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2、昨天在健身房，一胖子做仰卧起坐很吃力，求我帮忙推。推一次给我1块钱，我拒绝了；15块钱推10次，我也没答应。最后，胖子给了我30块钱，我替他做了20个仰卧起坐。他站旁边负责喊加油。我们还约了以后继续。
3、“完了，媳妇要跟我分手了。”“出什么事了。”“今天一回家，看到我那二货老婆穿着情趣内衣躺在床上一脸娇羞的样子，我就翻箱倒柜的找。”“找套啊？”“找老王。”
4、公司里来了个妹子，很漂亮的那种，我本着公司老员工要照顾新员工的精神上前问：你多大了，叫什么啊？妹子微笑仰头对我说：我叫紫嫣。我瞬间着迷了所以本着娱乐精神来了句：赵香炉是你妈妈？哎，不理我两天了。
5、一个平胸女家里要铺砖，因为质量不好，她爸和工头吵了起来，女生过来劝架，她爸：“正好你来了，快躺下！”爸爸指着女生吼道：“看见了嘛，这才叫平！你那地砖铺得也叫平？”！
6、地铁上听到两个人的对话：“哎，最近聚会怎么都没见你带非洲女朋友出来啊？闹别扭啦！”“嗨，别提了，冷战呢！”“怎了？”“也怪我，前阵子我随口说了句：“洗白白上床等着，人就往心里去了......”！
7、丈夫回家抓奸：“要是隔壁老王，我非打断他腿不可。”妻子听了松了一口气：“老张出来吧，不是说你。”
8、老板：我们公司有gay。于是老板就问我：是谁？我：你亲我一下就告诉你，么么哒。
9、在朋友圈闲逛看到表弟更新条动态内容如下：成功逃课网吧上网去！他爸给点了赞，不知道现在回家没。
10、我：我给你买了瓶香水，老婆。媳妇：多少钱？我：你陪我睡一觉就知道了。媳妇：400块？我是不是知道了什么？
11、手机掉马桶，用筷子夹，舍友看见了，跟我说：我什么都没看见，你慢慢吃……我说了一句：我吃过了啊，不！不是这样，你听我说。
12、刚从外地出差回来，一进门就看到老婆打儿子，儿子刷的一下躲到我后面。我很生气，问老婆怎么回事，老婆说：你儿子出息啊，考试填空题，三十（而立），四十（不惑）。你知道他填的啥？我说：三十如狼四十如虎？哈哈，我教他的～一个拖鞋飞过来。
13、老师：小明，中学生谈恋爱你怎么看？
小明：现在的女生一个月换几个男朋友，还说男人骗了他们的感情，骗了他们的心，说世界上的男人都是坏人。
老师：那你想对这些女生说些什么呢？
小明：对于这样的女生，我只想说四个字：请联系我！
老师：你给我滚出去！！！
14、明：老师我变个魔术给你看。老师：什么魔术？小明：我会让你忘记自己是一条狗。老师：我又不是狗。小明：你看，忘记了吧。老师：滚！
15、刚刚在蹲坑，厕所的隔板坏了，一大哥比我来的早，我蹲了十分钟见大哥还不走，我是个不喜欢当着别人面擦屁屁的人，又等了一会大哥终于忍不住拿起兜里的硬纸板擦完屁股一瘸一瘸的走了！这时候我终于松了一口气，拿出了裤兜里的砂纸擦完扶着墙出去了！！
16、双十一结束了，女朋友拿着刀大喊要剁手.我赶紧安慰她：“亲爱的，钱没了还可以赚，手没了就真的没了，你放心买我掏钱！”她这才满意的把刀从我手上拿开。
18、从公园经过，听见一女销魂的喊：老公，你快咬我啊！快！啊啊啊！然后纯洁的我拨开草丛，看见这女的坐在秋千上，这男的在后面摇她。失望到哥连午饭都不想吃。
19、有一次骑摩托载着朋友，跟一捷达撞上了，后来交警录口供，让我朋友叙述一下全过程，我朋友特迷茫的说：我不知道啊，我就听他大喊一声~我去，然后我就飞出去了
20、一日看见大师,便请求算一卦.“我这有钱有车,咋感觉那么空虚呢.”大师拿起打火机把我衣服点着了,我赶紧吹灭了“大师,你是说钱财是身外之物？"“我说你不吹会死.”
21、他带女友回家，路上轻轻跟她咬着耳朵：“待会儿，我要让你尝尝我的看家本领……”“讨厌，人家不来啦！”女友娇羞地说。到了家门口，他立刻张开双臂挡在门前，大声说：“就不让你进去！”
22、女的紧紧抱住男的腰…男的这时候已经累了一身汗…已经没有力气了……男：不行了，受不了了，好累啊，女：不嘛，老公人家还要，再大力一点，再快一点嘛，我想你带我一起飞……男：滚特么犊子，爱坐不坐，骑着自行车还那么多事，要不你来骑！
23、语文课上，老师：“谁知道演出开始前的节目叫什么？”小明：“前戏！”“不错啊，那你知道前戏的另一种说法吗？”“逗逼？”“滚出去！”
24、地铁里摸了一个女孩的屁股，她破口大骂。旁边的哥们儿见状，忙劝说："别吵了，这应该是个误会！"姑娘更火了："误会！他摸我是误会！""对呀，不信你看。"顺着那哥们儿的眼神，姑娘看到了我伸进他裤衩里蠕动的手。
25、孙悟空一个筋斗翻到如来佛祖跟前：“我去了天的尽头，留了个记号在那里，敢和我去看看么！”如来微笑着张开手掌：“你看这是什么！”悟空大惊：“你也尿手上了？”
26、半夜醒了，突然发现睡在身边的老婆不见了，吓得我立马开灯看个究竟，居然发现老婆飘在天花板上，特么的以后再也不给她充氢气了！
27、每当我吃自助餐的时候，脑海里就会出现两个小人。一个说：“没事，大不了吃完这顿再做仰卧起坐。”另一个说：“赶紧吃吧，别废话了。“
28、老王对大师说：现在邻居都不喜欢我，我很犯愁，他们都怕我搞他们女人，我干脆出家算了。大师沉默一会，进屋拿了一把菜刀出来。老王：大师用这把菜刀给我剃度？大师：你特么的给我滚犊子，想跟我做邻居，搞我师太吧！
29、老婆问我:如果有一天我不能动了你会不会伺候我？我说:如果真有那天我宁愿不能动的人是我，老婆很感动。我心想:小样跟我比懒！
30、天走在马路，看见一对情侣磨磨唧唧接吻，亲了半天没亲上！女的一直强调我是初吻不要亲亲！劳资不能忍了！亲了女的一下，说，好了！不是初吻了！你们可以亲了！请叫我雷锋。
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
