Article
By: White House Press Secretary --
Shylock
Official Soundtrack: Learn to Walk Like An Egyptian.
Unofficial Soundtrack:Nothing Else Matters - Metallica
A Word From the Press Secretary:
It isn’t often you get to write for a government paper -- and get away with the content I’ve concocted. It usually seems that people expect some sort of rigid “This is srs bsns” attitude coming from the official newspaper of our nation. I personally don’t see why this is necessary, it’s our responsibility as appointed individuals to ensure that our population is taken care of in our particular field. My field happens to be in media, and I am here to provide material for other writers in our nation. Whether or not you utilize what I provide is another thing -- but I strive to aid you in any manner.
Even if that calls for fining you 500 USD and potential imprisonment.
Your friend,
Shylock
White House Press Secretary
A New Emphasis on Education
One of our hard teachers at work! Informing the populace of basic math!
Education has become a major concern for our supreme leader, Malik Ibrahim Khaled over the last few days. Seeing troops die because they couldn’t open a child-proof morphine bottle was rather saddening. So, to counter the lack of knowledge our troops are currently equipped with - our President has decided to invest an ungodly amount of gold in education, so that we might have hope in destroying the Portuguese menace once and for all.
This new education program is of course enhanced with the glories of government propaganda (i.e. the truth) and spreads the glory of our grand Malik. In a discussion with the WHPR, Secretary of Misinformation, Feefaroni states that “When we began to invoke the name of Khaled Ibrahim, students began to listen. When students began to listen, test scores began to increase.”. Despite a recent report of cheating (may I remind you it was censored to the fullest degree), the knowledge gained by this program is very, very, valuable and in addition to support by our allies -- we were able to push the Portuguese off their precious Azores Islands.
If you'd like to teach new citizens how to open morphine bottles, kill Portuguese, and run a business click the giant button below! If you can't see it, you are rather blind. That is all.
Hawaii: Missing in Action and a Future Home For Americans.
Despite massive expenditures on random cartographers and numerous cruises in the Pacific, the Hawaiian Islands have yet to be found. The majority believe that the Creator God, Admin, is angry at the United States for whatever reason and has sunk the islands. This is not the case. After spending 129.8M$ on a new satellite array, we have discovered that the islands are still there. They are just not highlighted nor are individuals allowed to live in that region.
Seeing as the Islands exist and such, we are preparing massive ships to colonize the previously uninhabitable islands. We will need volunteers to move to these new islands and establish a port, several plantations, and a beach resort for the Malik. You will receive fifty acres of land, which may or may not be on an active volcano.
However, if you don’t wish to be an indentured servant, you can buy an acre of land for 50USD . Seeing as there are over 6,995,440 acres of land in Hawaii, you could purchase just about any setting you want!
Come to Hawaii today and fund our leader’s harem fund!
Allies Worth Having
Ally : [v] to combine or unite a resource or commodity with (another) for mutual benefit.
The words "combine", "unite", and "mutual benefit" are very common place in Sigma. It doesn't take much to see that we are one of the most highly organized alliances in the world at the moment. Our leaders coordinate and plan wars and treaties that allow Sigma to continue it's domination of ALPHA-oriented nations. Recently, China wiped Indonesia and Sweden reclaimed massive amounts of territory from the Lithuanians and spread into it's Scandinavian neighbors. The United States is in the process of maintaining it's foothold in the Azores.
Sigma has grown quite significantly since our liberation from Russia and the Polish-occupation of Russia. So, being overly formal here, I'd like to thank the following countries for their contributions to the United States and it's allies and award a "ribbon" of sorts for our allies.
USA 63,670,280
Spain 31,995,876
China 17,566,990
Poland 13,800,428
Mexico 9,391,409
Sweden 9,369,876
United Kingdom 7,683,822
Pakistan 6,543,766
Greece 5,742,312
Ireland 3,977,680
Ukraine 3,829,153
Serbia 2,715,479
Slovenia 2,164,124
Turkey 1,467,637
Malaysia 1,257,525
Republic of Macedonia 1,163,699
Argentina 865,565
Norway 826,040
AND OF COURSE, OUR GREATEST ALLY AND FRIEND, PORTUGAL
Portugal 753,042
InsaneParrot
Department of Misinformation Web
Doyou have individual thoughts? Do you believe that you know what is bestfor your country? Think again! The Emir always knows best -- but the Emir has forced a poor scribe named
Feefaroni to write a guide on how to play the game in a manner best suited for you!
Click the banner above this text! (which can be read by a blind camel)
Operation Malnutrition
While the Malik personally would not care if you died of hunger, his top advisers (now deceased) informed him that a malnourished population produced 100% more items than a dead population. So, Khaled decided that it would be a great thing too have a government program to feed the hungry and to keep away those pesky Western internet activists.
To get your scraps of bread, click the banner above (which coincidentally can also be read by a blind camel)
The Malik’s Writing Prize
Seeing as we are an accepting (and slightly overarching) goverment, we are offering prizes to the more intelligent members of our society (to entice them into revealing themselves.) This will be very similar to last month’s “Pulitzer Prize” -- but the Malik thought it best if we got rid of that Hungarian-American and instead replaced the namesake with a more intelligent person (i.e. our great leader, Khaled Ibrahim)
We will be offering 5 Gold prizes to:
a) The most interesting and captivating rebel.
Bonus Prize: Brain Hemmorage.
b) The most loyal and endearing article to the regime.
Bonus Prize: Monthly writer’s stipend.
Special Report: Petoria
Seeing as Kazeal has been on my ass about not writing one of these last issue, I would like to present to you our "Nation Information" segment.
Petoria is a fictional nation located in the satirical show entitled"Family Guy". It's fearless leader, Peter Griffin has been known to hang out with the "undesirables" of the world and continues to dominate his local neighborhood. Petoria is located within the United States and is so small that it doesn't actually show up on the map. Petoria is currently unaligned with the major powers -- but plans on joining Sigma.
We do not currently have an Ambassador in Petoria, we are sorry
That is all,
Shylock
Certified Scribe, NWO
Khaled Ibrahim
Emir, The Leader of the Righteous Path.
Previous article:
WHPR 6/5: We Ain't Wasting Any Time (14 years ago)
Next article:
WHPR 6/15 Musical Chairs (13 years ago)
About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
