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2.我一朋友，女，姓苍，今年高考填报志愿，她打死都不愿报师范学院……家人认为教师工作稳定体面，叫我去做她的工作，我想我肯定也说服不了她！！
3.语文老师给女朋友的信：你苗条的身材像破折号，丰满的乳房像冒号，凹凹的肚脐像句号，不尽激起了我的感叹号，我多想穿过你的小括号，在里面留下一串省略号！
4.大学新生军训，教官训话：“据以往的经验，很多同学对军训没有正确的认识，把军训当成了寻找爱情的机会。为了避免这种事件发生，我宣布，凡是两个男生在一起训练时，必须有女生在场！
5.一妹子人很漂亮，就是出口成脏。春节准备第一次见未来公婆，男友叮嘱千万别说话。见面后席间二老嘘寒问暖，姑娘都是笑而不答，一副乖乖女的样子，把公公婆婆喜欢的不行。临走公公婆婆坚持要送姑娘到车站。一路很冷，姑娘终于不忍，开口道：“叔叔，你们回去吧。看把阿姨冻的那熊样！！！”
6.一中年妇女考移库，特别紧张，该她上车了，直接坐到副驾驶座，张望一会，然后非常牛的给教练打电话：教练，车上没有方向盘啊！教练更淡定的来句：慢慢找吧，肯定有……
7.军训时迎面走来几个穿着超短裙的学姐，我们纷纷对教官挤眉弄眼。教官没好气地摆了摆手说：”好了好了，全体都有，趴下，匍匐前进！”
8.就刚刚跟二货媳妇生气，我骂了一句你懂个屁。媳妇反骂你懂个JB。我说比你懂。媳妇说你知道什么味的吗？不淡定了～～好吧你赢了！
9.朋友姓殷，三天前喜得贵子，还未取名，昨天征求我意见，我说，希望你小孩在人生道路上严格要求自己，就叫道严，怎么样？他说这名字好，挺不错。今天见到我，脸都绿了
10.今天发表个说说：开学了，学长给学妹拎包的劲真大。然后有个美女评论，学长干学妹的劲更大。。
11.晚上，几家人聚会，一起吃饭。喝酒。A 说：自己的老婆又胖了N斤，不如以前受看了。B 放下酒杯，来了句：不行就换。招致A妻怒目以对，B不慌不忙道：不行就换个秤！
12.世界改变命运，微信改变女人。谁TMD还敢说女人不能打飞机！
13.一天，老公把一直留着的两嘬胡须剃掉了。他来到5岁女儿的房间，问她：“看出我有什么不一样了吗，孩子？”女儿一脸疑惑地答道：“没有啊。” 老公又对她说道：“我的胡子不见了。”女儿脸上疑惑的表情没有了，她可怜兮兮地说：“我没拿！”
14.东东正在玩电脑游戏，爸爸走过来问他：“儿子，爸爸和妈妈就要离婚了，你跟谁？”东东头也不回，一扬手，说：“把你们的离婚协议书拿来给我看看。”爸爸惊讶道：“你看什么？”东东说：“我看电脑分给谁了？”
15.今天听说一个碰瓷的事，一富二代帅哥将豪车停在路边，一个大妈突然躺在车前不起来了，张口问二代要一万块，不然就不起来，去医院检查就是不去，富二代拿出电话打电话说：爸爸，往我卡上打四五十万，我要撞死个人……大妈爬起来就走了。
16.小时候有一次学校让买学习资料，大家都是7块钱，我为了让自己能有点零用钱花一张嘴就要了10块，结果老妈不信我，就跑去问家对面的同班同学，当时那心里忐忑的差点就说实话了。没想到老妈一回来就说：“一看就知道上课没好好听老师讲课，人家明明是12块！”我……
17.唐僧早晨起床后发现悟空死在地上，八戒和沙僧坐在地上哭，唐僧问悟空怎么死的？八戒说，师傅，你昨晚上说梦话，念了一夜紧箍咒啊！
18.刚到公司，急去厕所放大，蹲下习惯拿出手机准备看段子，不小心点到旁边地图导航了，电脑语音传出“欢迎使用GPS导航，正在搜索您所在的位置”，旁边蹲着领导立马说“哟，年轻人，迷路找不着坑位啊？那玩意儿能找坑？先进啊。。。
19.昨天我写了个说说：“起床，尿尿，洗脸，刷牙。”网友回复我：“难道你家停水？”
20.男女网聊。男:妹子咱见个面吧，没别的意思，就是请你吃顿饭。女:真的？去哪吃，什么档次的？男:只要妹子赏脸，全城饭店随你点。女:恐怕我点的地方你没能力请我。男:相信哥的实力。女:好吧，去你家，让嫂子给我做。男:….
21.几个男的去夜店k歌，找坐台小姐陪玩，女的说：哥，喝一杯，希望你每日开心，日日开心，日后更开心。众人皆说妹妹会说话，难道有内涵？
22.约了朋友吃饭，打的前往，司机不知道确切位置，遂开导航查。因网络问题，导航没连上。司机问我，你的苹果是假的吧。我果断答，不可能，我的苹果好多功能，还双卡双待，怎么可能是假的？
23.女朋友要和我分手，理由是我的车配置太低，没导航、dvd、倒车雷达，还不是真皮座椅。一怒之下，我来到修理厂，要把所有东西装配齐全。修车师傅听后流泪了:我修了一辈子车，没听过给自行车装这些玩意的，要不我给你定制个真皮屁股座吧。。。
24.晚饭后，我问2周半的儿子:“爸爸好不好？”，儿子不假思索的回答“好”，我心里正美着呢，老婆就问儿子:“爸爸哪里好？”只见儿子看着我老婆笑着说:“爸爸的老婆好”
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
