu odgovara zemunac.
Sudija:
- "...i kad ste već uzeli zlatan nakit, zašto niste uzeli i 5000\$ koji su bili u susednoj fioci?"
Zemunac:
- "Ajde bre sudija, nemoj sad i ti, dosta mi je što me ceo Zemun zajebava."
Počasti žena sebe faceliftingom za rođendan i bude sasvim zadovoljna rezultatom. Na putu doma zaustavi se u butiku, pa na izlazu upita prodavača:
- "Nadam se da Vas ne gnjavim, ali što mislite koliko godina imam?"
Prodavač odgovori:
- "35", a žena kaze:
- "Zapravo, imam 47", i sva zadovoljna izađe iz butika.
Skoči zatim do McDonaldsa i nakon što naruči jelo, upita čovjeka za kasom:
- "Nadam se da Vas ne gnjavim, ali što mislite koliko godina imam?"
Tip odgovori:
- "29". Žena kaže:
- "Zapravo, imam 47" i izađe sva sretna i zadovoljna.
Dok je na stanici čekala autobus, priupita jednog starca isto pitanje.
Starac će:
- "Ja imam 85 godina, pa moj vid nije kao što je nekad bio, a kad sam bio mlađi imao sam vatreni način za doznati Vaše godina, samo bi u tom slučaju morao zavući ruku u vaše gaće".
Kako nije bilo nikog uokolo, a znatiželja čini svoje, žena pristane. Stari zavuče ruku u njene gaće, nježno čeprka jedno 5 minuta, zatim izvadi ruku van pa reče:
- "47."
Žena uzviknu:
- "Pa to je nevjerojatno. Kako ste pogodili?!"
Stari odgovori:
- "Bio sam iza Vas u McDonaldsu."
Kupio Mujo dva konja ali ih nikako nije mogao razlikovati pa pozove Sulju da mu pomogne...
Gleda ih Suljo i kaze odseci rep jednom. Mujo to i napravi ali se konji uvece pobiju i ovaj drugi ostane bez repa.
Mujo ponovo pozove Sulju i pita za savet a Suljo kaze:
-Odseci jednom uho Mujo to i napravi ali opet uvece konji se pobiju i drugi konj ostane bez uha...
Gledaju sad Mujo i Suljo isprovocirani sta da urade kad odjednom kaze Suljo:
-Pa Mujo jarane ja ipak mislim da je ovaj bijeli malo veci od crnog...
Dolazi Hitler u logor i pita Hansa sta to smrdi, a Hans mu kaže :
- ma zapalili smo neke Jevreje.
Hitler :
- pu majku im, smrde bez obzira na agregatno stanje..
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
