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2. 最近发现自己心理有些问题，年纪轻轻的，居然对年轻姑娘失去了兴趣，反而对少妇有着深深的迷恋。我很惶恐，很怕自己这样下去酿成大祸，于是我远离了女人，找了一份幼儿园的工作，看着孩子们天真的笑脸，我的心灵仿佛也得到了净化。我没事经常带着小孩子们做游戏，时间长了，我和小孩子们的妈妈也混熟了。恩，小红她妈妈长的不错。
3. 我妈有特别的沟通技能，比如刚才在长途车上，我妈坐前排，我说要吃水果，我妈问：要苹果还是桑葚？我说桑葚。我妈又问：要苹果还是桑葚？我说桑葚啦！我妈又问了一遍，这种感觉就像你戳了半天按钮A都没反应，于是就想按个B试试好了：要苹果吧。然后我妈闪电般就把之前吃了一半拿纸包着的苹果递了过来…
4. 小时候我想：“等我有了钱我做点什么好呢？”长大了我想：“我该做什么才能有钱呢？”再后来我想：“如果我没钱我还能做什么呢？”
5. 每次周末犹豫着要不要睡懒觉的时候，我都会对自己大吼三声：“你有钱吗？！你有钱吗？！你有钱吗？！”通常这样一下子就能激励到自己，然后为了省下一顿饭钱而勇敢地继续睡下去。
6. 语文老师向我们吹嘘：“想当年我和你们一样大的时候，上课也无聊，但我能在无聊的时候想出一上联，至今很多人对过，但我都不曾满意。”随后转身，潇洒地在黑板上写出 “无聊人看无聊人做无聊事甚是无聊” 。小明想都没想直接站起来答道：“龌龊者听龌龊者讲龌龊事甚是龌龊！”全班安静，只听见老师粉笔掉地下的声音。。。。。
7. 悟空和二郎神大战，悟空说：“天宫没人了吗，怎么给我派个残疾人来？”二郎神大怒道：“休要侮辱我，我怎么残疾了？”悟空说：“长了三支眼为啥还带导盲犬，该不是缺心眼吧？”
8. 大号别在家里，一定要在公司。假如你每天要花10分钟大号，一年下来，你就会有40个小时的带薪大号时间，相当于5天年假。别问我名字，我叫红领巾。。。
9. 清晨上班，在一个十字路口看到一小孩在烧试卷，边烧边说：“爷啊，你在那边岁数大了，多做题对脑子好。要是遇到不会的，你就把我班主任带过去让她教你。”
10. 一同学在机场过安检的时候大摇大摆地拎着饮料就过去了，机场工作人员怒了：“回来，把你手里的饮料喝一口！”该同学愤愤地拧开瓶盖，咕咚咕咚把一瓶饮料全喝了，工作人员顿时愣住了。只见该同学擦擦嘴喊道：“你们不就是想要个瓶吗？诺，给你！”
11.老婆苦练搓牌技术，用布蒙住眼睛道：“快！给我一张！”
我递给她一个六桶，她一搓：“八万！”
我上去就是一嘴巴：“这是六桶你个蠢货！”
她撤下面罩发现真是六桶，于是又戴上眼罩：“老公！再来一次！”
于是我又给了她一嘴巴。。。。。
12.爸爸：儿子，你喜欢妈妈多，还是喜欢爸爸多？
儿子：当然喜欢爸爸多了。
爸爸：为什么？
儿子：因为你教会我要坚强，挨打也不要哭。
爸爸：真是好儿子！这是什么时候的事啊，我怎么不太记得了。
儿子：经常啊，每次看到你被妈妈像死狗一样打时，我就觉得没什么不能面对的了。
13.一女的带着小狗狗去银行，在银行里小狗狗想大便，美女就把报纸扑在地上，等小狗狗拉完，把报纸包起来拿出去扔掉，高潮来了，迎面开来一摩托车嗖的一声，从美女手上抢过报纸，加速离去。留下美女在风中凌乱
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
