Article
ocalic moja noge? - Jasne. Tu stoi, w bance z formalina.
Portiernia akademika : - A ty mlody czlowieku do kogo? - Mi tam
obojetne mam dwie flaszki
Co powiedziala blondynka ogladajac film porno?
- O! To ja!
- Janie!
- Slucham Pana.
- Czy mozesz przysunac tu fortepian?
- Tak Panie. Bedzie Pan gral?
- Nie, ale zostawilem tam cygaro.
Polak, Rusek i Niemiec dostali od diabla zadanie: wytresowac psa.
Kazdy dostal worek kielbasy, psa i dwa tygodnie na tresure. Po tym
czasie odbywa sie sprawdzian. Wchodzi Niemiec, chudy jak patyk,
wymeczony, niewyspany, pies nazarty jak bania. Niemiec podaje
komendy: siad, lapa, pros, lezec... Pies wykonuje pieknie kazde
polecenie. Diabel chwali Niemca. Po chwili wchodzi Rusek w podobnym
do Niemca stanie - wychudzony, wycienczony. Pies gruby jak swinia,
poslusznie wykonuje wszystkie polecenia: siad, lapa, pros, lezec...
Diabel chwali Ruska. Wreszcie wchodzi Polak. Nazarty, wypasiony,
wyluzowany. A pies - szkoda gadac: skóra i kosci. Diabel z pyskiem
na Polaka: - Ty durniu, zezarles cala kielbase!!! No i czego
nauczyles psa? A Polak tylko wycelowal palcem w psa i mówi: - Proś!
A pies: - Proooszeee......
Dwóch facetów lowi ryby. Jednemu z nich biora co chwile, a drugi
tylko moczy kije w wodzie. Ten pechowy wreszcie nie wytrzymal:
- Prosze mi powiedziec, na jaka przynete pan lowi?
- Lapie na pastylki na syfilis - zadrwil ten drugi.
Pechowy zostawia sprzet na brzegu i pedzi do apteki.
- Poprosze 4 opakowania pastylek na syfilis.
- A co, zlapal pan? - zainteresowal sie zyczliwie aptekarz.
- Jeszcze nie, ale znam super miejsce!
Policjant zatrzymuje w krzakach srajacego mezczyzne i mówi:
- Prosze pana tu nie wolno srac, placi pan kare w kwocie 5 zl
- Ale ja mam tylko 10zl
- To niech pan idzie rozmienic
Chlop wychodzi z krzaków i krzyczy:
- Eee, Zdzisiek choc sie wysrac ja stawiam!
Idzie dziecko 7 letnie z ojcem a przed nimi idzie dwóch policjantów
z psem.
Nagle chlopiec podchodzi do pieska i zaglada mu pod brzuch.
Policjant zdziwiony pyta:
- Co sie tak przygladasz temu pieskowi?
- A bo tatus powiedzial, ze idzie piesek z dwoma chujami.
Po mszy Jasio mówi do ksiedza:
- Panskie kazanie bylo zajebiste.
- Synu nie mozesz tak mówic.
- Ale Panskie kazanie bylo naprawde zajebiste.
- Synu opamietaj sie póki mozesz!
- Bylo tak zajebiste, ze postanowilem dac 1000 zl na kosciól.
- Pierdolisz.
Bandyta wpada do tramwaju i krzyczy:
- Nie ruszac sie, to jest napad!
Jakis pasazer z ulga:
- Kurwa, ale żeś mnie pan wystraszyl juz myslalem, ze to kanary.
Jest Rus, LItwin i Polak.
Znalezli skrzynie jablek.
Musieli sie jakos podzielic.
Polak mówi:
kto wymysli wierszyk bierze jablko.
Rus mówi:
Mickiewicz pisze piekne wiersze,
wiec wezme jablko pierwsze.
Litwin mówi:
Mickiewicz pisze wiersze dlugie,
wiec wezme jablko drugie.
Polak mówi:
A huj Wam wszystkim w dupe,
biore jablek całą kupe.
Sa trzy sklepy.
Jeden jest Polaka, drugi Ruska i trzeci Niemca.
Do sklepu Ruska przychodzi diabel i mówi:
- Chce kupic 3 kilo nihuja, a jak nie masz to cie zabije.
Rusek szuka ale nie znalazl, wiec go zabil.
Nastepnie idzie do Niemca i mówi:
- Chce kupic 3 kilo nihuja, a jak nie masz to cie zabije.
Niemiec szuka, ale tez nie znalazl, wiec go zabil.
Idzie do Polaka i mówi:
- Chce kupic 3 kilo nihuja, a jak nie masz to cie zabije.
Polak szuka,mysli, grzebie na pólkach i w koncu mówi do diabla:
- Diabel choc ze mna na chwile.
Zaprowadzil go do piwnicy, zgasil swiatlo i mówi:
- Widzisz cos?
- Nihuja
- To bierz 3 kilo i spierdalaj!
Previous article:
NR.1 (13 years ago)
About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
