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Na morju v avtokampu se pogovarjata dva "soseda", Nemec in Slovenec.
Pa vpraša Slovenec Nemca: Ti, koliko pa ti kaj zaslužiš na mesec?
Nemec: Odvisno, ampak tam nekje 3500, 4000 €...
Slovenec: Koliko pa porabiš za življenje?
Nemec: Približno pol tega...
Pa Slovenec spet: Kaj pa narediš z ostankom denarja?
Nemec: Veš, to pa se pri nas ne sprašuje...
Potem pa vpraša Nemec Slovenca: Koliko pa zaslužiš ti?
Slovenc odvrne: Tam nekje okrog 750 €...
Nemec: Samo? Koliko pa porabiš za življenje?
Slovenec: Odvisno, tam nekje 1200, 1500 €...
Pa pravi Nemec: Ja kje pa dobiš ta denar???
Slovenc: Vidiš, tega se pa pri nas ne sprašuje...
- Perice, šta nam daje kokoška?
- Јаja.
- Bravo. A šta drugo?
- Јоš jaja.
- Dobro, a na čemu ti spavaš?
- Na krevetu.
- А šta ti je pod glavom?
- Ruke.
- Hmm.. Da probamo drukčije. Na čemu spava tvoj otac?
- Na mami.
- А kad ti mama nije tu?
- Na komšinici.
- А kad nema komšinice?
- Тad nema ni tate.
- Jaooo... Ajmo ovako.. Na čemu spava tvoj deda?
- Na krevetu.
- I šta stavlja pod glavu?
- Јаstuk.
- Ako udarimo jastuk, šta dobijemo?
- Prašinu!
- А ako ga udarimo jače?
- Vaške!
- А акo uzmeš nož i isječeš jastuk, šta dobiješ?
- Šamar od dede!
- Dobro šamar, šta još?
- Perje.
- Е-е-е, konačno! I znači, šta nam daje kokoška?
- Pa rekao sam vam, jaja....
Pogovarjata se prijatelja:
- Ne boš verjel, kaj se mi je zgodilo včeraj!
- Kaj?
- Vstopim v stanovanje in pričaka me srečna in zadovoljna žena!
- Kako to?
- Zgrešil sem prava vrata!
Srečata se prijatelja.
- Zakaj si tako zadovoljen?
- Znebil sem se tašče!
- Kako?
- Ločil sem se!
Žena vpraša moža:
- Dragi, Ali imaš rajši pametne ali lepe ženske?
- Ne ene ne druge, jaz ljubim tebe!
Žena reče možu:
- Najin sin je zelo inteligenten, sigurno je dobil pamet od mene!
Mož odgovori:
- Se strinjam, meni je pamet ostala.
Soseda vpraša sosedo:
- Zakaj ima modrico okrog oči?
- Od moža - odgovori.
- Sem mislila da je na potovanju?
- Jaz tudi - odgovori.
Kakšna je razlika med vilo in čarovnico?
- 5 let poroke.
Mož in žena seksata:
- Daj mal gor, zdaj pa mal dol...premakni se malo levo... zdaj pa desno...
- Dragi, ali ti mene jebeš ali parkiraš?
Kaj je skupnega pri klitorisu, obletnici poroke in straniščni školjki?
- Moški jih vedno zgrešijo!
Pride pijanec v bife in vpije:
- Srečno novo leto!
- Kakšno novo leto, saj je oktober?
- Oktober? Žena me bo ubila, tako pozno nisem še nikoli prišel domov!
Mož in žena seksata, žena začne vzdihovati in pravi:
- To, to, še močneje, .. govori mi umazane stvari!
- Kuhinja, kopalnica, soba...
Pogovarjata se prijateljici:
- Sem slišala, da ti je umrl mož.
- Res je.
- Moje sožalje. Ali se je dolgo mučil?
- Ne, poročena sva bila samo eno leto!
ANKETA :
Od 500 anketiranih žena, na pitanje
da li je sex bolji sa mužem ili sa ljubavnikom
200 je odgovorilo da je bolje sa mužem a
300 sa ljubavnikom.
Nobena ni rekla, da NE VE !!!
če imate nasmeh na ustih, ga lahko še komu podarite
SLOVENKA I HRVATICA
Pogovarjata se Slovenka in Hrvatica o darilih za Valentinovo.
Slovenka pravi:
- Dobila sem zlato uro, zlate uhane in zlati prstan, skratka vse zlato....'
A Hrvatica razočarano:
- Ma, ja sam dobila kurac!'
Slovenka zavije z očmi in zamrmlja:
- Kak' preprost narod, a tak' krasno darilo.
Vstopnina
Žena se potoži svoji zdravnici:
"Jaz več ne morem tako, čisto sem izmozgana.
Moj mož hoče seksat petnajstkrat na noč."
-"Saj to je neverjetno," je začudena zdravnica.
"Res, takoj ko leževa v posteljo ugasne luč in začne."
-"Očitno se mu zahoče samo v temi.
Kaj, ko bi enkrat prižgali luč?" predlaga zdravnica.
Ženska posluša nasvet in takoj, ko mož zleze k njej
v posteljo, prižge luč in presenečena zakriči:
"Ja sosed, kaj pa vi tukaj? Kje je moj mož?"
-Sosed zajeclja: "Zunaj pred vrati. Vstopnino pobira..."
Sekundno lepilo
Fant pride na zajtrk v kuhinjo in vpraša babico: "Kje sta oče in mami?"
"V postelji sta," mu odgovori babica.
Deček se začne hihitati in se gre igrat.
Ko pride na kosilo, spet vpraša babico: "Kje sta oče in mami?"
Ta odgovori: "Še vedno sta v postelji."
Fant se zahihita, poje kosilo in se spet odpravi igrat.
Ko se vrne v hišo, tokrat že na večerjo, zopet vpraša babico: "Kje sta oče
in mami?"
Ko babica odgovori, da sta še v postelji, se fant začne smejati na vsa
usta.
Babica ga začudeno vpraša: "Kaj se dogaja s tabo?"
Deček reče: "Včeraj zvečer je prišel v mojo sobo oče in me prosil za
vazelin,
pa sem mu dal sekundno lepilo."
Mali Tinček objokan sredi Trubarjeve v Ljubljani.
Pa ga ogovori starejši uglajen gospod: "Fantek, kaj se je zgodilo?"
Tinček: "Izgubil sem se."
Možakar: "Pa vsaj veš svoj naslov?"
Mali v solzah izdavi: "tincek@gmail.com"
Na radio Velenje med oddajo “v živo” nekdo pokliče:
Poslušalec: “Dobar dan, tukaj Safet iz Veleja.”
Voditelj: “Pozdravljeni, Safet, kaj bo dobrega?”
Poslušalec: “Danas zjutra sam u Velejaparku našu denarnico z dost denara i dokumenti.”
Voditelj: “Koliko pa je denarja?”
Poslušalec: “Malo više čez tri tisuč evrov, i kartice.”
Voditelj: “A se da iz dokumentov razbrati, kdo je lastnik?”
Poslušalec: ” Da, to je neki Karl Benko, iz Veleja.”
Voditelj: “In kako lahko gospod pride do vas?”
Poslušalec: ” Jok, ne zovem radi toga. Zavrtite čoveku jedan dobar komad!”
Suljo se vraća kući mrtav pijan.
Fata s vrata: " Alkoholičaru, PIJANDURO, sad dolaziš kući i to pijan ?"
Na to će Suljo: " Čekaj Fato polako, reci mi, koliko sam te puta jebo ovaj mjesec ?
Pa bogami pet puta !
A koliko sam se puta napio?
Samo jednom !
Pa pizda ti materina, što me onda ne zoveš JEBAČ, a ne pijandura ?
Previous article:
Vici VII. (12 years ago)
About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. Its creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
