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他在女生宿舍楼下用99根蜡烛拼了一个爱心和女孩的名字，可女孩一直没有出现。他傻愣愣看着一地的蜡烛。陪他来的哥们默默蹲下身把蜡烛都吹灭，到最后一根的时候哥们儿笑了。他困惑地问：”笑什么？”哥们站起来温柔地抱住他：”我许了一个愿，如果吹灭最后一根蜡烛她还没出现，你就是我的了。
姜还是老的辣
一老婆婆在上公交车的时候,后面一小偷把她脖子下的金链子扯下来了。 那小偷得逞后立刻跑走，老婆婆大声喊：哎呀，假的都有人偷啊。 小偷听到后，骂了一句：靠。然后就把金链子丢了。 老婆婆等小偷跑远后，立刻把金链子捡回。说：老娘还会戴假货吗，小兔崽子。
蛋黄派
有次期末考试，有道填空题，问李清照是___派的词人，lz实在不知道就写了个武当派，卷子发下来的时候老师说有个学生的答案必须得请他家长来看看，我想我完蛋了，结果是同桌被请家长了，因为他的答案是”蛋黄派”！
这蝴蝶怎么没有头呢
有一个画家画蝴蝶画的好，但是他的学生却没有一个画的好的。有一女生一天问他为什麽，画家说：“用功才有成绩。”可是这个女生还是想弄个明白。她听说老师喜欢一个人在夜深人静的时候画蝴蝶，于是她就在半夜的时候爬到老师的窗台下看。巧了，老师正在画。让女生吃惊的是，老师用屁股画蝴蝶。第二天，女生拿着自己的屁股做的画给老师看。她认为自己得到了真传。老师看了看说：“不错，很好，可是这蝴蝶怎么没有头呢。”
欢迎下次再来
我一大学同学毕业后搞了一年营销，发奋考上公务员，分到民政局婚姻登记处，头天上班，一大早就来了对新人登记，那男的客气，给了一包烟和一包糖，同学很激动，麻利的办好手续，起身握手送别，很有礼貌地说了句：欢迎下次再来。
同学上课睡觉
同学上课睡觉，老师见了火大，就叫他到黑板上解题。老师：“成绩那么差，还敢上课睡觉，真不知羞耻，就会睡觉。。。”
结果某人漂亮的把题解出来了。老师顿时有点下不来台。他走回座位说：“我先睡一下，你待会还有不会的再问我。。。”
碰瓷越玩越高级了
现在碰瓷这活是越玩越高级了。
今在小区准备出门呢，看见一老太太在那锻炼，就顺手拿起手机拍个照。
谁知刚拍完，老太太就往地下一坐，就喊：小伙子，你的闪光灯太闪，把我腰闪了。
我也是醉了……
学好车很重要
加班到很晚，开车送美女同事回家，在一个老旧的小区门口我把车停住：“就送你到这吧，我不进去了。”
同事凑过来倚在我耳边说道：“你开车送我进去吧，还能上去坐坐。”
我果断地拒绝了。望着同事远去的背影，我心想：吗的，当初要是好好练科目二，现在也不用害怕倒不车出来了！
老妈眼中的我
我玩手机的时候我妈说：“整天就知道玩手机！”
玩电脑的时候我妈说：“整天就知道玩电脑！”
看电视的时候我妈说：“整天就知道看电视！”
看书的时候我妈说：“整天就知道看那些乱七八糟的书！”
睡觉的时侯我妈说：“整天就知道睡！”
老妈，你表扬我一句是有多难！！！
要不能停啊
昨天刚发了工资，有钱了，心想第二天奢侈一把。
第二天一大早出去逛街，顺手拦了一辆车，上车后，司机看着我，我大手一扬，说道：“不要问我到哪里去，只管开，到时候按计价器的钱数来，保证一毛钱都不会少了你的！”
司机瞥了我一眼，鄙视道：“要么刷卡，要么投币，要么滚！”
吓得我赶紧投了一块钱，这些人真没脑子，有钱都不挣！
爸爸去哪儿
“男神男神！问你个问题”
“说！”
“湖南台最近播的那个林志颖跟他儿子一起的节目叫什么！”
“爸爸去哪儿”
“儿子！咱回家”
这个世界太疯狂了
一条狗在路上悠闲的走着，后面有个小伙子踩着单车。就在小伙子准备超过那狗时，狗狗突然看了他一眼，然后狂奔！小伙子愣了一下，然后也跟着狂踩。狗狗吐着舌头狂奔，小伙子也吐着舌头狂踩……这一人一狗就这样你追我赶的消失在我的视线里，留下了心里久久不能平静的我。
我在这呢
有次自习课用手机看小说，同桌的她突然捅了我一下，我哆嗦了下四处张望，看着没人接着看小说，这时我身后那个和蔼可亲的老师幽幽的来了句：我在这呢，在这呢，这呢…
翻栅栏需谨慎
校园铁栅栏都是带尖头的，为了杜绝学生翻围墙。其上面的警示牌标语如下：男生一不小心翻，就会变成女生……女生一不小心翻，就会变成女人……
脑袋都撞到后面去了
一个人骑摩托车喜欢反穿衣服，就是把扣子在后面扣上，可以挡风。一天他酒后驾驶，翻了，一头栽在路旁。 警员赶到后...警员甲：好严重的车祸。 警员乙：是啊，脑袋都撞到后面去了。 警员甲：嗯，还有呼吸，我们帮他把头转回来吧。 警员乙：好...一、二使劲，转回来了。 警员甲：嗯，没有呼吸了……
谁惨！
“我妈说我是垃圾桶里捡来的。我好惨！”
“我妈说我是打boss赢的礼包里带的。我更惨！”
“……不要再说了。我妈说我是刷信用卡积分送的。我想知道她刷了多少钱。”
我该不该说出来呢？
今天看到小区一兄弟，我看他魂不守舍的。
我就问：兄弟，咋滴拉。
这兄弟说：你不知道我们小区有变态色魔么？我好担心啊。
我说：你是个男的，他妈的，你怕个叼。
兄弟说：尼玛，我是怕他们认出我。
唐老鸭
小侄女问我唐老鸭为什么姓唐啊，我跟她解释说因为唐老鸭喜欢吃糖；小侄女又问我米老鼠为什么姓米啊，我说因为米老鼠爱吃米，小侄女似懂非懂地点了点头，然后抓起身边的史莱克丢出了窗外。
吃东西
老婆和老公在床上看电视,老婆在床上吃零食。
老公:能不能别在床上吃东西?
老婆:好吧,我以后绝对不在床上吃东西了。
老公:老婆,我错了。
今天，我打电话给妻子：“亲爱的，把你的包收拾收拾，我订了间酒店，我们一起共度一个美好的夜晚吧。”
“哦，为什么啊？”妻子很开心。
我说：“还不是因为打麻将。”
“真的啊？”妻子很兴奋，“那你到底赢了多少？”
我说：“我把房子输了。”
那年夏天我总感到自己头昏眼花，浑身没劲。我到了医院，大夫龙飞凤舞很快开好了药方。我算了药价，竟有三百多元。取药的大夫叮嘱我说：“这药白天每隔两个小时吃一次，每次吃三片，一共是两周的药。”我还从没见过这样吃法的药，忙问他：“大夫，我到底得了什么病，这药到底治什么病？”那位大夫就很实在的告诉我：“其实这药什么病都不治，你现在最需要的只是多喝水。”
下班等公交，旁边一少妇带着女儿
那孩子就一直哭，哄不好，然后少妇放话了，再哭把你卖给那个叔叔去
我说:“小妹妹别哭，叔叔给你换个妈妈怎么样？ ”
那女孩一听这话不哭了，冲我笑了笑
然后我就看到那少妇把孩子往怀里拦了拦，用哀怨的看着我
小男孩问小女孩：“腻歪的反义词是什么？”
女孩想了半天想不出来，便弱弱的说：“歪…腻”
小男孩愣了一下，然后笑了：“嗯，我也爱你！”
室里弟兄们正围在电脑前看岛国动作片，镜头推给女主角脸部特写时，一个哥们突然跳起来神色慌张的大喊：“我妈，我妈，我妈！！”然后把播放器给关了。哥几个瞬间石化。。后来才知道，原来他妈正好给他来电话，他怕他妈听见片子里传出来的声音……
小卖部出来一对情侣，拿了瓶饮料。我正准备也买瓶喝，听女的在后面喊男的：“喂，这上面再来一瓶是啥意思？”男友头也不回：“不知道。”于是，女的随手把瓶盖扔地上了。这一幕被我看到，心想碰见俩白痴。待他们走远，我急忙跑去捡起来，又是吹，又是对太阳看，结果上面四个大字：谢谢品尝。尼妹啊！！
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
