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今天和老婆有点不开心,中午我买了半斤肉,一把四季豆,西红柿两,三个鸡蛋。让老婆做四季豆烧肉、西红柿炒蛋。然后我去看电视,老婆做饭,过一会吃中饭,一看就是一盘四季豆后西红柿,我问老婆肉和蛋没做啊,老婆说:“我做好,把肉和蛋挑出来吃完了!”

到高三了,班里有许多谈恋爱的,班主任也注意到了这点。在一次班会上,班主任说:男女同学之间,有点感情,那很正常,你们别亲热过了,最近要体验,别到时候咱们班再多出几个人来。

一哥们长得一般,前几天去相亲居然一次成功了,我就问他去之前是不是打扮过,谁知他摇头道:“没有,虽然我是打扮了一番去的,可见了面还是有点紧张,怕姑娘嫌我难看,所以我只好拿出一叠钱把脸挡着咯。。。”呃,好吧,新技能Get。。。

Pol。ice在广场旁边查酒驾,一哥们喝酒开车被警察扣住了。正要测酒精。。。那哥们机智的跑进广场舞人堆里跟着跳了起来。。。

Pol。ice过去一下就发现他了,因为他跟不上舞步,然后就把他带走了。。。

给旁边俩老头吓坏了: “妈呀,跳不好得被抓走啊!”


为了和女友求婚,假装学了相术,骗她看手相,然后含情脉脉的跟她说,看你的掌纹,你未来的老公是个绝世好男人,又帅气又有钱,嫁给他可以享一辈子清福。
女友啪的一下,怒脸相向:想TM分手就明说。。。

和女朋友逛商场,她看上一件衣服,我靠!1000多!

女朋友:亲爱的!你看我穿着漂亮吗?

我:一千多!就是狗穿上都漂亮!更何况你呢,漂亮!绝对漂亮!

女朋友:你丫的不想买,直说。说谁是狗呢!不买了,走!回家跟你没完!

嘿嘿!不买了,回家我当狗都行!


陪女友逛夜市,她在小摊上看中一件小东西,老板要价30,女友问:“能便宜点吗?”

老板不同意,女朋友讲价到20,“出来散步没带多少钱,就20。”

老板刚要同意,我在一边补充了一句:“我这还有钱啊。”

女友啪的一下,转身就走了,气得东西也不买了。

嘿嘿,一耳光20块,挺值的,我心里暗自偷乐道!

夜里,和女朋友躺在床上,她上网看衣服。不一会儿,她娇滴滴的对我说:亲爱的,我想要……

我立马脱光了,来吧!

女朋友一脚把我蹬下床,说到:尼玛!就知道这,我想买这件衣服!

我:不把大爷伺候舒服了,就不买!

女朋友:大爷!我来了,2分钟就能赚件1000多衣服,真特么划算!

超市购物,结账时收银员快速的将所有的东西扫描,结账装袋。

一边上看了和收银员讲:你们也太快了吧,我都没看见价格,就让我结账。

收银员讲:这收钱和打针道理一样的,速度快才不知道疼。

刚刚看完速7,热血沸腾的,回家路上一路兴奋,

前方遥远处发现一辆宝马,

超它!

又遇一辆卡宴。

超它!

路虎!超!

劳斯莱斯!超!

宾利继续超!

迈巴赫!不犹豫,超!超!超!

没办法有钱就是那么任性  。

后来交警过来叫住我问道:“前面堵车呢!你骑着个破自行车拼命的往前挤啥呀?刮哪个车你能赔起啊…”

那天坐公交,由于人有点多,没找到座位,就站在车后面,这时上来个秀气的美眉,一上来就对着我笑,还慢慢的向我走来,最后在我前面停住了,我的心跳起码飚到了120,车子开动了那美眉还时不时的往我怀里靠,我的心跳又加速了~~看来今天宝马车坏了果然不是坏事,老天是公平的,送我一场艳遇啊!正想着等下是不是约着去吃个饭饭什么的,然后那女的就甩了我一巴掌:色狼!然后就下车了!尼玛,我都没怎么她,怎么就色了?一想不对啊,往口袋一摸~~艹,苹果6果然不见了!

女儿过生日了,老婆问:乖女儿,今年生日想要啥礼物?

女儿讲:那就给我来一盒避孕药吧。

我诧异地瞪大了眼睛。

老婆问:你要那有何用处?

女儿回答:我已经有四个洋娃娃了,不想再要了。

同学妹妹考到了我们大学,同学打电话让我去接。在新生入学时,我去接站那妹子说了句话,让我惊了,她说:“学长,我有男朋友了。”

我尴尬地回道:“啊,我不会和你抢的。”

哈哈,我是有多想做作业啊。。。

小学时,有天写完家庭作业高高兴兴在院子里玩,同班的小姑娘笑嘻嘻走来,手上拿张纸条在我眼前一晃,说你走后数学老师又加了几道题,你不知道吧。我想起放学后背起书包就匆匆走了,急忙问她要纸条,她躲着不给就跑,我满院子追,快追到时候,她把纸条撕成沫沫了,我仿佛看到自己第二天少做题被罚站在教室门外,当时就哭了! 她看我来真格的,说刚骗我的,没有加题。我死活不信,揪着她要题。她拗不过就写了几道题给我然后跑开了。我擦干眼泪如获至宝回家补上。第二天下午,作业本发下来,加做的那几道题被老师用红笔圈起来,旁边一行字“没有布置”。

一天走在路上,身后一直尾随一个妹子,还很漂亮,当时楼主以为这妹子是看上我了,于是就问那个妹子:“美女,有什么需要帮忙的吗?”

完了那个妹子说:“不好意思,风太大,我只是想避避风……”

“老公,你知道今天是什么日子吗?”我去咋会突然问这问题,完了看来要出事。紧张的汗都出来了,说了一句不知道。于是老婆微微一笑说道“还好你不知道,今天是你小姨子的生日”。我擦这世界满满的都是坑啊!



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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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