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2.lz女，正躺在床上迷迷糊糊准备睡觉，男盆友在旁边用手机看电视，忽然听见电视里面女声说道：千万不要得罪女人～我反应极快的踢了他一下，说听到没有？？哪知道电视里面那货接下来说的是：尤其是我这样的老女人……男盆友笑翻了，唉～
3.每天早上7点过就会被孩儿她妈踢醒给娃兑奶。然后就睡不着，只能到单位逛逛淘宝ebay什么的。9点上班，8点钟我就到了。然后，一年里我第二次升职了。
4.骨折了住院，烟瘾犯了。就默默的点上了一根，和临床的姑娘聊天。
你说我抽烟被护士抓住会怎么样？
她:恭喜你 得到了一个搭讪机会。。。。。
深深明白一个道理 泡妞应向女人请教。
5.我一姐们，用打车软件的时候总是模仿林志玲的声音：你好，嗯哼，我要从某某地到某某地。师傅先生，谢谢哦～～
每次高峰期用这招百分百能打到车哦。 女生们都可以学学哦。
重点是当师傅看到这个壮如汉子的女纸时，都石化了。。。。
6.深圳的公交车司机开车很猛，楼主坐公交车的时候上来一漂亮美眉。靠着后门玩手机，楼主提醒她不要靠着门，很危险。她看了我一眼，鸟都不鸟我。刚刚说完没多久，司机拐了个大弯。她没站稳，跪在了我面前。
7.住院中、 术后每天都要输液。这是背景
有一个很萝莉但个头比较矮的护士，来送液体，因为输液杆比较高，小护士踮起脚尖还是很难挂上去，我那浪里格浪的老表在护士后面说：来，我帮你吧。 小护士：哦，那谢谢… 话还没说完，就被我那老表抱了起来。
擦、这畜牲太机智了，画面脑补
8.同事在到处邀请人去他家看球赛，并说无限量供应冰啤和烤鸡，我问你这么喜欢看足球赛啊，答曰，我喜欢看热闹。
9.妹纸小名叫花花。晚上和朋友吃麻辣烫，老板娘突然大声叫花花，花花。。我大吼一声，爱，我在呢。。。。然后看到一只狗狗跑到老板娘面前，我突然明白了什么。。。。。
10.话说今天大学物理期末考试。我准备好了小抄记着几个公式，趁老师不注意时，从兜里掏出来没看直接藏卷子底下了，一会打开卷子偷偷一看，居然是他妈的一张十元钱。。十元。。钱。。
11.小时候每次考试不及格都会被练过武术的爸爸狂揍，偶尔还要放两个大招，父亲说孩子不打不成器，如今都23了依旧没什么作为，问父亲愿因，父亲说那是因为小时候打的太轻了，我现在好庆幸，还好中国对军火方面管制的比较严！
12.背景：农村乡下，昨天和同学一起坐车去他家玩，坐的是乡下的那种随叫随停的面包车。
好像快到他家时，我同学对开车的师傅说：“师傅，在机场停，我们下车”。我当时一听，靠，这地方还有飞机场？？？等会观摩观摩。到地方下车后才发现：靠，养鸡场啊~~~~~
13.今天看到新闻说十几个大学生去给高考生当枪手被抓了……
觉得很震惊，他们竟然敢找大学生帮忙，不怕考砸吗？
14.今天去长途汽车站，内急想拉屎。。以此为背景。。。刚进去就被一大爷给拽了出来，“拉粑粑一块，嘘嘘五毛”，后面一猥琐男插一句“打灰机呢。机呢。”
15.这几天在感冒中，和几个朋友去KTV唱歌 平常这几个家伙都不待见我 那天却老是要我献唱 不知为何故 人家说 感冒了得我声音好有男人味 可是尼玛我是妹子好吗
16.小时候老师做家访，正巧遇到我家在围剿老鼠，房间有只大老鼠但找了好久一直没找到，突然老师目光锁定窗帘，当时我和妈都很害怕，紧张地看着老师小心翼翼地拉了拉窗帘，结果！！一只硕大的老鼠掉了下来，重重砸在老师身上，我和妈一慌拿起手上所有工具使劲往老师身上殴打！第二天老师没来上课
17.女朋友有点神经质，总爱提一些莫名其妙的要求。今天，她突然抱住我的胳膊撒娇：老公，摔我！摔我嘛！我十分震惊，可看到她期待的眼神，还是狠下心一把抱住她来了一个过肩摔，没想到她站起来对着我就是一耳光：混蛋！老娘让你说！爱！我！
18.刚跟老婆一起逛街，遇到一摆摊卖金项链的，有一人准备买，老板说话了：要几米？几米？米？瞬间我凌乱了。。
19.今天坐公交车，忽然来电话了，中国平安推销车险的。
“先生您好，请问你是车主么？”是个mm的声音，还挺好听。
“车主？是啊，我是车主！”我的声音很大，全车的目光差不多都集中过来了。
“那请问一下能不能耽误您几分钟时间，我给你介绍一下······”
“行了，不用介绍了，我就想知道你们到底是什么人？”我眉头紧锁，一副很忧虑的样子。
“啊？”mm似乎很吃惊。
没等她反应过来，我继续说道： “为什么我前天刚买了自行车你们就知道了，你们是不是在监视我。”
。。。。。。
那位喝豆浆的美女你为何喷了你前面的帅哥一脸，你知道错了么？
20.和女朋友谈了两年多了， 她爸爸和我爸爸关系不错。 但是两个都反对我们在一起……
21.有个朋友拿到驾照几年了没摸过车…最近买了辆二手面的，晚上让我去兜风顺便指导一下，刚起步就一耸一耸的像是在日车，告诉他不要紧张，话刚落音一个大油门急刹，还不知羞耻的来了句：有没有推背感，有没有？推你大爷啊，我鼻血怎么止住啊……
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
