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2. 有一次去交警队交罚款，看见一个哥们牛b的拿着一沓驾驶证站在窗口前（准备扣分用的）。 跟客服mm说：“你给我看下一共多少违章、需要扣多少分？” 客服mm查完以后告诉他686分， 当时那哥们就凌乱了，这得特么多少驾驶证才够啊！ 这时客服mm说了一句话，差点没把我笑死。mm说：“大哥，你这分都够考清华了！”
3. 我有个远房小姨是个拉拉。因为某些众所周知的原因，她和她的恋人跟她们的朋友另一对男性同性恋人形婚。现在有个问题，就是四个人一起出去玩的时候，相互介绍就会陷入一种“这位我媳妇，这位我男人，这位是我媳妇的男人，也是我男人的媳妇…”的尴尬循环中...
4. 今天约女神去吃麻辣烫，她说只要你集齐32个赞我就跟你去。幸好哥机灵，立马在空间发了个说说，“感冒了，好难受！” 不到十分钟就凑齐了！
5. 在大街上看到一对情侣，眼睛近视把那男的当闺密前对象了，多看了几眼，发现不是的！男的没说什么，女的直接火了：“看什么看，没见过男人！”本姑娘就不高兴了，大声回答：“他是我以前的一个嫖客！”说完头也不回就走了。
6. 我大学室友从不上政治课，那天期末考试，他早早的来到教室，找了个好位置坐下来就跟前面一小伙套近乎说:“哥们，待会就靠你了！”那人没理他，过了会铃响了，那人站起来开始发卷了。。。
7. 本人广东汉子一枚，由于爱好吃田螺，从来都不用牙签挑的，直接吸出来，所以吸田螺的功夫也是炉火纯青的。近日交一女票，接吻的时候被她打了一巴掌骂道：“你特么吸就吸还嚼几下是几个意思？”
8. 小明出国旅游，坐飞机托运行李的时候，工作人员问他：“请问您的行李有易碎物品吗？”小明特真诚的想了半天：“有！” 然后一脸严肃地把他那巨箱打开翻腾了一刻钟，就在飞机即将起飞前十分钟，这货掏出了两袋干！脆！面！安检员憋笑差点儿憋死。。。
9. 单位号召”光盘行动”就是在食堂要吃光盘子，不许有剩菜！监制开会说：”你们扔掉饭菜的时候有没有想过多么对不起辛苦的农民伯伯！”同事说：”食堂做饭的厨师做的菜也很对不起农民伯伯啊，新鲜蔬菜能做成那么难吃的菜，怎么可能不剩！他炒的猪肉我都觉得那头猪死的冤枉！”
10. 听说儿子早恋，我大发雷霆！再一打听那小丫头的妈妈是我当年上初中时久追不下的女同学！然后压住心里的火，欣慰的看了看儿子，默默地抚摸了一下儿子的头！终于一血我二十年前的耻辱…
11.和老婆在街上闲逛，突然看见前女友，本不想搭理，她却对我喊到“呦，听说你结婚了，几年不见，还是这个吊丝样……” 这时老婆突然对我吼道：“啥！你还有老婆，你对我的爱也是假的吗？那你为什么给我买车买房！”
12.今天给6岁的弟弟洗澡，女朋友来电话：你在干嘛，我说：在给弟弟洗澡，然后她N……补了一句：洗干净点，等我晚上回来吃，回来吃，吃～把我弟弟都吓哭了
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
