Article
2. 女友有个堂弟，那个车瘾大的，家里刚买了辆车，每天都要开车，最近好几个星期没看到他了，就问女朋友：“他怎么不开车了？”女朋友说：“车子撞了！”我就随口问了一句：“谁的责任？”女友很肯定的回答：“他全责，人家船在河里开的好好的，他撞到人家了！”撞到船。。。船。。。瞬间凌乱了。。
3. 老王在外面包了个小蜜，小蜜说：“亲爱的，你能把胡子刮了嘛，这样看起来还年轻些！”老王说：“不行，要是刮了胡子我老婆会不高兴的！”小蜜说：“那你这么在乎你老婆，以后别来找我了！”最后老王缠不过小蜜，只好把胡子刮了，老王回到家，怕老婆不开心，就没敢开灯，蹑手蹑脚的躺在床上！老婆伸手摸摸老王的下巴：“你怎么还没走啊，我老公马上就回来了…”
4. 和客户吃完饭后，找了两个小姐，问她价格，回答说一个八百。我问：“为什么这么贵！”“她们都是大学生！”尼玛，谁说读书没用，谁说文凭没用，站出来，看我不打死他！
5. 有一个男孩刚到美国，不会说英文。他哥哥说见到人就说Yes 。有一天他见到一个壮男，壮男用英文说，我心情不好我想打死你！男孩说yes！被打了一顿。。。然后他给哥哥打了电话说了事情的过程，他哥哥又说，以后说no。走着走着又见到了那个壮男，壮男说，昨天被打够了吗？然后他又被打了。。。
6. 本人开出租车，开始上来两个乘客，如下对话，我真的笑了。A说:“你今天去乡下做什么？”B说:“去乡下花钱看表妹被别人日！”A说:“什么意思？”B说:“表妹今天结婚。”当时我听到这个回答。。。我醉了！真是又长知识了！！你这样说你表妹，她知道吗？
7. 当年我爸跟我说他以前的英雄事迹，说有一次他去别人学校打架，一个人把人家八个人打趴下了！我就问他：“你去年不是说四个吗？怎么现在变八个了？”他摸摸我的头说：“傻孩子，去年你还小我怕说出来吓着你！”吹牛都不打一下草稿，不过只要你开心就好！
8. 我发现我小时候特聪明，每次考试都是交白卷，反正白卷老师也不会打“√”和“×”直接打个0分，然后等试卷发下来找个考90分的同学试卷一抄，前面加个9。搞定，至今我妈还夸我小时候读书成绩好！
9. “你喜欢一个人会怎么样？”
“看他发的微博就像在做阅读理解！”
10. 吃午饭时老婆说：“从现在开始，谁先说话谁刷碗。” 我点了点头答应了。 后来的结果你们应该猜到了，吃完饭老婆说：“你竟然整个午饭时间都不主动找我说话，罚你刷一个月碗。”
11. 爸爸：“儿子，做人的原则有两条，一条是守信，一条是聪明。”儿子：“什么是守信？”爸爸：“守信就是你签了合约，即使倾家荡产也要履行合约。”儿子：“那什么是聪明呢？”爸爸：“聪明就是永远不要签这样的合约。”
12. 美国人把刑讯逼供叫做“加强型审讯技术”，简直太机智了。按照这个逻辑我根本不是什么强奸犯，只是“加强型把妹技术”罢了。
13. 原配相当于一碗健康的米饭，刚开始都时候很喜欢吃，等到熟悉了每天都吃，突然有一天吃够了，就想吃零食，零食相当于小三或者小四或者小n。尝到了新鲜的味道，就不喜欢吃米饭了，从此抛弃米饭。每天都吃零食，吃着吃着，突然有一天身体很不好过，因为零食里面添加各种化学物质，最后到医院检查，医生建议最好吃米饭，在吃零食生命会有危险！ 听了医生的话回家找米饭，可是到家一看，米饭已经在滋养着别人了……
一个朋友准备周末去吃自助餐。饿了整整 三天!! 饿的眼睛发绿到了餐厅。老板看了看他， 猛吸一口烟。大兄弟 这是200块钱和一张优惠 卷，你给大哥一个面子去对面那家。一会儿他又回来了，手里握着五百块钱和两张第一家店的 优惠卷...
前天小区停车场一小朋友用树枝刮花了我 台车，但我素质特好，当时还夸他为我赚了几百 块保险钱，随手赏了20块给他。今天听小区保安 说有几个小朋友争着刮花了停车场里的好几台车 被车主打了一顿……
小时候，去烧烤摊吃炸豆腐，一毛一个， 我买了五个，酱是自己蘸的，结果我把摊上的俩 碗酱全部吃了！老板说豆腐钱不要，把酱钱给 我！后来我跑了！
今早上去上班，见一大爷摔倒于路上，我 过去问道：大爷，我一月工资2500块钱，能扶你 起来么？大爷：小伙子，你走吧，我再等一会 儿。
Previous article:
相比美国，在中国生活有哪些好处？What are some advantages to living in China compared to living in the US?3 (11 years ago)
Next article:
相比美国，在中国生活有哪些好处？What are some advantages toliving in China compared to living in the US?4 (11 years ago)
About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
