Esim - 2.4没品笑话选
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这个世界对不胖的人太不公平了。
  我和老婆花同样的钱买同一款牛仔裤——她那条的布料可是我的三倍啊!
——kakheadman

☆ 妻子指责我对两个孩子态度不同、搞区别对待,我震惊地问:“我对谁不好了?小詹姆斯,还是女的那个?”
——7billion



妻子看着我充血发红的双眼,大骂我昨晚一定是偷偷溜出去抽大麻烟了。
  我边听边点头表示赞同……总比告诉她,“现在的姑娘们出门都带辣椒水了”要好。
——CallmeDeano


我的兄弟为他自己的成功所困:
  他的奖品陈列架塌下来把他给压着了。
——TheRizzler(小修改)


☆ 我妻子总会不小心撞到各种东西而受伤。
  比如昨天,她就在卧室撞到我在艹她妹。
——CallMeSir


昨晚外出,我横下一条心:是洞就能捅!
  结果是一名性感的护士握着我的JJ……
  好把卡在上面的番茄酱瓶子拿下来……
——sneakynuts(小修改)






今早我心口痛,妻子打电话请医生上门来。
  他说:“你真得少抽点烟……”
  “我最近还真得很节制了啊。”
  “那你现在抽多少根呢?”
  “只有三根啊。”
  “这我看见了,我是说,你现在每天抽几根?”
——mg1


波霸乔丹将为慈善在泰晤士河游泳。
  记者问:“你就不担心可能会得很多病么?”
  “担心呐,不过,为了慈善嘛,对不?”泰晤士河回答。
——VYCENESS3


当年演小鬼当家出名的童星麦考利如今面容憔悴,他说他的健康问题主要和艰辛的童年经历有关。
  那是啊,他爹妈出去旅游两次都没带他!
——Debbie McGhee


我拿着一双四号鞋在一个穿着短裙的性感金发美女面前蹲下,还是没忍住瞄了她裙下一眼。
  “嘻嘻你可真坏呀!”她笑着轻轻踢了我一脚,“我打赌你在这儿工作唯一的理由就是为了看女孩子内裤吧?”
  “女士,您这一指控真是完全没有事实根据,”我严辞回答,“我他妈才不在这儿工作呢!”
——Fuckdat


在酒吧里和一姑娘提到我有一项很神奇的技能:通过摸女人胸部,能猜出对方是哪一天出生的。
  “真的?”她好奇地说,“那……试试。”
  大约30秒后她开始不耐烦了:“快说呀,我是哪天生的?”
  “那个,昨天?”我回答。
——WTD


我穿上三双袜子、六件毛衣、六条裤子、五顶绒帽、四条围巾、两件厚厚的大衣和靴子,摇摇晃晃地走出门去。
  十秒钟后我脸朝下倒在雪地里一动也不能动。
  “你,跟我过来。”超市保安对我说。
——mg1

=====================================
☆ 刚拉完屎才发现,厕所里没纸了。
  我正在纠结该怎么办,我养的猫咪若无其事地逛进了卫生间,我把它抱起来,然后做了一件或许不该做的事……
  于是现在我被困在这里,厕所没有纸,菊花还没擦,而JB上则沾满了猫屎……
——Biscuit777






我失去贞操的那一刻,和上学的第一天一模一样:我爹在我身后叫我不要再哭,他和我妹妹在玩,而我妈则在旁边用摄影机拍下全程……
——Smarkham88




附近一家健身馆现在有个促销:买个人教练的一对一培训,送蛋白质饮料。
  哼我可不会再上当了……
——jamesdonlan

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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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