Article
老爸忧伤地说：“说好了一起到白头，你却在半路焗了油。
2. 隔夜的豆浆老妈早晨热给我喝，我问：“隔夜的豆浆喝了不会拉肚子吧？”
老妈说：“你就放心大胆地拉吧！”
3. 周末在家宅一天了，老妈回来看我头朝床尾趴着还没吃饭，便去做了碗面给我端过来，见我捧着手机没有去接的意思，便蹲下来朝地上一放，然后摸了摸我的头说：“来，吃吧。”
我嬉笑着假装生气：“老妈，你喂狗呢，我又不是狗。”
老妈微微一笑说道：“谁说你不是？单身狗！”
4. 老师：“如何形容一个人很丑，但又不能太直接呢？”
小明：“这是一个看脸的时代，而你不属于这个时代。”
5. 哥们曾有一女闺蜜，一直没有男朋友。她偷偷告诉我她不孕,不想害了别人。我失恋那天她陪我喝醉了，我们在宾馆住了一晚。现在，看着满月的儿子，我总会忍不住对他说“你妈就是个骗子！”
6. 朋友开小卖部的，前两天一和尚，来买了瓶洗发水和两罐啤酒，我朋友好奇，就问和尚：酒肉穿肠过，佛主心中留，大师您这洗发水用不到吧？和尚：哦，这我媳妇用的。朋友心中感慨，大师就是大师！
7. 我老婆特别迷西游记，相信世上有女儿国，天天跟我讲女儿国的水有多神奇，一喝就能怀孕。有一天我出差回来老婆说她怀孕了，我说我出差这么久怎么可能？她说，那天我渴了。我说，你喝了女儿国的水？她说，不是的，那天我口渴了，到隔壁老王家要了杯水喝。
8. 晚上去吃小吃，迎面走来一对情侣。男的弱弱的说：媳妇儿～下雨了，要不咱明天再来吧！女的霸气的说：来，躲到老娘胸下面来，我来给你挡雨。 ……
9. 晚上准备跟老公缠绵…… 老公突然说：亲爱的，把空调关了吧，你懂的，热胀冷缩…… 我想了想：嗯嗯，，还是开着吧，热胀冷缩！
10. 我家孩子多，小时候，母亲在家务农，父亲在外上班，一年回家几天，每次回家，我们就一窝蜂的围住爸爸，我们大包小包帮爸爸拎进屋，在我们渴望的眼神中，爸爸抓起一把糖往院子一扔，接着说：孩子们，我压着你妈，你们快去抢糖。
11. 问：暗恋她好久了，不知道该不该表白？
答：喜欢就去追啊，说不定人家正等着拒绝你呢！
12. 小明：“爸，我长大要是有钱了就买驾飞机天天开飞机送你上班！”
老爸：“你都有钱买飞机了还TM让我去上班！老子打死你！”
13. 今天去相亲，点了几个菜，其中有一盘糖醋鲤鱼。我一看价格：32元。
突然想到：我第一次相亲时，一盘糖醋鲤鱼才八块钱...
14. 一少妇倒垃圾，不小心滑倒在垃圾堆里，正要爬起，被一捡破烂的老头搂在怀里，老头感慨的说：城里人就是不会过日子，这么好的媳妇说不要就不要了
15. 老公发工资了，拿回家准备讨好老婆。
就对他的老婆说：“亲爱的，我发工资了。亲我一下钱归你了。”
老婆迟迟无动于衷。老公见老婆没有反应。
又喊了一句：“你要是再不来我就去找人伺候我了，把钱都给她了。”
老婆淡淡地回了一句：“你要是敢去，这些钱你是怎么花的，我就怎么赚回来。”
16. 青年跋涉深山，历经险阻，终于找到了隐居山中的禅师，他迫不及待地问道：“我长得丑，我该怎么办？”
“长得丑就应该像我一样。”
青年点点头：“心如止水，独善其身？”
“不，长得丑就要像我一样赶紧找个深山躲起来。”
17.刚才去楼下买水，刚掏出五块钱，一阵风刮跑了，到处找没找到。于是我很淡定的又掏出五块钱，故意扔掉，看看风往哪里刮…… 于是我丢了十块……
18. 刚才洗完袜子和内裤，去了躺厕所，回来时，看到舍友正在拿着我的内裤一直嗅！我很害怕，就在这时，这货来了句：操，你又他妈用我洗衣液。
19. 姚明夫妇请郭敬明吃饭，姚明出门前告诫叶莉说：不准穿裙子！
20. “亲爱的，我是你的什么啊”
“你是我的加多宝啊！”
“草泥马，老娘除了给你降火就没有其他的用处了吗！”
21. 今天跟朋友逛街，有一个大美女，牵了四条小金毛，特别惹眼！我都看呆了！这时候我朋友推了我一下：“喊她！她包掉了！”我一愣，随即叫道：“哎！那个狗贩子！你钱包掉啦！！”
22. 我闺蜜是个女汉，她每天都很苦恼为毛自己不是个男人。。有一天我去她家吃饭她抽风了就跟她麻麻说：“我想去做变性手术。”我以为她麻麻会疯，结果她麻麻无比淡定的来了一句：“挖坑容易种树难。。。”
23. 吊丝：女神，周末有空吗？
女神：忙！
吊丝：周末你忙啥呀？
女神：没想好
24.楼主比较胖，上次跟朋友去泰国旅游骑大象，朋友担心地说：“大象受得了你的体重吗？”
我说：“那可是大象哎，怎么可能受不了？”说完就骑上去了，回头得意的说：“怎么样不是很顺利吗？”
朋友点点头：“是很顺利，只不过你骑上去的时候大象腿软了一下。。。”
软了一下。。。关键旁边导游怕我生气，连忙安慰我：“没关系，你是我看过第一个让大象脚软的人！！”
25. 坐火车回家，旁边坐了一个大叔，跟他聊的很投缘，下火车后有人开车来接他，我也搭了个顺风车，回家跟老妈炫耀我没花钱就回家，结果老妈说：“闺女啊，你可别仗着长得丑啥事都敢做啊，万一碰上个瞎子可咋办……”
26. 昨晚火锅，今天基友痔疮患了，陪他去看，结果医生是个女的还挺漂亮，检查时叫基友趴床上把菊花放出来。这货害羞有点扭捏，医生说了句话：我看过的屁股比你吃过的饭都多，赶紧的……
27. 老师：“谁能分清水牛和黄牛？”
小明：“水牛是哞。。。哞。。”
老师：“那黄牛呢？”
小明：“要票吗？北京的，广州的。。。”
老师：“坐下。”
28. 我一同事结婚两年未怀上，上月去租房，房东说他的房子很喜庆，上一个租客没住多久就怀孕了。今天同事跟我说老婆怀上了，怪了。
29. 老婆对老公说：“我跟着你就没坐过超过20万的车。”老公带着老婆去工地上和老婆在挖掘机驾驶室里蹲了一天，老公问：“媳妇你激动不？这车140多万。”
30.一日，楼主看完穿越小说后，抬头望着天空道，“上帝呀，能不能也让我穿越下，我不需要后宫佳丽三千，只要一个漂亮的老婆，不需要能文能武，只要有个能打的兄弟，不需要家财万贯，只需要一个小房子。”突然一道雷劈中了他，于是他就穿越了，醒来后看见一个绝代美女做在他的床头温声道，来，大郎喝了这碗汤吧！
Previous article:
中国历任国防部长放过的狠话 (10 years ago)
Next article:
中国进行沉船扶正 韩网友：果然办事效率快！ (10 years ago)
About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
