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1.山羊苦苦哀求医生:“医生,一定要治好我的腹泻,不然警察要来抓我了!”

“有腹泻抓你干嘛?”医生不解。

“我是造中药丸子的,我要是腹泻了,他们会说我制售假冒伪劣产品。”

2.一头黄牛瘦骨嶙峋,其他伙伴都劝他赶紧去看医生。

“兄弟,我真是不敢去看医生啊。我怕去看医生会没命。”

“说什么傻话,医生还会把你整死吗?”

“你不知道,我这个样子,医生很可能会把我解剖了找牛黄。”

3.有条狗身上被烫了一块,皮毛都没了。

忽然一个人追着狗就打。

狗很委屈,连忙问为什么打他。

“你这个卖狗皮膏药的,不打你打谁?”

1.甲:请问是家具中心吗?

乙:是啊,你要买什么家具?

甲:我要买床。请问你那里有大床吗?

乙:有啊——你要多大的床?

甲:我要一张能摆下两栋独立别墅的大床。

乙:什么?你是不是疯了?我没有那么大的床,这个世界上就没有那么大的床。

甲:看吧,我们蜗牛真是太大了,连一张合适的大床都没有。

2.两只蚊子在闲谈。

甲:兄弟,我要搬家了。

乙:在这儿过得好好的,你搬家干什么?

甲:因为那个很老的老头要搬家了。

乙:啊?他搬他的家,和你有什么关系?

甲:你不知道,他是我的固定血源啊。离开他我就不能喝血了。

乙:笑话!地球上60多亿人!还有数不清的马牛羊,你非要喝他的血?

甲:你不知道,上次我喝他的血时,吸管被夹在他的皱纹里面了。没了别的吸管,我只能固定喝他的血了。

1.母猪在哼哼着睡觉,狗儿把它晃醒了。
“你个死狗,自己不睡,还不让我睡!”
“你个呆子!我和你说件机密事!”
“算了吧?你有什么机密事!”
“关于大公鸡。”狗小心地说。
“啊?它怎么了?难道它下蛋了?”
“更离奇啊。”
“怎么?”
“昨晚听主人说,后院那个20几岁的青年人被鸡奸了——家里只有公鸡没母鸡,一定是它憋不住了,才干出这件丑事。”

2.公猪一个大跨步跳进猪圈,母猪嚷嚷:“死鬼!也不小心点!”
公猪笑笑:“还是老婆好,知道关心老公。”
“你个死货!”母猪大骂,“我是说你要蹦去外面蹦去,别惊吓了我肚子里的孩子。”

3.天上流星划过,狗连忙许愿。
猪忙问狗许的什么愿望。
“我再也不想像这样黑夜白天无休止地工作了!我希望以后过不用劳动、不愁吃喝、又受人尊重的日子。”
猪不好意思地说道:“你想当猪?”
“呸呸!猪和狗一样,都不受人尊重,有一个词语就叫猪狗不如啊。”狗叹气说。
“那你想当什么?”猪问。
“当山羊啊。山羊年轻轻轻就胡子一把,退休早,而且到处都有青草可以吃,更关键的是,山羊受人尊重啊。”
“奥?哪里见得羊受人尊重了?”猪有点不服气。
“你没经常听人说洋气洋人吗?他们还专门制作铜器表达对羊的尊重。”
“什么铜器?”
“羊尊啊,而且我从没听说有什么猪尊,狗尊的。”

如果你喜欢的人醉倒在你床上,你会选怎么做: A守护在她身边;B帮她盖好被子;C轻轻的吻她一下;D把她OOXX, 我选的是D, 我以为我的答案会是最龌龊的了,没想到下面有人回复:CDDDDBA……

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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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