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UŽIVAJTE!!!!!! ENjOY!!!!!
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ko je ženska za volanom
Še kak vic:
Se pelje avto skozi tunel in na koncu tunela ta avto ustavi policaj in reče:
˝Čestitke! Vi ste miljonti potnik, ki ste se peljali skozi ta tunel. Zato vam država v zameno poklanja milijon evrov!
Pa se voznik tega neznansko razveseli in policaj ga iz radovednosti vpraša, kaj bo naredil z vsem tem denarjem. Pa voznik veselo odgovori:
˝Kupil si bom vozniški izpit!˝ Policaj malo v šoku in misli nekaj pripomniti, ko se oglasi voznikova žena: ˝
Ne poslušajte ga, kaj ne vidite da je pijan!˝ Policaj se zamisli, ko se iz avta nato oglasi voznikov oče, ki je že malo naglušen in reče:
˝Pizda! Sem vedel, da z ukradenim avtom ne bomo daleč prišli.˝ Nato pa se oglasi še voznikova mati in pripomni:
˝Polde, jebemti skrij že enkrat to prokleto pištolo in se naredi nedolžnega!˝ Pa policaj v šoku in jezi udari po avtu, ko se iz prtljažnika naenkrat zasliši:
˝Francelj, kaj smo že čez mejo?˝
Oče je imel 2 sinova, enega pesimista in drugega optimista. Za božič je pesimistu kupil vlakec na električni pogon, optimistu pa kup dreka. Naslednje
jutro vpraša pesimista:
''Kaj si dobil sine?''
Pesimist: ''Mah, vlakec na elektriko. Sranje. Mogu bom kupvat batrije, kvaru se bo.. eh brez veze.''
Oče: ''Pa sej je na elektriko, ne rabiš baterij.''
Pesimist: ''Mah, bom pa erektriko porablau, brezveze..''...
Oče nima živcev ga več prenašati, zato gre do optimista, ki gleda v kup dreka.
''Kaj si pa ti dobil sine?''
Optimist: ''Ponija! Sam ga zdele ni tuki.'
- Where are you from?
- Slovenia.
- Slovakia?
- No, no, Slovenia... you know.. the Postojna cave, Triglav, Skocjans caves, Presheren, Dragon bridge, wine ...
- Aaaa, Slovenia, Jansa, Virant, Patria?
- No, no... Slovakia
Boy: Babe do you know what ABCDEFG mean?
Girl: No, what?
Boy: "A Boy Can Do Everything For a Girl"
Girl: That's so sweet!
Boy: How about HIJK?
Girl: No, what?
Boy: "Haha I'm Just Kidding"
Abstainer: Weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure
Alcohol: A liquid good for preserving almost everything except secrets.
Alcoholic: Drunk who is scared of a hangover.
Archaeologist: Man whose career lies in ruins.
Baby-sitter: Teenager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teenagers.
Bigamist : Man who makes a second mistake before he corrects the first.
Cannibal: A guy who goes into a restaurant and orders the waiter.
Novinar sprašuje: "Koliko časa potrebujete, da kupite z vašo plačo Mercedes?"
Kučan odgovarja: "Ja če skupaj s Štefko vrževa, bi rabila tam okoli 4-5 mesecev."...
Türk pravi: "Glede na to da sem sam zaposlen, bi trajalo tam okoli 8-9 mesecev."
Janković premišljeno: "Bi rekel tam okoli 3-4 leta."Novinar se začudi. "Ja gospod Janković, kako to mislite 3-4 leta?"
"Pa veste, Mercedes je velika firma"
Nek možakar vstopi v bar in vpraša natakarja: "A nista tisto Janša in Jelinčič?"
Natakar reče: "Jep, tako je."
Možakar stopi do njune mize in reče: "Wow, to je prava čast. Kaj pa počneta tukaj, če lahko vprašam?"
Janša reče: "Načrtujeva 3. svetovno vojno!"
In reče možakar: "Res? In kaj se bo zgodilo?"
Janša spet: "No, pobili bomo 7 milijonov Hrvatov in blondinko z velikimi joški."
Možakar začuden: "Zakaj pa blondinko z velikimi joški?"
Janša se obrne k Jelinčiču in reče: "Vidiš, sem ti rekel, da se nihče ne bo sekiral za 7 milijonov Hrvatov..."
Kaj je cigan brez rok???
Posten drzavljan
Učitelj vpraša učence:"ČE KDO MISLI, DA JE NEUMEN NAJ VSTANE."
Nihče ne vstane. Čez nekaj trenutkov pa Janezek vstane. Učitelj ga pa
vpraša:"JANEZEK A TI MISLIŠ, DA SI NEUMEN?"
Janezek mu pa odgovori:"NE SAMO SRCE ME BOLI KO VIDIM, DA
SAMO VI STOJITE.
To je vse za danes upam da ste uživali, in pričakujte še več
Če hočete V+S pustite link časopisa v komentarju.
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
