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背景：本人154CM。自认为长的丑，没啥自信-----第一次割----凤姐第一次在媒体露面的时候，刚好被老爸看到，那时本人还在上大学，老爸打电话兴奋的说：闺女，快看电视，有个女的比你难看多了，还没你高，人家都那么有自信，还要找清华北大的高材生，你也可以的。
昨天买了几个柿子和一把香蕉，装在一个袋子里 回到寝室，发现柿子被挤烂了，于是我提着香蕉去水房冲洗。妹子正在洗衣服，她打量了我一会儿，说：“都出血啦！”
单亲家庭，从小只有爸爸。所以只要问起自己是怎么来的，爸爸都会淡淡的说：“墙上长出来的……”墙上长出来的……
昨天跟一个女同学打电话，
然后听到我在看电视，
她就随口问了一句：你在看什么呢
我说：你是我爱人。
然后、、她说:现在才知道啊。？早些干什么去了。！
再然后、、 木有然后
第一则
我们学校有门课叫中国佛教史，老师第一节课上来就说：同学们，我们这节课平时不考勤，没有期中考试，大家期末交一篇论文就可以了。对大家只有一个要求，这个论文呢，要是成绩高，是前世姻缘修得好，成绩不行是前世姻缘修得不好，无论如何和今世没有任何关系，所以千万不要来找我调分……
第二则
据说这门课以前是开卷考试，有一哥们卷子发下来了一个字没填直接交回去了。结果——4.0满分。问之，答曰：四大皆空。第二年这哥们的室友选这课，也交了白卷。但交完心里非常忐忑，怕出什么岔子，于是特地打电话给老师说老师啊，我这是四大皆空，然后听到电话那头老师长叹了一口气说：本来都给了你满分了，看来你还是没看透啊……然后就没有然后了……
一句话爪机党不割！刚才背着女友去相亲，结果她妈带着她表妹来的！
今天在马路边，走过来一女孩，大学生的样子。好像要问路，上来就叫：叔叔。。。 擦， 老子三十还没有呢，那里像大叔？于是我双手一抱拳：嫂嫂，什么事？
大家有没有听过一句骂人的话叫做“你爸上梁山”
给老爸打电话，说回家的车票难卖。老爸说：“谁让你回家的？没必要。”
什么？啥……啥……难道你们不想我？
老爸说：“多年来，铁道部就一直通过小学中学大学等教育机构，通过报纸网络电视广播等一切可用的媒体，用亲情作幌子，给你们洗脑，由此掀起了经久不衰的“春运”，给他们带去了滚滚财源。“
老妈接过电话也说：“孩子，不是我们不想你，但你不要在春运时回家，其它时候能回就回，不能回就别回，别上铁道部的当啊。”
奶奶也夺过电话对我说：“知道和尚们怎么说的吗？酒肉穿肠过，我佛心中留，只要你心中有家，身不在家，又算得了啥呢？”
同事的事
...................哥哥很健康.................
1、同事们一起打牌，玩斗地主，地主的上一家出的牌让地主很难受，做“地主”的那个同事做痛苦状，这时一在旁边观战良久不语的同事爆了一句：“杨白劳，看你把黄世仁逼的！”
2、同事甲跟同事乙（女）在聊天。
甲：“你小孩子多大了？”
乙：“2岁啊。”
甲：“哦，前年出生的/”
乙：“对啊，前年出生的。”
甲：“那你是去年结婚的吧。”
乙：“.......”
说个小表弟的，小表弟还是一岁小正太的时候，穿的开裆裤…我家一小狗崽，小正太很喜欢和小狗玩……………混割线………一次，小正太把小狗抱着玩，可能小狗不舒服，就咬了他一口，关键是小狗被倒着抱的啊…刚好咬到小jj啊…从那以后，小正太再不玩狗了，见都狗先按住自己的小jj啊…
考了这么多年试，最让考的欢乐的就是操作系统，老师在讲台前笑眯眯的说:“都自己写，别做小抄，谁要是做小抄被我抓到，我就直接给你60分！”我当时就有一种冲动，真想把小抄往桌子上一丢，大喝一声“我做小抄了，给我60分吧！”
话说有一天我心上人和她一好姐妹（小文艺青年）（俩路痴）俩人去江汉路玩，之后去江滩坐了一会，然后就发生了如下对话。文艺青年：你说江对面是汉口还是武昌？她很意正言辞：汉口。文艺青年：为什么啊？她：二不二，那不是写着嘛，汉口银行。文艺青年：哦。
你们俩是有多二啊
我以前是齐刘海，再以前是分的…………计算机考试割个人品………………当年在高三老师威胁下，被逼剪头发，理发师问我：你剪齐的吧，你剪齐的可爱，好不？人家都说可爱了，我就问齐的是什么样子的呀？他咔嚓一剪子下去，“就是这样的”O_o啥？！这就剪了？！擦！被说了一年好二啊。我从此发誓再也不去那里剪了，最近头发才长出来够分开π_π
我们数学老师讲立体几何，设点，他说“这个点设成G吧”我们班猥琐的人都笑了
一句话不割！我和前女友分了后，关系还好，一直联系，现在的女友也不反对吃醋什么的，今天中午我知道原因了，到女友宿舍去找她，看见了两个白花花的……前女友和现女友
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
