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对面院子养了一条大黄毛，特别凶，今天我正好 心情不好，它还对着我猛叫，心想今天算它倒 霉，冲着它凶神恶煞的走了过去，等我走到它身 边，这货直接摆了个四脚朝天的姿势在蹭我 脚……感情这是叫我过来陪它玩啊……
楼主男，坐地铁人多很挤，手不小心碰到一个大 汉的手，条件反射要收回，竟被牵住了，牵住 了！
正准备刷牙，宿舍的人迷糊的说了一声，这么早 洗头啊，我说嗯，然后就把牙膏挤出来往头发上 抹 （这个绝对有用，经典！）
老师：小明，你在唧唧歪歪的就给我滚出去！ 小明汗颜，立马用右手往裤裆里扶了扶。 小明：老师，扶正了。 老师：滚出去。。。
1. 有一哥们跟我讲的：他是通过关系弄到的公务员工作，他们部门同时招了好几个人，大家问他是怎么来的，他怕被孤立，说是考的，后来他就被孤立了。。。
2. 甲：为什么现在人妖越来越多？ 乙：国家与国家之间靠的是大炮，男人与男人之间靠的是钞票，男人与女人之间靠的是睡觉，女人与女人之间靠的是比较。哎，人妖才是王道啊………
3. 刚收到一条短信，说我被非常6+1节目组抽中为幸运观众，得了二等奖。当时我差点感动哭了。现在火的节目这么多，竟然还有人坚持用非常6+1骗钱，这不是品牌忠诚度是什么？
4. 一住宅楼共11层，为了防范小偷都装上了护栏，只有楼顶的没装，以为小偷爬不了那么高。结果当天晚上装护栏的门户都被偷了，顶楼的没被偷，不过小偷留下一纸条，上面写着：你相信我，我相信你！
5. 朋友打电话问我要不要狗，准备把养了多年的爱犬送人。我说好好的狗怎么就不要了？朋友说：儿子快两岁了，现在不仅每天学狗狗趴在地上撕报纸，而且吃饭的时候不把饭扔到天上，他是绝对不会跳起来吃的。
6. 邻居家很有钱，他跟我是同学，典型的高富帅，暑假我们都去练肌肉，他在高档的健身房花18888办了个高级会员，单人休息间、自助餐、泳池。我到工地搬砖，两个月后我们都练了一身肌肉，他花了两万多，我赚了六千多。。。。
7. 假期结束，电梯人多。下楼时，在21楼，一哥们放一臭屁，满电梯人都臭坏了，纷纷按楼层逃离。有一美女，比较靠里边，终于在15楼跑出，出气大喘说：这哪是屁啊，勾点淀粉，简直就是屎啊！
8. “大师，为什么现在都凌晨三点钟我还睡不着觉呢？”只见大师向门外指去！“大师，你的意思是让我的心像黑夜一样宁静，心如止水就能睡着了吗？”“我他妈是让你滚，大半夜还让不让人睡觉了啊？”
9. 专家讲授如何辨别真正的成功人士: 1、不给别人发名片；2、自己不开车；3、衣服没logo；4、住的是小独院；5、每天有时间午睡；6、经常在郊区户外活动；7、包里现金很少；8、可以生两个以上孩子。旁边一位扫地的农民大妈兴奋地打断他：“这种人，我们村全是！”
10. 男人只要掌握两句话，就可以答复女人的任何诉求。“你能不能现实一点？”“你能不能不要这么现实？”
11. “我能问最后一个问题吗？”“爱过。不后悔。中国山东找蓝翔。刚才那巴掌对脸的作用力32.2牛。你心里阴影部分的面积3.6平方厘米。从这里跳下去只需2.7秒。摔死的概率92.4%，残疾的概率7.58%，安然无恙的奇迹解包括且不限于：下面有人给你垫背、一阵大风把你刮走了。还有什么要问？没有了吧，再见。”
一妹纸站在楼顶想要跳楼轻生，楼下众人都劝不住，一乞丐正好路过，对着楼上大喊，哎，既然你决定要死，就可怜可怜我，让我爽一下怎么样？
妹纸大喊：滚，流氓！
乞丐又喊，那算了，等你下来了，我再爽吧...
结果，妹纸吓得赶紧从楼顶缩了回去
深藏功与名，乞丐走开了...
说一下胸大的烦恼 1：跑步的时候一抖一抖不说左边奶子打右边奶子这感觉。。真疼 2：平常穿衣服真的很挑 明明衣服正好 套进去的时候偏偏卡在高峰上面 心塞 3：明明就是天生偏偏会被一些人误认为被摸大的给人印象不好 4：下楼梯因为胸大看不见台阶容易摔倒 5：买胸罩真的很难买啊经常会被导购说这个内衣没号了 6：睡觉只能平躺 侧躺和趴着睡姿势太憋人了 7：因为胸大我哭了好几个日日夜夜 ！！
好可怕，刚刚一个女的在路上拒绝一个男的喊到你个死穷鬼一辈子别想和我在一起，那男的苦笑到你还是为了钱，上了一部阿斯顿马丁。然后那女的呆在雨里，现场掌声不息！
三个男孩同时追一个女孩，女孩说，你们游遍全世界回来，我再选择。第一个男孩去了欧洲、美洲、非洲，第二个男孩去了澳洲，第三个男孩回到女孩身边，绕着女孩走了一圈说：你就是我的全世界。女孩非常感动，留着泪，选择了他们之中最有钱的那个。
“为什么憨豆先生是个博士却演了个傻子”，“你干嘛不说为什么金秀贤是个S…却演了个教授呢？
都说蹦极很刺激，今天就和女朋友一起去蹦极。没想到女友到了高台又反悔不想跳了。我生气了:“钱都花了，怎么能不跳呢”。说完就一把把 她推了下去，然后我看了看旁边指导员手里的绳子，问:“这是干什么用的”？？？
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
