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走时他特意叮嘱我下班要遛狗，还说身上要带些零钱
昨天帮他遛狗，累了我坐在台阶上休息，小泰迪很欢腾
于是我把狗绳解开，让它自己玩去，应该不会跑远
十多分钟后，这死狗屁颠屁颠跑回来，嘴里叼了一只鸡
跑到我面前往我脚下一扔,然后蹲在地方摇着尾巴
这贱狗还得意洋洋的看着我一副邀赏的样子
我正震惊中，狗后面跟过来四五十岁的大叔拿着棍子
我下意思的明白朋友为什么让我带钱在身上，为了随时赔钱啊
那大叔看到摇着尾巴面对着我邀赏的泰迪，以及地上的死鸡
怔了怔，喝道：吆喝，你这打猎呢！！！
老爸喜欢吃面条，一天老妈煮好面，叫老爸去捞面，老爸捞完跟我说 ，锅里还有两根，你去捞了吃吧。我心想，估计也不是很多，吃吧，我屁颠屁颠的跑过去，娘啊，锅里真的是两根。老爸你是有多诚实啊，，，
今天看一个学医同学人人状态……最近抢救病人真失败，没活的…哎。
外甥女快三岁了………下午我在看电视，小外甥女兴高采烈的跑到我身边看着我…“舅舅，快看…”我正纳闷会让我看什么只见小不点把衣服缕到胸口那“舅舅快看快看我mm，你吃不吃…”…我瞬间石化。
一天公司聚会，我端着一杯白酒敬领导（女领导）领导刚好喝的是红酒，她说了一句，我这红带！我脱口就说了一句：我这白带！当场那桌全是女性呀！想找个地缝钻下去，有木有
前段时间表妹从医院出来。据说是鼻子做了手术，具体不详，然后她来我家玩。
我就问她鼻子怎么回事。
她说：“鼻子歪了，只有一个鼻孔出气。”
“什么时候歪的？”
“从小就是这样的”表妹夹口菜，满不在乎的说。
“从小就这样怎么没有发现，现在才去做手术。”我大吃一惊，表妹今年也有18岁了。
GC是，表妹幽幽的说：“我以为所有人都和我一样是一个鼻孔出气的！”
一桌子人全体石化三秒，然后爆笑，我50岁的爸硬是喷饭了！说这是他听过最搞笑的事情。
有一次去找病人家属签字，家属问签什么，答签你名字。做完手术一翻病历，真的是写“你名字”啊。大哥，不带这么玩人的，要是被医务科看到了，不知道怎么扣钱啊？
还有一次也是签字，签完名字，我叫病人家属后面注明关系，这货华丽丽的写下“爸儿关系”，当场憋出内伤。
3.另有一事，听别人说的，一女仔宫外孕大出血到医院抢救，医生要找家属签字，随行的男的果断签字，签完字照例要求写上关系，男的问不写可以吗？答曰不行，于是乎，男的很不情愿的写上“情人关系”，问你不是他老公？男子答她肚子里的孩子是我的，她老公不在家，我擦这是神马情况啊？
本人男，新疆的。大一寒假毕业回家在驾校学车，新疆的爷们大多比较彪悍。此为背景---哥哥，我要槑槑---话说教练又一次让我们自己练习换挡，每个人轮流上车开，一人开一圈，我们四个人一起上车，老式桑塔纳。大家都知道刚学车的时候大家换挡都不是很熟悉，不是离合踩不到底就是转速不够，档进不去，有一个哥们就是因为紧张，离合没有踩到底，档挂不进去，但是又着急，就在我们给他说怎么操作的时候，只听一声惊天地泣鬼神的声音，那货把变速杆给掰下来了，当时所有人都傻了，各种集体跳车（车速不快，新手，也开不快），最后的结果是，四个人毫发无损，桑塔纳成了平头。回头教练过来了后，肇事者（掰下变速杆的那位）默默的把变速杆交给了教练。文笔不好请见谅，绝对真人真事
本人男,宿舍有一哥们长年不洗澡，一个学期一次或以下，四季风雨不误。
正文:
今天和我关系特铁属于无话不谈的女性朋友问我:“你们男生都打手枪吗?都什么时候打?”
于是我各种尴尬不知道怎么说好就想岔开话题，这时该女凑到我耳边神秘兮兮小声地说:“那你们宿舍XXX(我哥们)不得撸出灰啊……”
我们寝室的人都玩魔兽世界，里面史诗级（比较NB）装备的名字是紫色的，所以我们总说我拿到紫色头盔了，我拿到紫鞋了等等----------格叽格叽--------------我寝室一哥们职业是猎人一直没有一把好的弓，有一天他去打副本，出了一把史诗级长弓，就听他仰天长啸：“我有紫弓啦！”紫弓。。。仔宫。。。宫。。。全寝室笑翻
收到一张假钱，不知道哪收来的。回家后越想越火，点火烧了吧……烧完发现烧的是真钱……
话说还是读高中那会，学校有校篮球队，都是特招的那些东北大汉，1米9,2米的。平时楼主也比较喜欢打球，故和他们混的比较熟。。我咯咯咯咯咯咯咯。。。。。。。。
一天，楼主和他们一起在广场篮球场打球，楼主打累了就一个人坐外面台阶上休息。这时来两个小混混，看样子就流里流气，过来围着楼主，是的，猜对了，坑爹的竟然敲诈！！！当时就想笑。然后我那几个哥们看好像不对，哗的都过来了，话说6,7个1米9左右的大汉把他俩围着了。。。
后来。。。我们喝着可乐，用着他们俩的钱。。是的，反敲诈了。。。。
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
