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Smack


Redactor

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Fear Not (Old article)
Posted 7 years ago by
Smack    
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Dear my fellow Britains.

I come to you with sad news today, very sad news for our beloved nation. I am currently in hiding. I cannot say where for my own safety, but it is with a heavy heart that I must publicise this. On the 5th of October, Solyboly sent his hired goons to abduct me so he could win the race uncontested.


Solymir's hired goons.

But fear not. My loyal followers fought off the disgraceful invaders, and whisked me to safety, using all their knowledge and skills to protect me from Solymir's thugs.


Task Force Black standing proudly after securing me in my hideout.

Due to this assault and attempted abduction, I and several of my supporters were unable to vote in the elections. As the elections were lost by 1 vote, it is clear that these strong-arm intimidation tactics were used to secure victory in an election Solymir knew he could not win. A voter wished to remain anonymous, but reported this:

I wanted to vote for Smack when I went to vote. He was clearly the best candidate around, and was friendly to everyone and tried his best to help anyone who came to him. Solymir... He just seems to intimidate everyone. He didn't want to rebuild our empire either. I went to vote, and this huge man, easily 6"5 gave me a slip with Solymir already ticked. I was about to say I wasn't voting Solymir, when he glared at me dangerously, leaned in close and said "You just did." I was afraid for my life, so I gave in the slip and went home. I was petrified what Solymir's hired thugs would have done to me and my young daughter.


As you can see people. Solymir is dangerous. He is not out to rebuild our empire, and is staying in power via using strong arm tactics to control people.



Ranflax

This is Ranflax. You've all seen him around. He is the most dangerous man around. He cares nothing for your feelings and wants. He doesn't care if you feel pain. He is the mastermind behind Solymir's rise to power, and all the thugs and hooligans report directly to him. He doesn't care about hurting and killing to get his way, and he enjoys murdering helpless kittens to bathe in their blood before a shower. Do not approach him. Do not anger him. He will have you killed. (Banned.)

I am starting the underground movement against these thugs. Remember me. I shall always be here, I shall fight the good fight. These thugs will not stop me from doing what is right for the British Empire!

~ Smack
Supreme Overlord of the UK

Previous article:
My Cabinet - Screw you Soly-Boly (7 years ago)

Next article:
Thugs, Thugs Everywhere! (7 years ago)

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