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儿子问爸爸：爸爸，为什么那些官员老是拆了又建，建了又拆。。爸爸：儿子你去把冰箱那块肉拿出来，然后又放回去。。。儿子照做了，。爸爸：儿子，你现在懂了没。。儿子：爸爸，我不懂。。 爸爸：看来你真不是当官的料。。肉还是那块肉，可你手上可有油水？
1.一丑女同事在办公室说整容的事。另一奇葩男说你去整容两块钱就够了。丑女不解。奇葩男说一块钱坐公交车去整形医院，大夫看了摇摇头说整不了，你再花一块钱坐公交回来。。。。奇葩男卒，享年32。。。。
2. 高中的时候，同桌在班主任的课上睡觉。老班说：“王春光，第14题的答案是什么？”我在旁边小声说选C，选C！同桌微微一笑，清了一下嗓子，略做沉思状说：“应该选C吧！”班主任上去吐沫星子喷了他一脸“他妈的14题是个填空！”
3. 小时候堂哥总打我，那天看他钓鱼就轻轻走到他背后想把他推下水，结果他落水的那一刻反手一抓把我也抓下去了，堂哥把我拽上来说：“我不打你，我饿了，回家给我拿两番薯过来！”我就屁颠屁颠跑回去给烤了两个……堂哥吃抹下嘴说现在有力气了，于是抓着我的脚头朝下就在水里涮…涮羊肉知道不，对，就那样，在水里涮了一遍又一遍...
4. 新来实习的男客服是我朋友的表弟，我跟他说跟顾客说话结尾加个“哦”“呢”“哈”之类的会显得语气柔和一点。结果我刚检查对话，发现了这样的回答“当然不能包邮了，您在想什么呢？”“抹零？没门哈！”“您要买200内的雅诗兰黛全套正装？您太搞笑了哦！”顾客全气跑了！我的心也是好累。。。
5. 今天考小侄女数学题。问她：十减九等于多少？小侄女掰扯半天没算出来。我就换了个问法。十杯饮料你喝了九杯还剩几杯？小侄女嗷一嗓子就哭了，边哭边喊：就剩一杯了....
6. 你们吃过最贵的一餐是多少钱？今天同事在办公室泡方便面，加好水，没东西压盖，用手机压着，他去洗手间。半分钟后手机来电振动，等他出来，亲眼看见手机振到泡面里了。可惜了这么好的6！
7. 一哥们15岁出门，农民工，现在24岁自己包工地3年多，资产200多万。白手起家。。MLGB，那一张嘴哟，叫一个厉害！硬是把他中学老师说出来给他做小工了。。人才啊！！
8. 我们初中化学老师是个极品，那时候他打人就在胸口，然后我们班有个女生长的特别爷们，那女生犯错了，化学老师就朝胸口一霸王拳，我们全班都惊呆了，那老师也蒙圈了，默默问那女生，你是女的？女生点点头，我们全班瞬间笑喷了...
9. 一胖子向医生求助：“我每天每餐只吃一碗饭，为什么还那么胖？”医生：“你都吃些什么？”胖子：“米饭，百分之十的荤菜加百分之九十的素菜。”医生：“口味以什么为主？” 胖子：“清淡。”医生：“那你是用什么吃饭的？”胖子：“脸盆。”医生：“滚！
10. 开学那天，做自我介绍，经常看段子的我，因为太紧张说道：“我这个人不太会说话，有什么说的不对的地方，你他妈来打我啊！”全班沸腾了……
11.在路边称饼干，实在太香了，忍不住就一边装一边吃，老板看见了说:靓仔，小本生意。我：我吃的是我袋子里面的。老板：噢！我：好了，老板，称一下。
1. 我刚开车去包装厂谈事情，路上看到一个车队，都是我这个车型，好像4S店做广告还是干啥，打着双闪游街。我一琢磨就打开双闪加入到车队里去了。我前天刚洗的车，加入进去根本看不出来。完了我跟着走了一段，慢慢地超车，终于成了头车。现在他们跟着我到了包装厂，看着我停车开门走了，他们好像有点不知所措。
2. 路上开车，一交警给我做了个停车的手势。停好车后，他说我刚刚违规了，要罚款。我仔细回忆了下刚才开车时的情景，既没有超速，也没有占道，完全没有任何违规行为，于是我鼓起勇气问他我哪违规了，他开着罚单淡淡地说：“这条道路不许停车。”“。。。”
3. 老公又喝多了，连闹带作。夜里，我迷迷糊糊的听见厕所里喊救命！我过去一瞧，这二货居然一屁股卡马桶里，出不来了！看他那屎样！我忍不住直接按了下冲水...
4. 小明：“老师，请问这道题怎么做啊？”老师：“你上课睡觉，下课反倒还认真起来找我问题，知不知道你这是本末倒置了？”小明：“那…我以后上课认真听讲，下课来找你睡觉？”老师：“滚出去！！”
5. 去一家外企面试，对方要求我朗读一篇英文稿，好歹我也是重点大学的毕业生，轻轻松松就把每个字母读了出来，对方在震惊之余把我赶了出去，我明白，这是嫉妒！
6. 当初，为了毕业去向这事，我的父母产生了不小的分歧，我爸建议我去清华，我妈希望我去北大。后来打听了一下，这两家大学的门卫都招满了，我只好在自家的小区当了保安。
7. 我有一个同学，双硕士学位，心思缜密。前不久他去世界五百强企业面试， 竞争极其激烈，他惨遭淘汰。 面试完毕临走之前，他捡起来了地上的碎纸屑。 这一幕竟然恰巧被ＣＥＯ看在眼里。第二天，他就得到了录取通知书， 成为了该企业的一名正式清洁工，月薪近２５００！ 税后！所以说，细节！决定成败！
8. 私人恩怨！和发小约好了，今早在公园干架，跟我PK，6：30决战假山之巅。早到的我跟公园管理员弟弟说，7点再开门，果然发小失约了，等着身败名裂吧。这年头，没关系没后台，拿什么混江湖，哼！
9. 刚才坐公交没零钱，于是在旁边小商店买了个香肠一块钱，给了一张一百的，老板一看哎呦了一下，正要说啥……机智的我赶紧把香肠咬了一口！老板无奈地叹了一口气，开始找钱。
10. 老师:“小明，上学是不能谈恋爱的，你知道吗？”小明:“难道让我跟你学？活该打三十年的光棍”老师:“这次我出去吧…”
11. 记得每次没钱的时候总是第一时间想到老妈，每次都是告诉我要注意别乱花钱，每次都是准时的到账。现在有媳妇了，都是老妈拿钱换来的啊，要不是老妈，哪来的媳妇。老妈万岁！
12. 时至今日，我才慢慢明白，原来那些不管你说什么，他都回答：“随便啊！”的人，他们其实才是真正的赢家，比如你问去哪里吃饭，他答随便啊！你又问这样做行吗，他答随便啊！你再问喜欢这个吗？他答随便啊，仿佛随便啊3个字就在说：“朕已经知道了，但朕就是懒得想，爱卿有什么想法先自己呈上来吧。”
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
