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1. 媳妇回娘家过生日,切蛋糕的时候媳妇把生、日、快、乐分别切成四块,给岳母和自己一人搬了一块,得意的说:“快乐给我们!”于是我也殷勤给岳父搬上一块,还加了一句:“您生、我日!”然后...然后我手臂现在还是紫一块的...
2. 今天去食堂吃饭,一不小心咬舌头上了。我:“啊!”兄弟赶紧跑来:“怎么了!”我疼的实在说不出话,指了指桌子上的饭,又指了指我嘴,往地下吐了点血……这货当时大喊道:“大家都别他妈吃了!菜里有毒!”
3. 下午接了个朋友电话,“张总吗?我车抛锚了,麻烦你帮我找台单缸手动循环式空气压缩机”“不装会死啊?说人话!”“哥们,自行车漏气了,送个打气筒过来!”
4. 有个妹子发表说说:好想有个卧室,睡在窗子旁边,每天阳光照射在脸上,睡到自然醒。 下面三吊丝立马回复 “大家好,我叫窗子”“我叫阳光照,请多多包涵”“人们都叫我自然醒,你们好” 然后一堆贱人狂赞 !!
5. 今天没事逗小侄子,问:“一加一在什么情况下等于三?”侄子答:“一加一在再加一的情况下等于三!”尼玛,原来我们被本山大叔骗了这么多年啊!!!
6. 上次去朋友家玩、她的小妹妹问我:“姐姐,这道题我不会做,你帮帮我好吗?”当时心想:我都大学了还怕小学生的题!?题目:请用“菠”造两个以上的两字词语。例:菠萝,菠菜。我擦大学白上了……
7. 今天一女同事对我说: “哎,我们俩那个啥吧!”我: “什么意思啊?”女同事: “哎呀,讨厌啦,就是你爸妈经常干的事。。”我: “操,想打架就直说。。”
8. 愚公决心要将大山移走,有人笑他说山这么大你移不走的,愚公回他说:“我死了还有我儿子还有孙子呀!”那人呵呵一笑问到:“你有女朋友吗?”
9. 前两天在钓鱼,几个熊孩子一直在边上闹,这时哥生一计。叫来两个差不多大的熊孩子,问你们俩打架谁厉害点,两个都说自己,哥拿出十块钱,谁打赢了给谁。两个熊孩子开始打,打了半个小时越打越凶,于是我喊:“别打了,钱你们平分!”其中一个熊孩子说:“钱我不要了,我就是要打死他!!”
10. 最近失联女孩比较多,一美女学生打车回学校,问司机多少钱,司机说10元!美女说我只有8元。上车后美女弱弱的问:“你是坏人吗?”司机淡定的说:“你才是坏人呢!这么晚打车才给8元!”
11.初中班主任是个铁血老师,学校管不了的班都让他管,一天班里两个男生打架,他让两个男生在女厕所门口站了一下午,进去一个喊一声“客官里边请!”,出来的时候再喊一声“好吃您再来啊!”你能想象那些女生看那两个男生的眼神吗?别问我为什么这么清楚。 。。

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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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