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记得之前香妃更新过一些啊,我这次就从最新的2期开始啦~
不知道她是不是假期回家没有网啦,感觉最近都没见着~
至于我自己。。。但愿以后的更新会稳定。。。吧
================================================
舒马赫滑雪失事后才不到一个星期,德国总理默克尔也在滑雪时摔伤。
  虽然迟了有75年,但瑞士终于肯加入到我们这一战线来了吗!
——StealsJokesForFacebook
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我家的狗乐坏了。
  圣诞节我送了他一条充气人腿。
——stallion sd
-----------------------
我跟哥们儿穆罕默德聊天,问他这辈子最怕什么事儿。
  他说:“种族清洗。”
  “天呢穆罕默德,这种事根本不会发生的好吗!”我说,“再者说了,不也就搓点肥皂冲点水么。”
——Reject Dog
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受洪水影响,伯明翰1500名巴基斯坦人被迫从家中疏散。
  当地一名有钱的好心人为他们所有人提供了临时住所。
  不过他强调说,晚上10点这辆丰田卡罗拉他要用的,到时要还给他一下。
——mredd
//移民挤车是优良传统
-----------------------
“瘦身大厨网站,为您烹制健康的一日三餐与点心,每天送到您家门。”
  哎,就承认吧,如果你懒到连自己走路去买菜也不肯的话,减肥什么的还是别提了。
——ThatGiggy
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每次听到有人抱怨说外籍劳工抢了他们的工作,我就觉得很好笑。
  是啊,竞争如此激烈,真是要祝你早日找到摘水果、清洁工、妓女等等你的理想职业了。
——johnny midnight
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这是我第一天在停尸房上班,对于马上就要人生第一次见到尸体,我十分地不安。
  “千万别撞上个恶心的……”我默默祈祷。
  终于,尸体来了。
  臭味简直无法忍受。
  我差点呕了出来。
  “妈了个逼的,”我问同事,“这人死了多久了?!”
  “呐,这位是阿赫迈德先生,十分钟前刚刚去世。”
——gaybarslut
-----------------------
洪灾影响区域蒂克斯伯里售房:
  四床位。
  两浴室。
  附近地区宽敞,可泊30条船。
——mredd
-----------------------
我看着一个女司机想要停车却怎么也停不好,笑了好久,这时我突然意识到自己的行为实在太不顾及他人了。于是我立马打了电话让哥们儿几个一起来看——大家开心才是真的开心啊。
——Did
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看到一张苏格兰独立的传单,上面写着:“有没有想过苏格兰的财富都到哪儿去了?”
  额,酒吧的柜台里?
——8 ace
-----------------------
在夜店亲了一个妹子,她说:“天啦!你抽烟的是吧,呃,简直跟舔了个烟灰缸一样!”
  我回答说:“你们这些不抽烟的人,平时的习惯还真他妈奇怪啊。”
——stallion sd
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看到德国人民如此团结地支持着舒马赫,真是让人不由为之动容。
  他们上一次这样一致拥护一个人,还是1933年的事呢。
——LordMandleson
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刚拿出一条2001年参加一场婚礼时穿的裤子,十几年来第一次穿上,结果一摸裤袋,找到了一部诺基亚3210手机。
  还有两格电。
——lyndon73
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想要抓住男人的注意力,只要谈论咪咪就可以了。
  想要抓住女人的注意力,谈论别的女人的咪咪。
——poltroon
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我向丧事承办人咨询:“请问,给我妻子下葬需要额外收费吗?”
  他不解:“怎么?您是说她体型比较庞大?”
  “不。是还活着。”
——stash
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去年,所有手机运营商中,要数T-Mobile的客服部门收到的投诉最少。
  大概是因为根本没人能有信号去拨打投诉电话吧。
——2ShinyBalls
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车速60迈,仪表盘上我的手机嗡嗡地振动起来。
  “你手机响啦。”妻子说。
  “只是短信啦,”我说,“等下到了我会看的。”
  她似乎有点怀疑地把手机拿起来看了看,按了下屏幕然后读了起来:“我就知道。”她哼了一声,“又是你那好哥们儿Dave发给你一条什么女司机吓死人的段子。”
  “你他妈倒是看路啊!”我忍不住大呼,“刚闯过去一个红灯好吗!!”
——scotty528
-----------------------
妻子愤怒地摔门而出,冲我大喊:“你这辈子也找不到和我一样的人了!!”
  “怎么会找不到!”我说,“天涯何处无芳草,海里有的是鲸鱼啊!”
——Reject Dog
//英语谚语“There is plenty more fish in the sea.”“海里有的是鱼。”
-----------------------
虽然冬奥会方面我不是专家,但我觉得滑雪这个项目,不要看好德国选手比较好。
——Nicholas Kay
-----------------------
竟然曾经有人认为地球是平的。
  那也太蠢了吧?明明又有山又有沟的。
——8 ace
-----------------------
Scientist - My findings are pointless when taken out of context.
  科学家——如果脱离了上下文,我的研究成果将毫无意义。
  Media - Scientist claims "findings are pointless"
  媒体——科学家称“研究成果将毫无意义”
——Connor2792
-----------------------
妻子说她无法忍受我对于电视剧的痴迷。
  但是她是否真的会离开我呢……
  ……请期待下周的精彩展开!
——SlutsRUs
-----------------------
老婆下班回家,问我一整天呆在家里都做了些什么,我回答说都在搞清洁。
  总好过告诉她一整天我都在想方设法用尿尿把马桶里粘着的屎迹尿下去……
——Rocket11
-----------------------
从一位数学家那里买了一盆盆栽。
  根是立方的。
——RobbieM
(当然,英文原文是平方根——square root)
-----------------------
我在酒吧,默默地独自喝着酒,一个朋友上前来和我搭话:“你妻子的葬礼……还好吗?”
  “……糟……”
  他关切地问:“啊啊,这么糟糕吗?”
  “不,我是把这事儿给忘了……”
——stash
-----------------------
我们的女儿是领养的,今天她放学回家时,老婆还在外面买菜,我问她:“今天过得怎么样呀?”
  “我们今天上性教育课啦,不过纯粹是浪费时间,需要的知识妈咪都已经全都教过我了~”
  我一听,心想这机会太难得了,当即说:“哎,妈咪都教了你些什么呀,让我看看怎么样?”
  她说:“还是以后再说吧好吗我头有点痛。”
——mredd
-----------------------
基督教这个宗教,最讲的就是宽恕。
  你要是不信啊,就掉火坑里去永永远远地烧着吧。
——Milo
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一个智商堪忧的朋友跟我说他昨晚抢了一家店。
  “你都抢了些什么呀?”我好奇。
  “26张照片……”他脸上露出胜利的微笑,拿出照片来给我看,“但是每一张都价值连城!最便宜的那张也有18万英镑啊!”
  “你……你抢的是家房产中介……”
——SilverSprint


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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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