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1. 以前技术科一部门百来号全是男的,好不容易招来个女的,太热情,一个月人家跑了,老大为此专门开会:大家不要太赤果果,像狼遇到肉样,要含蓄,含蓄,再含蓄……底下一小伙子:老大,你能想像春运抢最后一张票的心情吗?
2. 我是一名医生,今天一妈妈带这个小男孩过来我这里看病!我问小朋友那里不舒服啊!他把舌头伸出来给我看!烫了一嘴的水泡!我问她妈妈:“这是怎么弄的啊!”他妈说:“下午我带他去缝纫店,看到桌上有个电熨斗!我告诉他千万不要用手碰!结果这娃舔了一口…”
3. 昨天去买了个仙人球,放在黑色袋子里提着。后来去买水果,用的也是黑色袋子,付了钱我刚要走,老板出来喊我,说我那个袋子里是不是偷拿了他的水果?然后我还没来及说,他就伸手一把捏了上去。我靠!嗷的一声。。。好爽!
4. 几个哥们吃饭,其中一备考公务员的哥们说:“这尼玛公务员考试怎么什么题目都有啊……天文,地理,人文,历史都有。”另一个哥们悠悠的来了一句:“公务员上班都是聊天,知识面不广谁跟你聊啊……”
5. 昨天去火车站的公交上,看见一女的手机被小偷夹走了,本着雷锋精神走到她面前!我:“在这遇到你呀,你去哪呀?刚还打你电话呢?怎么不接呀?你手机呢?不会又丢了吧?”她:“神经病!”我:“呵呵。。。”过了两个站,她:“我手机呢?我手机被偷了,司机停车!!”乘客甲:“刚刚人家小伙子提醒你手机被偷了,你说人家神经病,小偷早下车了!”
看着那女的那表情,我心里咋有点爽呢,哈哈哈。。。
6. 我一哥们去相亲,感觉那女的不咋样。又不好意思直说,于是聊了一个话题。哥们:“我实话跟你说吧,我十年前有精神病史。。。。”那女的心想:十年了,应该没事!刚要开口,谁知道我哥们一掀桌子说到:“到现在就他妈一直没治好,哈哈哇哈哈哈哈!”说完,就跑了。。。
7. 在论坛看到一帖子,说让对生活绝望的人出来一起聚聚,我就去了,期间和一个妹子挺聊得来的,就问我:“为什么感到绝望!”我:“都这把年纪了还是个处男!”妹子一惊:“这有什么好绝望的?”于是就和我去开了间房,事后想想,这确实没什么好绝望的!我又重新对生活充满了渴望,我就问妹子:“为什么对生活绝望?”她答道:“病了!”“什么病!”“艾滋病。”我尼玛。。。
8. 前任结婚了,给我发了张请柬,我犹豫再三还是去了,在婚礼现场邂逅了一位帅哥,从始至终都陪在我身边,结束时我羞涩地问他:“你是不是喜欢我啊?”他腼腆一笑:“我是婚礼的保安,新郎让我全场盯着你,怕你闹事!”
9. 今儿一个人去上街,转到一家店里,感觉还挺高大上,看上了一件衣服问服务员多少钱?结果服务员走过来冲我说:“12800!不买就别用手摸,弄脏了你又买不起!”于是我对她一笑:“给我装起来,你别用手摸,弄脏了我不要!”服务员脸都绿了。
10. 老师:“谁知道240的倍数是多少?”小明:“480。”老师:“那480的倍数呢?”小明:“960。”老师:“那960的呢?”小明:“1920。”老师:“哇!小明不错嘛,那老师再考你最后一个!”小明:“老师老师你别考了,我最多的时候也就6炸加明牌,7炸的还没打过呢!”
11.记得高中时候有个牛比,全校大会因他而精彩,因为他先被批斗,由于逃课去上网或者泡酒吧或者打架被处分,然后转过身去领奖台领啥物理竞赛,数学竞赛,一等奖二等奖等等。贯穿我们整个高中,他都是先接受处分,再去领奖。。直接干服校领导。后来毕业出国了。诶。缅怀学神
12.昨晚大伙一起去吃火锅,有人需要纸巾一看桌上没有,就叫了服务员,服务员说纸巾是要收费的,俩元一包,随一平时不爱说话的同事问:厕所有纸巾吗?
服务员:有
同事:收费吗?
服务员:不收
然后同事霸气的来一句,那把厕所的纸巾拿来吧 。。。拿来吧!哈哈大伙都笑,服务员的脸红了,后来就免费送了俩包纸巾。

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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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