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''Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo'' said Mr Blue as he walked across the street. His dog, mr berry, went to the icecream shop and bought a pie. Then a blue flappery thing in a bubble stole the mushroom and a old lady turned into a cream cheese flavoured biscuit and was eaten by a number ...
My friend Fred is a real talker. One time, he went to the store aand saw this really ugly girl and started drooling because, see, he's got this thing for super ugly girls and women. So he went over and started babbling on and on about pie and cheese. Then he bought a packet of crisps and through them in the girls face...
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in pick-up trucks.
This was done in an effort to determine, when accidents occured, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of crashes were, "Oh, Shit".
Only the state of Montana was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were:
"Hold my beer and watch this!"
Q: What's a blonde's favorite wine?
A: "Daddy! can I go to Miami!
Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: She turned it over and used the other side.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: There are some things even a blonde won't do.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: Why do blondes look up and smile at lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline!
Q: Why do blondes have square breasts?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box!
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q: Why can't blondes count to 70?
A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.
Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
A: Some traffic signs say stop.
Q: What did the blonde customer say to the waitress when reading her nametag?
A: "Mary... that's cute. What did you name the other one?"
Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A: The noise gave her a headache.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.
Q: What do blondes say after sex?
A: "Thanks, guys!"
Q: What should you give an elf who wants to be taller?
A: Elf raising flour.
* * *
A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The barman looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.
"Tiny" replies the man.
"Why's that?" asks the bartender.
"Because he's my newt!"
* * *
Q: What carries round a sack and bites people?
A: Santa Jaws
* * *
A Plane was flying through the jungle when suddenly the engine stalled. The pilot ejected and drifted gently down to land. Unfortunately he landed in a large cooking pot which was gently simmering over a low fire.
All the local tribesmen turned to look at him until the chief, blinking in disbelief asked, "What's this flier doing in my soup?"
* * *
Q: What soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
A: Seasoned troopers.
* * *
Two fisherman are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea. "What's this?" asked the first fisherman, "It looks as if someone is drowning!"
"No," explained the second fisherman, "It's just a little wave."
* * *
Q: What's an Eskimo's favorite song?
A: Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow!
* * *
Q: Where does Tarzan buy his clothes?
A: At a Jungle Sale!
* * *
First Man: I bet I can make you speak like a Red Indian?
Second Man: How?
First Man: Told you I could.
* * *
Q: Why is perfume so obedient?
A: Because it's scent everywhere it goes.
tl;dr : These jokes are bad.
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
