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9
English Jokes : Set 02 (Fun)
Posted 2 years ago by
iGheevar    
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Day : 2238
Location : London
Vol/Issue : Just For Fun/0002
Article : 00006

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Worldwide Fun


This is the second part of the series 'Worldwide fun' which was introduced earlier this month, just for making you all laugh or atleast a make smile on your face. Don't forget to vote and subscribe!..

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Funny English Jokes


Computers and smart phones were invented to save our time

I gave my father $100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.”

So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

A lady was driving on the freeway when the sight of flashing lights in her rearview mirror made her pull over.

“Do you know why I stopped you?” asked the state trooper. “You were going 85 miles per hour.”

“Impossible,” she argued. “I had my cruise control set at 82!”

After a rough day spent corralling my rowdy kids, I’d had enough.

“I think I’m going to sell them,” I hissed to my sister.

“You’re crazy,” she said.

“For thinking of selling them?”

“For thinking someone would buy them.”

I was not thrilled with the idea of letting my clueless 13-year-old son babysit his younger sisters, even though he begged me to.

“What about a fire?” I asked, referring to my No. 1 concern.

“Mom,” he said, rolling his eyes, “I’m a Boy Scout. I know how to start a fire.”


“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink.

As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

My cousin was in love and wanted to introduce his bride-to-be to his hypercritical mother. But in order to get an unbiased opinion, he invited over three other female friends as well and didn’t tell his mom which one he intended to marry.

After the four women left, he asked his mother, "Can you guess which one I want to marry?"

"The one with short hair."

"Yes! How’d you know?"

"Because that’s the one I didn’t like."

"Grandpa, why don't you have any life insurance?"

"So you can all be really sad when I die."

My friend thinks he is so smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"

Johnny: "Seven."

Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"

Johnny: "Seven."

Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"

Johnny: "Six."

Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"

Johnny: "Seven!"

Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"

Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"


I’d never had surgery, and I was nervous. “This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure,” the anesthesiologist reassured me.

I felt better, until … “Heck,” he continued, “you have a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery itself.”

It’s all a matter of viewpoint. 250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. Fat? No. I’m just not on the right planet.

"How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?"

"Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack."

Why did I get divorced?

Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday.

As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said.

She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth... After that, everything else was made in China.


I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!”

"When everything’s coming your way, perhaps you’re in the wrong direction on the highway"

A child asked his father, "How were people born?"

So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."

The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"

His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

"Is Google male or female?"

"Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion."

"Why do bees hum?"

"They don't remember the text!"




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Final Challenge


Find the cat in this picture. Vote and comment if you found it!..



Happy Weekend!..

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Próximamente : Spanish Jokes : Set 01


Coming Soon : Top 3 Series


Hasta la vista, baby!..


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