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女友： 你不是说从市中心到你家只要一首歌的时间吗？
我：是啊！ 就一首歌的时间。
女友：尼玛，串烧也算一首啊。。。
2、和男友牵手过马路的时候，他说“你手好凉啊。”
我说：“是啊，手凉没人疼啊！”
他说：“瞎说，我听老人们说手凉的人死得快。”
3、看电视上有个人痴呆了，好可怜，我问男友，如果有一天我痴呆了，你还喜欢我不？
二货男友来了句：啊？痴呆？跟你现在有什么区别么？
4、有个女孩子坐车，对我说：“师傅你知道什么是安全感吗？车子有油，手机有电，钱包有钱，这就是安全感。”
我说：“那车子有油没驾照，手机有电没话费，钱包有钱没对象，这还叫安全感吗？”
“停车！老娘要下车！！！”
5、晚上，男友突然问我，“老婆你的验孕棒还有吗？”
“还有一个，怎么了？”
“明早拿给我试一下吧，我感觉这段时间我肚子变大了！”
1、认识了一个外国的纹身师朋友，有一回带他去看京剧，他说：“卧艹，你们这边流行纹花脸啊！”
2、某女神追求者甚多，每天都有好多情书、电话、短信，她都婉言拒绝。
夜里，她躺在床上沉思，摸着自己肚子说到：“孩子你想姓啥，妈听你的！”
3、一哥们是汽车租赁公司的，一天中午去他公司闲转，我问他：“天天租车给别人，有遇到过奇葩的客人吗？”
这货看了看院子里，说：“那人一大早来租的车，到现在还没倒出去。”
4、经常去买鱼，一般鲫鱼在10块钱一斤，今天变十二了：“鱼价怎么涨的这么厉害”。
“因为烟价调了”。
“鱼价和烟价有毛线关系”。
“我这个卖鱼的、还有贩鱼的、养鱼的都要抽烟的”。
5、Pol.ice：老实交代，你当时做了啥。。
男子：当时去拜访李小姐，谈谈合作，她说很忙没时间和我谈，我就拍拍屁股走人了。。。
Pol.ice：要拍你拍你屁股啊！拍人家李李小姐屁股干嘛？
1、在公交车上被人搭讪无数次。比如前面的你下车吗？不下让让。。
2、小时候家里穷，长大后，我反而更怀念小时候的时光，因为我现在更穷。。。
3、其实大部分热衷于买彩票的人心里都很清楚，自己中500万的概率是多么的渺小，但他们更清楚，靠自己努力赚得500万的概率更小。。。
4、这是个令人尴尬的年龄，谈爱己老，谈……。
和年轻人一起谈经历太幼稚，和老年人一起谈人情世故不好，出去疯狂又怕吵。
任性说你扮成熟，沉默说你装清高，时尚说你有点妖，朴素说你有点老。
觉得上气不接下气了，刚想消极下，回头一看，上面有老，下还有小！
5、“你这人怎么这么怂！老是到处求人，你难道不知道求人不如求己吗？”
“知道，也求过了。”
6、看着面前这个已经脱光了等着我的人，我不经意间陷入了深深的沉思，我不想再这样消沉下去，不想当一个行尸走肉，心中大喊“这不是我想要的生活！”
突然一个声音把我拉回了现实：“小伙子，搓背！”
7、敲门声响起，我打开门一看，是多年没见的老同学，没想到他已经沦落到送快递的地步了。
他也吃惊地看着我，一声感叹：没想到你已经沦为看大门了。
1、《如梦令·宵夜》：吃着干锅牛蛙，眼盯葱爆腰花。抽两口中华，干掉啤酒两扎。老板，老板，再拍一盘黄瓜。
2、现代诗三首：《成功》：这辈子/干得最成功/的事情/就是/承认自己很失败
《凉嗖嗖》：冬天/坐在马桶上/拉屎/讨厌凉嗖嗖的感觉/所以/不妨憋到夏天再拉
《伯乐》：嗯/这马/真是牛
3、《天净沙·饿了》：剁椒鱼头烤鸭，糖醋排骨对虾，水煮肉片凤爪，肉串鸡架，溜肥肠炒豆芽。
4、女：“竹外桃花三两枝，宵夜整点什么吃？” 男：“书到用时方恨少，不如咱去吃烧烤。” 女：“少年不知愁滋味，烧烤价位有点贵。” 男：“长江后浪推前浪，要不改成麻辣烫？” 女：“在天愿作比翼鸟，干脆来家吃水饺。” 男：“明月几时有，饺子配小酒？” 女：“寒香解夜醉，喝完陪你睡。” 男：“OK。”
5、欲乘风归去，又恐体重不许。少小就胖老大肥，体重无减鬓毛衰。肥肉其减远兮，吾将上下而求瘦。安能摧眉折腰事肥肉，使我不得开心颜。上联：若有伴侣比我瘦，休怪枕下藏匕首。下联：若有闺密比我瘦，友谊大概已尽头。横批：瘦之吾幸，胖之吾命。
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
