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1. 昨晚接到前任的电话：“我怀孕了，孩子是你的！”我一听怒了：“扯JB蛋！我们都2年多没见面了！”这时，她在电话那头满心欢喜地对另一个人说：“说了不是他吧，你还不信，我现在打给下一个！”然后，电话挂了...
2. 俩逗比朋友刚结婚，小两口不太会做饭又非热情请我们吃饭暖新房，欣然赴约。到她家一看，哎呦喂是饺子，还想这不挺会做饭嘛，还谦虚说不会。。。饿的肚子咕咕叫，一口咬下去。。。他俩害羞状问：“好吃吗？”绝无仅有！妈蛋。。。馅是整个鹌鹑蛋，估计这皮儿也是菜市场买现成的。。。
3. 昨天跟我一死党，谈论到生孩纸这事儿，说以后要是一儿一女订个娃娃亲什么的！死党：“那需要这么麻烦，都什么年代了，定了他们会认？直接你叫你儿去泡我女儿，我让我女儿去勾引你儿子不就完了，让他们自由恋爱！”。。。。好像很有道理的样子！
4. 我考护士资格证的时候，开场半小时，正做题呢，身边突然冒出来一个头，吓得我的小心肝扑通扑通的跳，只听见监考老师说:“同学，你的鞋真好看，那买的？”老师，考试是个很严肃的事……“
5. 昨天去练车，认识个妹子，并且主动上去说话，聊得不亦乐乎，就发了条说说，“今天练车认识个妹子，聊得不错，”顺便搜索了附近的人，我看见一个妹子发了条说说“今天练车认识一煞笔，非要和我聊天”我………妈蛋。。
6. 和女朋友从来没打过麻将，无奈陪她亲戚打，刚来，叫我先出，我一下二筒到六筒来个顺子，我女朋友又直接来四个七条大吼：“炸弹！”但是她二叔和三姨的眼神让我感到不解。。。难道麻将不是这样打的？？？
7. 学校不准我们打包饭进去，如果发现就没收，有时候还会看你的书包，保安每天都没收好多饭。我们都很想知道这些饭怎么处理。于是有一次大家每人都打包了饭，在里面放了泄药。于是，全校的保安掀起了拉肚子的潮流。
8. 今天上便利店买东西，看见老板正在下货，一不小心撞倒了一七旬老婆婆，老板吓得脸都白了！这时，老婆婆慢慢拍拍尘土，爬了起来，对老板说：“今天幸好遇到我了，要是遇到那些老年人，非得赖你！”顿时觉得婆婆，还很年轻啊。。。
9. 哥几个关系很好，打算一起换个扣扣头像。最后换成了葫芦娃头像，大娃、二娃、三娃...我也换了！晚上回家后，把自己头像换成了葫芦娃爷爷，发说说@他们说：“爷爷被抓走了..快来救我！”第二天一大早，他们一帮人在我家门口，一人拿一个木棒...
10. 今天逛街，尿急，上了公厕，男票在外面等着想逗逗他，给他发了个信息：“老公，手机掉坑去了，怎么办？”男票回：“难道是屎给我发的信息。。。”
11.“哥们，你啥时候不读书的？”
“初一咯”
“怎么不读的？”
“因为喜欢裸睡！”
“这也有关系？”
“当然，有一次睡觉的时候，睡到懵懵懂懂，发现自己还穿着衣服，果断的狂脱衣服，我永远忘不了全班人看我的眼神”
12.一对恋人领完结婚证后，来到女方的家里。女婿拜见完岳父后，岳父意味深长地说：‘国家已经承认你们了，但我们民间还没有承认。”
女婿心领神会地连连点头说“是是是，我们一定办一场让你们满意的婚礼！”可心里却在感叹，国家对我可真好，国家承认我们只要九块钱，民间承认我们却要花几十万。。。
13\昨晚大半夜的被一电话吵醒，气死我了，居然是打错电话的，是个女的。还没等我说话她就问：老公，你在哪呢？我一生气直接来了一句：他洗澡呢。说完就挂了，然后调静音我继续睡觉了！早晨起来我一看147个未接电话～
这就对了，你敢让姐今晚睡不好，姐就敢让你今晚睡不着!没办法，姐就是这么任性！
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
