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Dear Mothers and Fathers!

It is I again, Valnadicious. Today I shall write a piece about my lovely maker, the infamous and mystified Dr. Greven1.



A Troubled Past

It was a cold winter's day at the very end of February, after spending months on end trying to figure out what went wrong with his previous creations - The Lizardanians - that Dr. Greven1 finally saw the light.

It may seem like an easy puzzle to solve now that we have the solution in front of us and I crawl here in broad daylight, but the dear Doctor had not yet tried to increase the gene pool and decrease the aggressive tendencies in the DNA swirl. He had been ordered to manufacture fighting drones - killer babies - and he had arguably succeeded above all expectations with the Z batch. However, that is all they ever learned to do. Many of the Lizardanians have lived to become more than 150 days old by now, and still they haven't learned to talk. All they can utter is some Mordorish gibberish that doesn't make sense to anyone... and fight. They sure know how to fight.

In fact, initial tests with the Z batch showed that if you were to put two Lizardanians in a room together, they would instantly establish hierarchy by the weakest of the pair dropping his tail, which then gets eaten by the stronger specimen. If you put a few hundred Lizardanians together, the thumping thunderously noise of tails dropping can be heard within a twelve mile radius.



A Brighter Future

So, what our dear Doctor did was to manipulate the DNA segment that controlled the stimuli of the speech centre of the brain. Instead of only knowing the tongue of Mordor, his test results showed surprisingly good skills in English, which at the time was considered a break through. He also took precautions to make sure that the adjacent segments of the DNA code would not go unstable, which resulted in further improved test results in several important areas such as cognitive skills and comprehensiveness. One of the major faults with the Lizardanians was that they had simply been made too narrow-minded, and they could not indulge in intellectually stimulating and rewarding conversations. Much like cave men, they excelled in killing stuff, but in the end that was all they would ever be capable of doing.

From that moment on he received such positive test scores that his success even astonished the President, sulle The Balt-Basher, who gave his permission to let the Doctor commence full scale baby breeding as soon as the new breeding chamber, The Swedishburg, stood ready for production.



DIY-genetics - Learning by Doing

History had taught the Doctor that messing about with eGenetics could result in disaster. When February became March, his Z Batch of Lizardanians had since their birth indulged themselves in such violent forms of fornication that they had actually managed to lay siege to the entire Holy Land (often referred to as "Sweden" as well as Sydsverige (a.k.a. Germany) plus a number of other more or less insignificant areas of Europe.

As a child, the Doctor had often cherished those moments when his mother, Inga-Greta Ingridsdotter, had read bed-time stories from the works of J.R.R Svensson. He remembered all the epic battles between the humans, Germ-Dwarves and High Swedes when they faced the rampaging hordes of Orcs, Romulians and British aristocrats.

The dear Doctor couldn't help but feel that his own bastardly creations - The Lizardanians - had devolved into an Orc-like state. They commenced in uncontrolled fornication rituals and breeding feasts, they ransacked and pillaged everything they came in contact with and they showed no signs of possessing advanced intellect. The alpha-males of their largest tribes were capable of keeping the chaotic horde supplied with weapons and seemed to be able to steer them in a specific direction, but aside from that, they were like any other Lizardanian.

Reports had been sent from the Finnish frontier, where contact between the Lizardanians and the notorious Ruschki tribes from the North-Eastern tundras had proven that they were equally incapable of understanding concepts such as how to tell a truth without confusing it with a lie, how to stay true to your word and how not to backstab your closest associates.



One could argue the fact that Dr. Greven1 had been somewhat successful in his previous experiments. After all, no one had ever managed to breed anything as repulsive as the Z batch before. Judging by the reports he had almost managed to make a carbon copy of the Ruschki specimen, which isn't as easy as it may sound. But his ambition had been set higher. Much higher.

One Small Step for Doctor Greven1, a Giant Leap for The Holy Land

Due to his stubbornness, the Doctor refused to give up hope after the disappointing results with the Z batch. Eventually he succeeded, and when he cradled me in his arms for the first time, he knew that the future of this nation would be nothing like the troubled present he had been forced to endure for what felt like an eternity.

Simultaneously as be initiated the state-run breeding program, trustworthy citizens of The Holy Land had helped out by bringing more love babies to the world and now we stand here as one of the most populous empires in the entire world. In due time, even the Lizardanian virus will be contained by the growing, new generation of High-Swedes.

Your loving child,

Valnadicious Grefvenstierna

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