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English Jokes : Set 01 (Fun)
Posted 2 years ago by

Day : 2217
Loction : London
Vol/Issue : Just For Fun/0001
Article : 00004


Worldwide Fun

I am planning to come out with an awesome series of articles full of jokes and funny stuffs, just for making you all laugh or atleast a make smile on your face and this article is the first one in the series. In the coming days, I will be posting similar articles in other languages too. I hope Google will do a good job in translating. The first set of jokes in english is published below along with a funny challenge at the end. Don't forget to vote and subscribe!..


Funny English Jokes

Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.

“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”

“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.

“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”

A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”

The hypnotherapist shakes his head. “Not again …”

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”

The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know that woman!"

What do politicians and diapers have in common?

Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.

Don’t be sad when a bird craps on your head. Be happy that elephants can’t fly.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.

One Christmas, my grandfather gave me a box of broken glass. He gave my brother a box of Band-Aids and said, “You two share.”

Why is women’s soccer so rare?

It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.

The rules of football and the plot of The Godfather are the two most complicated things that every guy understands no matter how dumb he is.

A naked women robbed a bank. Nobody could remember her face.

Don't know where your kids are in the house?

Turn of the internet and they will show up quickly.

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

I think it’s pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.

Bifocals are God’s way of saying, “Keep your chin up.”

The biggest change after having kids was putting a swear jar in the house. Whenever I say a bad word, I have to put a dollar in the jar, and at the end of every month, I take all that money and buy myself a nice steak for being such a cool dad.

The cool part about naming your kid is you don’t have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.

The holiday season is a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in our own way, by going to the mall of our choice.

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.

The closest I’ve been to a diet this year is erasing food searches from my browser history.

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.


Final Challenge

Try this, if you are so genius!..

Happy Weekend!..


End of fourth article

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UK News Update (2 years ago)

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UK News Update (2 years ago)

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