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1. 父亲:“儿子,以后处对象一定不要让她跟你一样懂足球。” 儿子:“为什么?” 父亲:“曾经你妈问我喜不喜欢托蒂,我说非常喜欢,结果二十多年来咱家的拖把上就没有留下过你妈的指纹。”
2. 一天老师出了一篇作文,题目是《路过》,本人绞尽脑汁我不知道该怎么写,转身一看同桌倒是写的行云流水,拿过来想着借鉴一下,却看到上面写着“走过路过,不要错过,本店所有商品一律两元出售,一律两元,两元你买不了吃亏,两元你买不了上当。”擦,这二货。
3. 女朋友出差在外,发了一条短信问候我:“我不在你身边的时候,你还好吗?” 我回道:“没有你在的时候好。” 发送完毕后,仔细读了一遍,感觉明年我可能又要一个人过情人节了……
4. 刚跟我妈遇到一乞丐老是纠缠,我妈就跟我说随便扔一两块让他走吧,我就给了一块他,他还不肯走,我想想再扔了两块,他更放肆了,我咬咬牙只好一连再扔了好几块,路边的警察叔叔也看不下去了,过来就喊:你给我过来!扔石头那个!
5. 刚刚去买早餐回家吃,点餐的时候实在太饿,不小心点得有点多。下单的小哥问【你是一个人吃么?】,我心想要是说一个人吃的话肯定会被嘲笑一个人怎么吃这么多啊。于是回答说【是两个人吃的】。【两个人吃这么多啊】下单小哥说。
6. 我有一天正在上课,突然一位调皮的同学大声叫道:“哎呀!老师,您的结婚戒指戴错手指了。”我不动声色地回答:“是的,因为我嫁错人了。”
7. 有三个男人死了—一个是大色鬼,一个是守财奴,另一个是同性恋。上帝跟他们说:“如果你们可以在一个星期之后,通过考验,改掉你们的坏习惯,你们就可以上天堂。”于是三个人就开始接受考验。第一天,三个人一齐走着走着就遇上一个绝世美女,那个大色鬼就咻一声地消失了。剩下的两人都很害怕,很小心翼翼地走下去。日子一天天的过去,直到最后一天,地上突然出现一张千元大钞,守财奴马上弯下腰去捡,结果两个人都咻一声地一起不见了。
8. 昨天用电脑看王力宏的演唱会,奶奶走过来看了一会说:你看人家那个卖矿泉水的小伙子都那么出息了!你就知道玩电脑!
9. 一室友问:“如果摆在狗面前一坨屎和一根骨头,狗会喜欢哪个?”一奇葩室友理智得回答:“”狗可以拿着骨头蘸着屎吃。”我们当时就被他的智商给震惊了...
10.和女友逛街,她看见一家内衣店里有很好看的情侣睡衣卖。
她:“哇,有情侣睡衣哦。”
我:“情侣在一起还需要穿睡衣吗?”
周围热辣辣的目光直射了过来。。。
11.今天逛街,突然内急,好不容易找到一公厕。直接往里闯,被门口的大爷拦住,要交费。我急着说先解决了出来再给。出来后一搜口袋,居然没零钱了。幸亏哥机智,看到大爷叼着烟,遂掏出口袋烟递出一根:大爷,您看这行不?大爷鄙视地看了看我那七块的黄山,没吭声。我咬了咬牙,又掏出一根:上厕所一次五毛,我这七毛了,不用找了!赶紧放到大爷怀里,跑了。永远不会忘了大爷那凌乱的眼神。

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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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