Article
英国方面，英国警方的“老明星恋童癖追捕行动”再次让人大跌眼镜，有“英国猫王
”之美称的歌坛常青树克里夫·理查德爵士因一起30年前的性侵男童案被警方搜查住
处，虽然目前搜查尚无结果，但网民们毫无疑问已经将他看成是另一个已经落马的恋
童狂。
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今天早上一起床，就看见Facebook上N多人的状态变成了“请安息，一直以来看你的
样子、听你的声音，曾给我带来无尽的乐趣……”之类的东西。
是不是霍金死了啊？
——gazzytee
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摇滚乐队Motley Crue即将进行最后的告别巡演，鼓手Tommy Lee开玩笑说，其实他
们还真想以最摇滚的方式来给乐队画上句号，比如让载着乐队的飞机轰隆一下空难掉
之类，唯一的麻烦是估计很难找到驾驶员来帮他们开飞机。
我觉得他可以去附近的清真寺找找？
——van
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刚听说有名人去世了，好像是个姓威廉姆斯的男的。
是大威还是小威啊？
——Reject Dog
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我被公司炒了鱿鱼，他们说我搞歧视。
不就是对着口吃的顾客说了句“哎我说大哥啊，我也就挣这么点钱，别让我听莫
尔斯码好么！”嘛……
——Charlie Chester
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“你就真这么讨厌我妈？”妻子问我。
“哪有啦，不讨厌啊。”
“那为什么你开生日趴踢从来都不邀请她呢？”
“谁说的啊？我去年不就邀请她来参加我的50岁生日趴踢了么？”
“是啊！”她突然更生气了，“你他妈才24岁好吗！！”
——Dog Botherer
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昨天我去了一相亲网站，跟一个妹子网聊中。
“麦当劳和汉堡王，你喜欢哪一个？”我问，“你可要小心哦，因为你的答案将
会决定我接下来是不是还会继续和你聊下去……”
“哎呦，那我可要紧张了呀。”她说，“嗯，不过，我的话，还是喜欢汉堡王。
”
“拜拜了您呐，”我说，“正确答案是两样都不喜欢好吗你个死胖子！”
——G_B
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“你他妈凭什么骂我是个荡妇！”妻子高声冲我怒吼，“我也就和七个男人睡过而已
啊！”
“你听着……”我说，“我们等他们走光了再接着吵，成不？”
——beardy bastard
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意外发现有个同事是个基督徒科学派教徒。我就问他：“我时常会想啊，为什么你
们总是坚持人不应该看病吃药呢？”
“因为，”他回答说，“任何人都不应该扮演上帝的角色！”
“呃，如果医生们真的要‘扮演上帝的角色’的话，那他们不应该去救死扶伤、
而应该直接无视所有病人们的哀求让他们自生自灭才对吧……”
——ChuckNorrisSucks
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昨天我忙了一整天啊，有多忙——回到家时，我的智能手机竟然还有75%的电量……
——Dano1036
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你们说，罗宾·威廉姆斯火化之后……
他的亲戚们会不会试着去摩挲他的骨灰罐儿呢？
——cvrock
//罗宾·威廉姆斯在迪士尼动画《阿拉丁》中为灯神配音
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今天在家门下发现有人塞了一张字条，上面写着：“想要和我XO吗，晚上8点在巴士
车库后面等我来。——痴女女子高中生xxx 留”
于是我去了，等了，等了N久，一个人都没见着。
回家一看，家里被偷了。
——Monkey Man Arsewipe
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教你如何用简单的两步激怒一名女性：
1、拍一张她的照片。
2、不给她看。
——推特用户@iam_3310
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我跟邻居聊天：“听说了么，附近那个学校里的流行病啊，本来以为是麻疹的，结
果最后发现是德国麻疹。”
“哎，这你怎么知道的？”邻居问。
“死的小孩都是犹太人！”
——burybob
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很欣慰看到警方如此迅速地展开了对克里夫·理查德的调查：在事件发生的30年后、
离事发地点150英里的地方进行搜查。
如此神一般的侦探实力，福尔摩斯你怕了没有！
——Monkey Man Arsewipe
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大儿子去参加桌游大厂Games Workshop举办的活动，结果却被赶出场地取消了资格，
说是因为他入场时带了违禁品。
女友。
——Cryogenic
没太懂这是什么梗
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好像尼日利亚因为埃博拉死了不少人啊。
莫非这就是为什么我把自己的银行账户信息寄给他们政府高官之后，整整两个月
都还没等到任何回音的原因？
——Pigling Bland
//尼日利亚骗局梗
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我听说如果被熊袭击，应该就地躺下装死。
这怎么听怎么觉得是熊想出来故意传播开的信息不是么……
——ChuckNorrisSucks
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新闻里说，墨西哥一个女歌手，为了瘦身让自己变得更像夏奇拉，不惜去除了自己的
两根肋骨。
是吗，我打算去除我的小JJ，好让自己变得更像贾斯汀·比伯。
——Eviltorry
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怎样在网络上挑起骂战：
1、表达一个观点。
2、等。
——Fufriend
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看到新闻里说，本森床品公司近日推出了一款售价2.4万英镑的超高档床垫。
床的最底层，是4000个排列整齐的布袋弹簧。
弹簧上是羊绒，羊绒上是马海毛，再上面是蚕丝……
而在这些东西的上面，则是一个会花2.4万英镑去买一套床垫的S…兼二逼。
——jackmeough
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“克里夫·理查德，你有权保持沉默……”
哎哎，如果在他第一次拿起麦克风时就有人对他说这句话，那该多好啊……
——G_B
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一个女人走进一个婚姻咨询师的办公室。
咨询师先开了口：“我十分清楚你来到这里的具体原因——你的丈夫不再愿意和
你同房，成天只是喜欢一个人看着AV一个人撸。”
女子不由惊呼：“哎！真的完全正确哎！我们都还没开始咨询，您是怎么能知道
得这么清楚的呢？”
咨询师说：“因为你胖。”
——ikenna
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《新科学家》杂志公布了一项新研究，指出酒后驾驶的危险性比抽大麻后驾驶要高
出80%。
主要原因是抽了大麻的司机基本上全都停在麦当劳汽车餐厅那儿一动不动。
——chemohunter
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如今做父母的最担心的两件事：
1、儿子都下载了些什么。
2、女儿都上传了些什么。
——Abhishek Tiwari
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还有什么比有一个没胸的女友更惨的么？
没女友，有胸。
——poltroon
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这些天的报刊新闻，满满的都被众多明星自杀啊涉嫌多年前恋童啊的消息给占据了
。
亏的是最近没什么战争或者严重疾病暴发之类的消息需要他们来报道呢……
——Reject Dog
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The wife would like us to feel a gentle and relaxing breeze all over our
bodies when we have sex.
妻子希望我们在爱爱时，能够周身都感受到一股凉爽而轻柔的风。
I'm not a fan.
我对此并不怎么支持。/我又不是电风扇！
——Jimminy Savlon
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=========重口反白=========重口反白=========重口反白======
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我还记得在我小的时候，父母们常会静静坐着听克里夫·理查德。
从来没有到我的房间里来阻止他过。
——G_B
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有一天我干了一个妹子，那真是日得天翻地覆、地动山摇，差点都要把她给艹活过来
了！
——jokes.topstuff.net网站
//欲仙欲死何足道，干死干活才是真
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感觉我的吸尘器吸起来没有过去有劲了，它是不是结了婚。
——baggiesfan
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
