Article
-Konobar: Bitte?
-Mujo: ,,Ja ću jednu šniclenzi, cvaj pivenzi i jednu salatenzi.''''
Poslije donese konobar sve što je Mujo tražio.
I onda kaže Mujo Hasi:
- ,,Vidiš Haso kako je dobro kad znaš pričat njemački, a na to će konobar:
-,,POJEO BI TI GOVNENZI DA JA NISAM IZ TUZLE.!!
Zaskocio Mujo Fatu, moli je da mu ga popuši, ali ona nece, pa nece! Tad Mujo upotrebi zadnji adut:
- Fato, ali to je dobro za tvoje zube!!
Fata se na to smilova, popuši mu i na kraju ode do ogledala u kupatilu. Vraca se u sobu razocarana i veli:
- Mujo, ništa se nije desilo mojim zubima, nisu ni bijelji, ni ljepši, ni sjajniji?!?
- Da, ali si ih sacuvala..
Razgovaraju dvije rode:
- 'Kamo letiš?'
- 'Danas ću obradovati jedan par koji već deset godina pokušava imati djecu. A ti?'
- 'Ja idem u samostan kod časnih sestara. Nikad im ništa ne nosim, idem ih malo isprepadati!'
Đuro je pozvao svoju mamu na ručak.
Za vrijeme rucka majci nije promaklo da je Đurin cimer Pero jako zgodan i misićav.
Ona je već dulje sumnjala da su njih dvojica nesto vise od cimera, pa je upitala Đuru da li je to istina.
Đuro je uvjeravao majku da su oni samo cimeri i nista više od toga.
Tjedan dana kasnije Pero upita Đuru:
- Jesi li vidio onu lijepu grabilicu za juhu? Nema je otkad je tvoja mama bila ovdje na ručku. Nije ju valjda ona uzela?
Đuro nije u to ni sumnjao, ali je ipak majci poslao mail:
- Draga mama, ne kazem da si ti "uzela" ili da "nisi uzela" grabilicu za juhu, ali fakat, od kad si bila kod nas, nigdje je nema.Pozdrav, Đuro.
Par dana poslije Đuro dobije majčin odgovor:
- Dragi Đuro, ja ne kazem da ti "spavas" ili da "ne spavas" s Perom, ali fakat, da on spava u svom krevetu, već bi odavno pronašao grabilicu za juhu.
Mužu je rođendan i žena ga pita šta bi želio kao poklon. Muž će:
- Pušku.
- Ne, puška nikako!
- Ipak, ja bih pušku...
- Rekla sam ti, puška NE!
- Ali ja bih pušku.
- Poslušaj me i odaberi nešto drugo!
- Ipak, ja želim pušku.
- Rekla sam ti, puška nikako! Pa, jebote - ko ovdje odlučuje, a?!
- Ti. Ali, kad bih imao pušku...
Zaposlio se Sakib u auto-salonu u Njemackoj... i prvi dan on na poslu, dodjose neki Japanci, odma njima Sakib proda 10 auta.. drugi dan Sakib na pos'o, dodjose nakvi Arapi, tušne njima Sakib 15 auta.. gleda šef, ništa mu nije jasno. pridje on Sakibu..
-Sakibe boga ti kako ti ova auta ovako prodajes?
--ma šefe imam ja veza po cijelom svijetu, nema ko me ne zna, ja sam vam čak dobar i s papom...
- ma daj Sakibe ne zajebaji, čuj dobar s papom...
--ma boga mi mog šefe... evo opklada po 10.000 eura da odemo u vatikan i vdjećete da znam papu...
- hajd važi..
odu oni u vatikan, kaže Sakib šefu..
-šefe vi stanite ovdje na trg, ja ću izać gore s njim na balkon i mahnuti vam odozgo, to je dovoljan dokaz da ga znam...
udje sakib unutra, kad nije prošlo 5 minuta izlazi Sakib s papom na balkon i maše odozgo... sidje dole kad šef pao u nesvijest... poljeva ga sakib vodom, doziva ga.. jestel' dobro šefe, šta je bilo... vako - nako..
kaže šef: ''ma sve je bilo u redu, i kad si izaš'o s njim na balkon i mahao, al u po' frke kuca mene lik po ramenu, i pita: A IZVINITE KO JE ONAJ LIK SA SAKIBOM?
Pročitao Mujo knjigu "Budi gazda u svojoj kući"
Otišao u kuhinju i stao pred Fatu.
Upro joj je prst u facu i oštro rekao:
Znaj da sam ja gazda u ovoj kući i moja je riječ zadnja!!!!
Večeras ćeš napraviti dobru večeru i kad pojedem, idu dobri
kolači.
Zatim idemo u spavaću sobu i jebemo se onako kako ja hoću...
Onda ćeš mi spremiti kupku da se fino opustim.
Oprat ćeš mi ledja i obrisati me, a onda donijeti pidžamu!
Nakon toga izmasirat ćeš mi stopala i ruke!
I... pogodi, tko će me obući i počešljati kad sve to bude
obavljeno?
- Neko iz pogrebnog, pizda ti materina !!! vikne Fata
Previous article:
Interview with ... ( Girl ) ! + picture (13 years ago)
Next article:
HELP HELP HELP MY E-SIM FRIENDS!!! (12 years ago)
About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
