Article
Kako prepoznati papučara sa sela?
Ostavlja više šljiva za džem nego za rakiju.
Vratio se Mujo iz Afrike sa safarija i pita ga Suljo sta je ubio. Kaze Mujo:- Ubio sam tri lava , dva leoparda , jednog slona i deset nopliza. - Bolan Mujo sta ti je to nopliz, pita ga suljo. - Pa to ti je malo crno i vice:- No pliz, no pliz.
Lovili Srbin i Šiptar ribu, pa ulovili samo jednu. Dogovaraju se kako da je podele, pa će Srbin:
- Ajde da karamo jedan drugog, pa ko duže izdrži dobije celu ribu.
Pristane Šiptar, namesti guzicu, a Srbin raspali, pa do zore. Znoji se Šiptar, boli šupak, ali neće da ispadne slabiji od Srbina, nego trpi. U zoru, Srbin više ne može, pa ga izvadi, a Šiptar, sav srećan kaže:
- Ajd sad, da vidimo koliko ti možeš!
A Srbin će:
- Ma evo ti riba, koji će mi kurac!
Путују два педера авионом и каже један другом:
-Ајд' да се креснемо
-Јеси луд видеће нас неко
-Ево сад ћу ја да видим дал' су сви заспали
И поче да виче и да тражи воде не били се неко одазвао...
-Водееее! Водееее... !!!
После неколико минута нико се не одазива и каже овај:
Ето видиш сви су заспали и обављаше они тако послић целу ноћ...
Кад ујутру зачу се глас једног изнемоглог старца који викаше:
Водееееее, водеееее !!!
Стјуардеса му донесе брзо воду и рече:
-Па човече шта сте до сад чекали, видите колико сте убледели, што не тражисте воду ноћас?
-Јој ћери... Тражио би ја него један ноћас исто тако тражио па га јебаше целу ноћ.
Svađaju se muž i žena, muž onako besan kaže:
-Eh, da mi je tvoja glava da se malo odmorim!
A žena će:
-E, vala' bi se ku..a napušio..
Svadba u juznu Srbiju:
- Zamoljavaju se gosti da si sednu, devojke oće kite.
- Moli se mlada da ne srče supu, smeta na ozvučenju.
- Mole se deca da se ne igraju lastiša s' kablovi od muzike,'fala.
- Moli se mlada da siđe sa astala, jerbo trunjavi supu.
- Zete,nemo' da ješ' govna, a vi gosti izvol'te.
- Mole se gosti da ne bacaju kosti po podu, izaći će torta na kolicima.
- Zamoljavaju se gosti da
ne bacaju bombe, iskače sarma iz tanjiri.
- Mole se gosti da ne pipaju pevaljku s' masni prsti.
- Mole se pijani gosti, da ne pišau po instalacije, da ne pogorimo ki paučina
- Mole se gosti iz ćoška šatre da se ne vesele uz pesmu koju sam ja naručio.
- Mole se gosti što dođoše s beloga juga registarske table LE 312 ŠA da ga preparkiru, treba da uleti ladnjača s torte.
- I mole se gosti da ne unesuju oružije pod šator, mladoženju zovu fazan.
Jedan dan na vrata ugledne gospođe neko zazvoni i ona otvori vrata. Ispred vrata je stajao uglađeni gospodin, koji reče: -"Dobro jutro." -"Dobro jutro." - odgovori gospođa. -"Imate li vi pi*ku?" Gospođa mu uvređeno zalupi vrata pred nosom. Sutra, u isto vreme, potpuno ista slika. Kad se gospođin muž vratio s posla tog dana, ona mu ispriča šta joj se dešavalo prethodna 2 dana. -"Ne uznemiravaj se, sutra neću ići na posao, sakriću se iza vrata, pa ako ponovo dođe da pita imaš li pi*ku, ti kaži da imaš, a ako nešto pokuša ja ću se pojaviti." I tako bi. Ponovo u isto vreme neko zazvoni na vrata. Gospođa otvori, a onaj isti gospodin ponovo mirno upita: -"Imate li vi pi*ku?" -"Imam." - reče gospođa. -"E, onda je dajte onom svom majmunu, da ne je*e više moju ženu na poslu!"
Dodje ciga i kaze ciganki:
Je li Mileva sta mi je ovo crno ispod nokta?
-pa ne znam cigo jebes mu mater
-pa ne znam da li je zemlja ili govno?
-ma odakle znam cigo
-de pomirisi..Sad pomirise Mileva i kaze:
-pu jebem ti cigo pa to ti je govno
-Pa i ja se pitam otkud meni zemlja u guzici!
Muva deda babu da se uda za njega a baba pita: "Sta imas ti od pokretne i nepokretne imovine"? A deda odgovara: "Od pokretne, vilicu. A od nepokretne, kurac"
Za sada toliko,ako vam se svidi,bice jos
Next article:
Vicoteka 2 deo :) (13 years ago)
About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
