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• Ko je to tamo iza metle? Izađi odmah!!
• Ko? Ima nas trojica...
Leži jedan čovek u parku na klupi, a drugi stoji pored njega i gura mu prst u šupak. Nailazi organ reda i pita:
• Šta to radiš, čoveče?!
• Ma, drug mi prepio pa hoću da povrati.
• Pa ne gura se prst u šupak već u usta. - kaže policajac.
A ovaj će uz smešak:
• To je sledeće!
Dvojica narkomana uhvatili popa i bacili ga sa zgrade.
Pop padne i pogine.
A jedan narkoman će drugom:
"Jesam ti lepo rekao da je pop, a ti Betmen , Betmen !?
Posle svakog leta piloti avio-prevoznika
Quantas ostave belešku mehaničarima sa
opisom problema, a pred sledeći let
mehaničari ostave odgovor šta su uradili.
Inače, Quantas je jedina svetska avio-
kompanija kojoj nikad nije pao avion.
Zahtev: Leva guma skoro treba da bude
zamenjena.
Izveštaj: Leva guma skoro zamenjena.
Z: Nešto se otkačilo u kabini.
I: Nešto smo zakačili u kabini.
Z: Autopilot sam gubi visinu za po 200 stopa
po minuti.
I: Nismo uspeli da ponovimo problem na
zemlji.
Z: Tragovi curenja na levom stajnom trapu.
I: Tragovi obrisani.
Z: Zvuk iz DME instrumenta glasan da ne
poveruješ.
I: Zvuk iz DME instrumenta podešen na nivo u
koji možeš poverovati.
Z: IFF instrument neoperativan.
I: IFF instrument je uvek neoperativan kad je
isključen.
Z: Sumnjamo na pukotinu u vetrobranskom
staklu.
I: Sumnjamo da ste upravu.
Z: Nema motora broj 3.
I: Vizuelnim pregledom letelice pronađen
motor na levom krilu.
Z: Avion smešno reaguje na komande.
I: Avion upozoren da se uozbilji.
Z: Čudan zvuk iz instrument-table, kao da neki
patuljak udara čekićem.
I: Patuljku oduzet čekić.
Jedna udata žena je nešto ranije otišla sa posla jednog petka, ali umesto da ode kući, provela je vikend zabavljajući se sa
prijateljicama. Kada se konačno vratila kući u nedjelju uveče, muž joj je jako zamjerio i u
tome je bio nepokolebljiv.
Nakon poprilične vriske i dernjave, muž je zastao i ponudio joj sledeće: Kako bi bilo da me ne vidiš narednih nekoliko dana ???
Žena nije mogla vjerovati, nasmješila se i rekla: To bi bilo sasvim u redu !
Ponedeljak je prošao, a muža nije vidjela.
Utorak i srijeda takođe prođoše, a da ga nije vidjela. Dođe i četvrtak, otok je malo splasnuo i mogla ga je vidjeti krajičkom lijevog oka...
Mujo po prvi put putuje avionom. Sav je u frci i muka mu je. Stjuardesa primjecuje da ima nagon za povracanjem i kaze:
S: Nemojte molim vas, sada cu vam donijeti kesu!
Mujo se jedva suzdrzava da se ne izbljuje.
Stjuardesa donosi kesu i odlazi ispracena pogledom zahvalnosti. Dolazi poslije kratkog vremena i zatice cijeli avion izbljuvan i sve putnike u jadnom stanju.
S: Pa zaboga sta ste to uradili, jesam vam dala kesu?
M: Ma jesi, al' sam je ja brzo napunio i kad se avion
zaljuljo htjelo se prosut' pa sam malo otpio a onda su ovi oko mene poceli..
Žena se vraća kući kasno noću, tiho otvara vrata spavaće sobe, podiže prekrivač sa kreveta i vidi četiri noge, uzima bejzbol palicu i udara preko prekrivača što jače nekoliko puta, odlazi u kuhinju po piće kad tamo vidi svog supruga koji joj kaže:
-Tvoji roditelji su nam došli u posetu, dao sam im naš krevet, nadam se da si ih već pozdravila.
Pita mali ciga mamu: Mogu da sisam sisu?
Mama: Ne sine! Ti si sad veliki, dat će tebi mama pičke!
Kako seljanka naručuje kolu u diskoteci?
Dajte mi onaj sok u zeljezu što pršće u nos.
Dečko: Imam nešto da ti kažem.
Devojka: I ja tebi.
Dečko: Raskidamo.
Devojka: Trudna sam.
Dečko: Zajebi, ja sam prvi rek'o!
Upada lopov u autobus i izdere se iz sve snage:" Svi ruke uvis, ovo je pljačka!"
Čuje se glas iz zadnjeg dela autobusa:" Idi u pizdu materinu, isprepada me, ja mislio kontrola karata!"
- Šta je to crveno i jako štetno za
zube?
- Cigla.
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
