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什么叫做JJ小:你女友和你谈了两年,她一直以为你们是一对拉拉。
——gazzytee

人生不如意事十八九,知道惠特尼休斯顿死了的时候,我正对着她撸呢,当时我就泪崩了,于是也就没撸出来。
  不过也真谢天谢地啊,要是又在犯罪现场留下DNA证据的话,那还真是头疼呢……
——CarrotAndTwigs


市政会议决定在我家附近的小学边上立一块“危险:此处有儿童穿行”的牌子。
  这是多此一举嘛——咱开的是路虎,这五岁大的小孩儿,根本就撞不出印子呀。
——8 ace


走进一家图书馆,我开口问工作人员:“请问这里有没有关于如何谨慎饲养食人鱼宠物的有声书籍呢?”
  “呃,非得有声书不可吗?”
  “嗯。”我伸出没有手的手腕给她看。
——TheRizzler


妻子发短信问我人在哪里。
  “情绪管理课,心理顾问在和我说怎么少发脾气、控制怒火。”
  “谈得怎么样?”
  “不怎么样……回家你就知道了。”
——stash 发布于 家庭暴力 栏目






授人以鱼,他能够吃上一天。
  而让他能领伤残救助金……他就能在余生之中每晚都吃外卖啦!
——Debbie McGhee


一群哥们儿都不相信我跟他们说的、我的情人节是跟一名18岁的性感少女一起度过的事儿。
  他们边笑我边说少YY了,说不定她根本是你想象出来的呢。
  哈,他们才可笑呢——因为他们也是我想象出来的。
——kerrigan
//有时我会想象自己如何英雄救美、消弭与她之间的隔阂,有时我会想象她如何哭泣着说自己不该对我不好、而依然冷酷的我说一切已经太迟,有时我会想象世界末日、被困的我们逐渐培养出与求生纠葛的情谊,有时我会想象着和陌生的奇妙女子邂逅、展开童话故事般的情节,有时,我会看着满是AV的文件夹、茫然地发现需要撸的原来不是管,而是撸瑟的心灵。
这个我觉得不怎么好笑。。。——小天






今早我忘了给5岁的儿子系上安全带。
  从停车场出来的时候,有人对我喊:“这个当爹的太不靠谱了!”
  “谁他妈说我?!”我怒了,“儿子快把车停下,咱找他算账去!”
——Razz(小修改)




一份调查问卷询问男性为何如此喜欢口爆,结果是——5%的人说他们享受当时的“景致”,15%的人说他们享受当时的感觉,剩余的80%人说他们享受当时的安静。
——SuSu


前段时间收到一个以色列的工作offer,翻了一倍薪水,于是我就搬过去开始过有钱人的日子咯。就是有一点不爽,我在那儿的上司明显有反英国情绪,他成天在那边绕着弯子暗示英国人有多蠢,还管我们叫“欧洲的美国人”。
  然后就到了昨天,他满脸堆笑地跑过来跟我说:“哈哈哈,我刚在报纸上看到,去年有300个英国人坐在马桶上时受伤!”
  我当即答道:“哦是么,我听说你们有六百万人在洗澡时死了呢。”
  总之,回来的感觉挺好的嗯。
——ElGringoBandito


酒吧里进来一条狗,酒保大声说:“不好意思,这是谁家的狗啊?门外明明白白地写着不准进狗的!”
  狗说:“哎呀,我可不是一般的狗呢。”
  酒保说:“哦?你有什么稀奇的呀?”
——irbaboon





==============================
带了一妞儿回家,她坐下没多久,突然开口说:“看起来,你平时打飞机挺多的吧?”
  “呃真是抱歉、抱歉……”我飞快地收起那一大摞DVD,“早知有女士要来,我应该把A片都收好的唉……”
  “不,我不是说这个……”她说,“我粘在你的沙发里了。”
——CallmeDeano




正要换个住处,找到了个市中心附近地段很不错的地方,看上去很理想。
  房东说:“每月只要600英镑,但是不准住小孩和养宠物。”
  最后我还是拒绝了,虽然是很划算,但我还是不想放弃自己的性生活。
——kerrigan




上帝当初取亚当的肋骨时假如多取那么几根的话,其实压根儿就不需要女人了呗!
——Unassigned 发布于 口交 栏目

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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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