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2. 学校门口的网吧喧闹了一中午…“你上网的身份证哪来的？”学生哭着说：“网管说没有身份证不准上，我看见门口贴的广告上有个身份证号就抄来用了！”特警咆哮的声音久久回荡，“国家A级通缉令上的身份证你都敢抄？你爸妈怎么管你的？”
3. 路边寺庙旁，一小和尚高举“回头是岸“横幅，大喊：“施主看这里！” 车内一年轻人隔窗笑骂：“傻叉！”瞬间飞驰转弯而去。10秒钟后，碰撞惨叫坠落声传来。当晚，禅房内，小和尚对住持说：“师父，是不是直接写‘前方桥梁已断’好一些？”
4. 和老爸聊天，帮他处理电脑问题于是使用了远程访问，后来没有关。我跟爸说：“爸我想买个ipad看书。”于是我看到了爸在那边打字：“多少钱？”然后逐字删掉，开网页查了价格。然后重新写道：“买个JB！”
5. 有个大学新生去学校报到，去的时候已经天黑了，太晚了学校已经断电，他摸着黑找到宿舍，问了一个睡得迷迷糊糊的室友：“上铺有人吗？”室友回答：“没有。”然后他就把行李扔上去了。结果....上铺没有床！
6. 前两天防盗门锁坏了，进不了屋，厂家来人半天也没修好，无奈只能110报警，割了防盗门！没一会儿警察来了，还从所里带了个刚抓的小偷。警察跟小偷说：“快点儿啊，给你十分钟，我这回去还等着下班了。”小偷：“用不了，五分钟的事儿。”然后，咔咔几下，门开了…开了……连一分钟都没用！据说当时厂家专业人士的脸色很难看…
7. 老师：“蒸一个包子三分钟，蒸三个包子要多久？”小明：“九分钟？”老师：“你傻呀！你们家蒸包子一个一个蒸呀？”小明表示不服：“那我问你，吃一个馒头一分钟，吃十个馒头呢？”老师：“十分钟呀！哈哈哈你以为我像你一样傻！”小明：“十分钟吃十个馒头！撑死你！”老师：“。。。滚出去！”
8. 刚出国那会儿，啥都新鲜，啥都不懂，某天早晨去麦当劳买东西，找了几个钢蹦，出门见一老头，黑人，穿得破破烂烂蹲在麦当劳门口捧个杯子。心情甚好，顺手把钢蹦扔老头杯子里了！发现声音不对，然后回头，见人家手里捧的是一杯咖啡。。。
9. 中学，课间去厕所撒尿，进厕所门看到班上一关系不错的同学正背对着我在尿槽边正撒得正酣。然后，我嘴角闪过一丝阴笑，快速走到他背后，双手捏住他的腰，以迅雷不及掩耳盗铃之势一阵猛摇...我还笑着正摇得欢快呢，他转过头来，我看着他，他看着我，我手还没停。对视两秒后，我发现我认错人了，这人不是我那同学。我脸上的笑容僵硬了，嘴里挤出一句：“不好意思，认错人了！”说完之后我尿也没撒，一趟子奔回教室了。。。
10. 一晚自修，想让同桌出下洋相就往他后面贴了张纸，纸上画了只猪，同桌后坐是个胖女生，看到之后猛笑而且越笑越大声，同桌便问她笑什么，胖女生指着他说“你后面有只猪……”
11.老师：冰冻三尺非一日之寒，谁知道下一句？小明：看了一眼老师的肚子，小腹三层非一日之馋。 不说，走廊真冷！！
12. 现在人的隐私都在手机里。 一次看见一哥们，被车撞倒了，手机撞飞了三四米，但他使劲地爬到手机哪里，把手机里面的通话记录，短信，扣扣什么的都删好了，这才放心地晕了过去。。
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
